After a major blow-up and me withdrawing from him for a couple of days, then telling him that I am having thoughts that if we''re not going to make it, better we admit it sooner than later, he''s taken the last week to think, journal, and set down what he needs to tell me to start to clean out this festering wound. I can''t do this for him. He needs to do this so that we both can move forward, because I''m just not capable of staying in this indefinite We Don''t Discuss These Things place. I''m trying to be as respectful and supportive as possible because I KNOW that this is a huge trigger for him. But we both agree it needs to be done. And tomorrow is the day.
Please send us all the mojo that you can, and if you''re inclined, prayers for clarity, truth, and openness as well. His job is to talk. Mine is to listen and perhaps take some notes. My turn to talk about what he reveals will be later, after I can digest and we can have some recovery time.
Thank you all for your support.
[This message edited by Skan at 12:52 PM, August 17th, 2013 (Saturday)]
D-Day, June 10, 2012
Let us know how it goes.
D Day: July 27, 2012
Day of first suspicion: 6/7/11
DD#2: November 2, 2012
Great start to the day everything I have touched has broken, fallen apart, or refused to work. I was TMI naked in the pool having stripped off my PJs, crying, trying to fish out the broken pool sweeper from an green algie hell (which I have been trying to kill off for a week now) when FWH found me. He's cooking breakfast now while I am sitting, having coffee, and reading. And am feeling a lot better now. Thank you Mr. Skan!
Hope is rising in me for this afternoon. I'm praying so hard for today.
Count me in for the mojo.
Him taking the week to think, journal, reflect, journal again, was a very good decision. He had things written down, semi-organized, and was able, as he told me, to make connections about things that were related to me, related to his previous abusive work situation, and related to other things, was able to separate them, and deal with each category as an individual issue. Yes, his personality is that of a thinker! Also, a previous conversation we had had earlier in the week helped him greatly, when I asked him why he was able to say “never let perfection get in the way of good enough” at work, but couldn’t do that at home. So instead of being paralyzed by being convinced that he had to get Every Detail Right before he could talk, he was able to say good enough, and just talk with what he had, with the understanding that we could re-visit as needed, for clarification on both ends.
We talked for a bit over an hour, I would guess. Or rather, he talked, I took it in, took notes, encouraged him to expand in a few places, and asked for a bit of clarification at times. He was able to let some things go, and extend forgiveness to me for some of the actions that I was responsible for. He was able to express his very deep hurt over some things that I didn’t realize that I had done, that affected him deeply. He was able to dissect out areas where we get stuck into unproductive and repetitive cycles. And I have two pages of notes that I need to go back over, compile, and bring back to him in a day or so.
We are both feeling SO amazingly better today! I hope that this was one of those giant leaps forward. And better, we were able to handle yesterday with love, compassion, and openness. My hope levels have just had an up-spike.