SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Before the A happened, and I mean long before, I had noticed that there seemed to be something missing inside of me. I played in bands and had always been a big fan of music, but it was always just an enjoyment thing. I never felt particularly "moved" or anything. My guitarist would always talk about what music he liked to listen to when he was in certain moods, and how certain songs or artists touched him and made him feel. I was always more of a "Wow, this song rocks!" kind of guy. And I always felt that was kind of strange. On more than one occasion I actually made this observation about myself to people.

SINCE the A, I have been much more attuned to this part of my self. Songs make me weep like a baby. "Cat's in the Cradle" gets me every time, thinking about how much I work and how little time I spent with my daughters pre-A. Songs like "I Won't Give Up," I can't even sing a line from. I wanted to sing it karaoke to TCD one night during a good spell, and I was bawling after five words. In the aftermath of the A, I listened to The Best of Reel Big Fish for weeks on end. To this day, I'll still go on jags listening to it repeatedly. The upbeat music, with the pleasant sounding yet angry, pessimistic and sarcastic lyrics satisfied all of the emotions I was feeling at the time. Have any of you felt any changes like this? Just wondering.

Yes. Sometimes music can be very therapeutic. Or maybe certain songs can bring up issues that we're still resisting to think about ("Cat's in the Cradle" is a good example). So the music can maybe help us to process some of the issues sometimes, particularly the emotional side.

Yep. I was the "this is a cool song" kind of person. Didn't always listen to or read the lyrics. Fun beat, yeah I'm good.

Post Dday, I read the lyrics to every single song I listen to. Music has much more meaning to me. There are songs that describe what I myself cannot put into words.

Something my husband and I did was sit down together and create a playlist of songs. When life gets busy and overwhelming we put the kids to bed, close and lock the bedroom door, light a candle, and slow dance to our playlist.

I use music when I write. There is something about those lyrics and the mood it brings that drives my pen.

Like silverhopes said, music has helped me look internally, discover, and face things. It's opened conversations with QS. It's bonded us closer together.

Kinda cool.

Your post reminded me of a thought I'd had a few weeks ago and since forgotten about.

We took a family vacation back in June. It was a long drive and I was behind the wheel. My wife was in the passenger seat and it was a brilliant morning. It was amazing talking to her, looking at her, touching her arm and holding her hand. All the while it felt like the music our oldest daughter had selected was especially sweet. Devastatingly poignant. Beautiful in every respect.

Music has always moved me. I enjoy dancing. I played in jazz band and orchestra.

Yet sometimes I get irritated by it and I'd never really examined why until then. It's because music makes you feel whether you want to or not. When I'm firmly in that fog, that pretty much reads as threat. How dumb is that?

But when I'm not... music routinely brings me to tears. I love listening to songs and looking up lyrics with my wife. It's a good measuring stick for me to use.

Our wedding song was "Sun and Moon" from Miss Saigon, which is TCD's favorite musical. She used to do what we called "interpretive singing," where she would sing while acting out the scene with me just sitting there laughing at her exaggerated gestures and over the top broadway affect. At the time it was just goofy and fun, but now I miss those special moments.

Back around Thanksgiving we were going through a particular high period along the roller coaster and we were all sitting in the loving room. TCD actually started playing the song on the piano and singing it. I couldn't believe it... I never thought she would even be able to HEAR the song again! I wept like a newborn. Things have been tumultuous at best since then, but I will forever cherish that moment.

Hope, as you guys heal, that you will be able to make more of those special moments. Have both of you take a mental snapshot when those happen - you can also bond over talking about those newly created happy memories you're building together.

Spirituality has been something my BW and I talk about regularly.

I used to listen to aggressive music with a lot of darkness to the lyrics. I was never one to pay much attention to what the songs said but liked the angry vibe it gave me.

I don't listen to the things I used to listen to. I like to drive with Spa radio on. When I do listen to the lyrics of certain songs, they will resonate and I get teary. I also have been watching movies I would never have been caught dead seeing and finding myself connecting with them and crying especially movies with infidelity in them.

Also, I have been craving being in the woods and nature in general. All these things sooth me and affect me where as before I never cared. I think one of the primary changes in my attitude is that I've been humbled.