I'm not really looking for any advice really, just more venting my feelings, if that's okay.
It's been two weeks since I told my husband that I slept with another man around 2 months ago, and these past two weeks have been AWFUL! It is so difficult to explain to him that I genuinely don't know why I did it, why I lied to him, I don't understand any of it. We saw a marriage counsellor last week and she made me feel a lot better about it all, she said that she believed that I love my husband dearly and explained why she thought I did what I did. Her words made complete sense to me. Unfortunately, the MC didn't really do much for my husband and he didn't feel like he took anything away from seeing her. Hopefully IC will help him.
But in the meantime, I really am trying my upmost best to show him how much he means to me. Although he says he knows how much I love him, I'm still desperately trying to show it and make him feel it. We are having an amazing time in bed, amazing! But I do worry that he isn't feeling what I feel, that he isn't feeling the closeness, the bond, the love, but I guess that's too be expected, it's just hard. I spend almost my whole days staring at him, cuddling him, asking if he's okay, touching him, all the things that we have always done, and I'm hoping that's helping him, but then I wonder if he actually WANTS me to touch him in a none sexual but effectionate way. It's so hard to know.
I'm hoping to get my referral to see an IC about my PTSD soon, so hopefully that will help the whole situation. I guess time will tell.
I do have faith that we CAN get through this, because I do love him so much and I simply cannot imagine my life without him, and that's gotta mean something, right?
Sorry, I just wanted to write out my thoughts.
C
