SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Undefinabl3 posted 8/16/2013 12:53 PM

I used to be fearless, outgoing, the first person to try things, and the go to girl for a good time (not that way)

I had hobbies, I had spunk, I had confidence.

Now, I don't. I am not really sure why 100%, but a lot has to do with the fact that I had to ask permission, open my soul up, and wait, hope and pray that everything I am doing is good enough.

It's easier to be a home bum then to go through the trigger inducing anything...but I am a 'doer' and I feel like I am losing the strong, confident person i was before.

We just got our horses, and I actually hate going out to mess with them alone. I dont like taking my phone cause I can't afford a new one if it breaks, but yet, If DH calls and I don't answer it then he immediatly thinks i am with someone on the side.

How do I get my confidence and individuality back without possibly triggering Dh all the time?

darkbeast posted 8/16/2013 13:02 PM

I have felt this way for a while, as well. I just don't enjoy things. I have a "fear", but not of any specific thing.

Uggh. It sucks.

It makes me feel better that I'm not alone. I hope it makes you feel better that you aren't alone.

Skan posted 8/16/2013 15:04 PM

As a long-time horse owner, go out and mess with your horses. Take a grooming bucket and groom them. Sit in the pasture and read while they graze around you. Hug them and cry in their manes. It will help center you down. Take a photo of the horses while you're out there, send it to your DH, and let him know that you're going to put your phone down in the grooming tray/bucket for a while so you don't drop it, then send him another photo when you're done.

Horses are good for the soul. Feed yours.

JustAShadow posted 8/16/2013 17:34 PM

^^^^^Everything Skan said

Horses are good for the soul. Feed yours.

Even my non-horse-crazy H has commented on how calming it is to be around them.

For me, there are times that I can only spend 15 minutes out there with them (and they are about 20 minutes away from my current home) but even that is such a boost to my morale and puts me in a much better place.

Talk to your DH and run Skan's idea by him. I hope that you two can come up with a solution that works for you both.

Undefinabl3 posted 8/19/2013 09:05 AM

I know....I love hopping on him bareback and riding around the field.

We dont have a ton of trust yet, we have only had them for 2 weeks, and he was abused by a previous owner, so he has some issues with some training that I would like to do.

After 2 weeks I finally got licks out of a lunge session, its a start....but I feel like i am so small when I alone there.

I have turned to DH for so many cues in my new exisitance that when I go out on my own i feel like I am just going to forget everything I have learned. Not slip up and cheat again - no, that's a lesson well learned. But just the little things that can make and break the R.

Skan posted 8/19/2013 19:46 PM

I used to sit with a book and a drink in a chair, with a bit of sweetfeed or hay scattered next to me and just be a physical presence with some of my rescues. A non-threatening presence for them to get used to. Fed my soul and helped to feed theirs. (((hugs)))