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havent had sex since dday

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SSmile posted 8/15/2013 22:42 PM

Is there anyone here who hasn't had sex with their WS. It's been almost 10 months and we haven't done anything..we haven't even kissed. I just am so angry still and exhausted. We start MC soon. I am still unsure if we are R or D. so busy with life and the kids. I miss it. I miss him. He is trying but also doesnt talk about it either. I just don't know how to go there..the betrayal is so bad. He doesn't want a D. I want to wake up out of this bad dream

Morhurt posted 8/15/2013 23:43 PM

Sorry to be dense... Do you want to have sex with him? Or at least try out being physically intimate?
If you do then I would recommend talking about it with him. Really opening up about your fears, hopes, expectations and concerns.
Good luck!

AStar posted 8/16/2013 01:29 AM

SSmile, sorry that you find yourself in this situation.
Maybe you should discuss this within counseling or discuss it with your H. It can be difficult to go back to being intimate with someone who betrayed you. (Sorry I don't know your story.)
Also, not a nice question, but are you sure your husband is not intimate with someone else?
It's less than one month since DDay for me and I have not been intimate with my husband. I just can't after reading graphically sexual details between him and OW. Do I want to try? No. I have filed for D.

NeverAgain2013 posted 8/16/2013 07:25 AM

I think sometimes that a betrayed spouse thinks they HAVE to reconcile and they HAVE to forgive.

You don't have to do either.

It's been 10 months and you've made no progress at all.

I was one of those types that in the end, chose not to reconcile and give him another chance. My decision was right for me.

Only YOU can decide whether you want to give the gift of true reconciliation.

SSmile posted 8/16/2013 21:51 PM

I am not sure what I want..I don't trust him. Our situation isn't easy because of our children. He is in IC and we are starting MC finally but I am unsure on that. He is fine until I start showing emotions ( anger..sadness) and he pulls away. I feel like if I do sleep with him then I am giving a piece of me again and I just can't do that right now. I just am disgusted by what he has done and so pissed.

Alexa posted 8/17/2013 01:56 AM

I feel your pain. I too have not had sex in months. It's a difficult decision. Every time the situation arises, all I can see is the two of them together. I found pictures and video on his cell phone. He still hasn't given her up completely. They still talk. It disgusts me to see or think of that. I don't understand how they can expect sex after betraying our trust. I don't think the intimacy will come until you have totally forgiven him and it may not come back at all. That is what I am afraid of. If he has left the OW then you should try to at least hold hands and connect in some way. If not, divorce may be the alternative to an unhappy marriage. Do not stay in it for your children. They will notice as they get older and it will affect their relationships with others. You also owe it to yourself and your kids to be happy.

SSmile posted 10/6/2013 21:35 PM

Thank you everyone for the advice. He tried holding my hand and gives me hugs. He says he knows why I dont want to be intimate..He will wait until I am ready he says as long as it takes. He wants to start MC. We had a setback on that. I dont know if I am ready. One day I want to day I do not. We have 5 kids in the mix. I chose to stay for them. I am faking day I hope to make it.

silentheart posted 10/7/2013 12:56 PM

It helped me to see your post subject line. I was scared to post about that because I thought something was wrong with me. It has been 14 months since D-day for me and I still have not had sex with my BF. It is all very complicated. I don't want him to touch me but I love him. He loves me and says he understands although I can tell it hurts him. I'm scared I'm not going to be ok with it any time soon. I hope for both of us that we are able to move past the paralysis of this situation.

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