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I have finally realized that my WH never perfered OW over me. He thought that I had checked out of the marriage. When he was with her he never bad mouth me, or said he loved her. In fact he was clear he would never leave me. He never saw her outside of work, though she asked him many times. Not there there is any excuse for the devastating decisions he made to have the A. But at least I know that while he was with her, he was missing me. And he is so remorseful that he didn't fight for me instead of stepping outside our marriage. It does make it easier to reconcile with him now.

This does sound like good progress, and some very positive realizations. Good for you.

Ohio....

Exactly my situation. Hubby said he felt that our intimacy and sexual marriage was over. He also said that he would have much prefered to be having the A with me but had no idea how to get there. In MC I boldy asked him, "Well why didn't you say something about this to me? I have been feeling that way for years too". He was floored, speachless actually and then I saw the shame overwhelm him. I don't think he had the courage before A to ever say something like that to me. He would have been too affraid I would walk. Watching me handle this hell with dignity, strength and understanding has worsened his pain because he now gets that all we had to do was talk openly.

We both get it now....wont make that mistake ever again!
This too added browny points to his side as we moved towards R. We are both so much happier now that we can properly communicate. It has changed our lives and our marriage forever.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 6:44 PM, August 15th (Thursday)]