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Can I say this to wh?

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hopeful18 posted 8/15/2013 17:20 PM

I just found out I have to get minor surgery next month. It is probably minor but small chance it could be serious.
I keep thinking maybe if it is serious and if I die, wh would somehow be happy. If I say this wh would be devastated. He really takes medical issues hard. We have had a lot of family members die early from cancer.

So I don't want to be mean, but I keep thinking that even if he does not admit it maybe he would be happier. Sad to think this way. Maybe i will shake this thought because as I write it it does sound Aweful.

TxsT posted 8/15/2013 17:44 PM


I know you are hurting really bad but what will saying this really accomplish? I personally don't think this is a good idea. I suffer from a heart condition that my H and children live with each day and I know how concerned they are when I get the slightest chest pain.

Why dont you just tell him about the procedure and leave it at that.


Card posted 8/15/2013 19:27 PM

Wow, living with the fear that your ws would be happier without you.

It brings tears to my eyes knowing the pain it must cause you, and remembering the pain it caused my wife.

My wife expressed these types of fears to me during our early recovery. She often verbalized how difficult it was for her to believe I could toss her aside for another woman yet still want her back. She was afraid I would do it again, or that I only came back for our kids.
I had done so much damage!

I'm not that same man today, I can't help but think that neither is your H.

I do believe you both may benefit if you're able to share your fears with him. But sharing in the manner you're posting about, would IMO, definitely cause unnecessary pain.

I pray your surgeons find nothing!

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