This is a series of texts from STBXH yesterday. I know, NC. But, like so many others I just keep hoping that I can hit that magical combination of words and the clouds with part and a ray of sunshine will fall on his upturned face and he will suddenly stop being an asshat.
Since you all are so good at this, please translate these from their native doucheweasel into English for me.
I would of wanted to say congratulations on being a gramma to you also if it was reversed. It isn't as you see it.
(Funny, he didn't feel the need to congratulate his first ExW (mother of his only child) when SHE became a Grandmother.)
ME: See, this is why I left. You refuse to understand or learn or respect my boundaries. That is just so fucked up that you think it's ok to be friends with the woman you cheated on me with!!!!!
OK, I am not trying to sleep with her or get with her. Just saying I was happy for her. I think it's ironic the kid that was such a pain in the butt is having a kid (this is his SS). That's all.
ME: You just don't get it. Every time the choice is her or me you choose her. Contact with her is more important than being with me.
I decided I wonít stop talking to people I know because you hate everybody in the world. Except your VBFF! You have me not talking to my family, you hate loser/freeloading/idiot, you hate anybody I know. Just like Pigfucker did to you.
ME: You keep making shit up to justify your actions. I told you that any contact with Whore and I was done. You made your choice.
God I wish not talking to whore was the answer to our problems. Everything would of been great then.
ME: The fact is that if you'd been working your program I probably could have overcome the problem with your mom. But when you aren't doing anything that I ask you to do and I know that she is a go between for the 2 of you it doesn't work.
She isn't a go between! never mind!
ME: How did you find out she is going to be a gramma?
In a conversation about how great [my DD] is!!!
ME: You were supposed to have told your mom you didn't want that kind of information.
Fuck, so you donít care about anybody you spent 10 yrs of your life with?
ME: Not after you fucked her! In MY bed!!!!!!!!!
That was a huge mistake!
ME: But it happened. You can't undo it. I cannot for one second believe that if the situation was reversed you would be ok with it.
Like I said, I wish to God she was the only problem between us!
ME: She is the biggest. Or part of it. There is the Craigslist stuff too. Your refusal to deal with that has been slowly killing me.
And the financial stuff too. And moving to Hawaii to change our lifestyle which has stayed the same. We would have been better off in (old home that we both hated) talking about how we would change!
Please keep in mind that my world was blown apart within 2 months of moving here. Not only did I find out about his extracurricular activities, but then I had the whole crisis with my sister. We never even had a chance to have a new beginning because we were immediately thrown into trauma.
Then why do you want to stay together? We are both dragging a dead horse. Thatís what I mean when I say Iím sorry I have taken your smile away. Think about it. Do I make you happy or am I just convenient?
ME: What is convenient about feeling dead? Why would you never even take 1 step to heal us? Why do I have to change but you don't?
We didn't change!
ME: I did. I died. You wanted me to change. You wanted me to make up with your mom and forgive your sister but you didn't want to do anything to make that easier for me. Or to make me feel safe with those relationships.
You took the SA quiz and said you scored really high. That is terrifying. But you didn't do anything to address that. But you wanted me to feel safe about having sex with you.
OK, it is all my fault. You have no responsibility for anything.
ME: That's not what I am saying. But I do not have responsibility for your addiction or your acting out. You seem to want to make it all MY fault and you don't have to do anything.
Never said that! [Um, yes you actually DID say that.] I am sorry
ME: Then why am I the only one who has to change? You want me to forgive your mom and have her in my home but you don't do anything to make that feel safe. And you talk shit about me to her so she hates me more.
I don't talk shit to her!! This is going in circles!
ME: So when you talked to her after I moved out you didn't say anything negative about me?
End of conversation.
Later he invites me to come to the house and use the massage chair (my neck is killing me) and offers for me to spend the night. I politely decline.
Come on SI peeps. Slap me back into reality here!