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Reconciliation :
Nuking vs Sautéing

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 Steppenwolf (original poster member #38140) posted at 3:12 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013

As someone who works with food daily, I often use it (metaphorically or otherwise) for self help.

This morning I was feeling down about how I am showing up for R and how it's progressing, when I had a bit of an uplift.

Reconciliation should not be microwaved. Christ, nothing really should be microwaved. The time and care you put into R will yield a more balanced R. One cannot just press a button, wait a few minutes and expect an authentic marriage. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes setbacks. It takes effort.

I am sautéing my R. It won't be done in two minutes and thirty seconds. It will simmer. It will bubble. It may burn. But with the right ingredients, it just might sing. And most importantly, it will be authentic.

Me: WS- 30s
Her: BS- 30s RockyMtn




posts: 126   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2013
id 6450904
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ladies_first ( member #24643) posted at 4:38 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013

Love, love, love this analogy!

Especially since we need to eat 3 times a day; we need to feed our relationships frequently, too.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

posts: 2144   ·   registered: Jul. 1st, 2009
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LosferWords ( member #30369) posted at 5:24 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013

Awesome, awesome analogy, Steppenwolf.

I tried nuking my R at first, and it all shortly turned to crap.

Been putting it through a slow smoker ever since.

Low and slow, my friend.

Take care.

posts: 31109   ·   registered: Dec. 11th, 2010
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Cliffhanger101 ( new member #40218) posted at 5:37 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013

This is nice. Of course, I just want things better now, immediately--nuke style! But, I know slow and easy will give much better results. Thanks for a new way to think about it.

posts: 12   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2013   ·   location: CliffHanger101
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doesitgetbetter ( member #18429) posted at 5:37 PM on Friday, August 16th, 2013

Along with that, I like to think of it not as sautéing, but as bringing to a boil and then letting it simmer to thicken up and really take the flavor. If my H would have started off sautéing, we might not have made it very far. Turn that sucker to boil, then let it simmer.

DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - WS
Us - working on R - again
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
D-day 2 July 4, 2015, turns out he is a SAWH, status, working harder than before
May 22, 2019 -slip/relapse. He forgot he has to work forever

posts: 4527   ·   registered: Feb. 29th, 2008
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