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Newest Member: NHope (61816)

User Topic: Garbage heap of irrelevance
♂ 32368
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now I’m really going to step in it and will probably get run but here is something that really bugs the shit out of me. There was a discussion some time back in NB about whether there was a double standard for men when it came to aptitudes toward women in posts compared to what women post about men. Now I do have a point that is relevant to new beginnings, so here me out…Here is exhibit A of many. This was in reference to an upcoming date with a guy.

Maybe other parts of him are extremely long and Spanish too.

I get the joke and I have ABSOLUTELY no problem with it… (let me see if I got it right, His penis may be long… however the Spanish thing I’m not sure about but as I’m a little dense so maybe someone could explain) Like I said, I have no problem with it. My problem is that if a man had posted the same thing to another man in regards to let’s say breast size or God forbid, cuchi tightness…correct me if I’m wrong…there would be a virtual testicle lynching.

Now how this relates to New Beginnings and if there is relevance in our everyday new beginnings/relationships, I will let you decide. If you deem it doesn't mean anything, feel free to lock and send to the garbage heap of irrelevance.

I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jun 2011
Grace and Flowers
♀ 34431
Member # 34431
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to say I agree with you. If a guy posted here in NB that he was going on a date with a gal who looked like she might have huge ta-ta's, or something to that effect, I'd be annoyed.

I would hope that after what we have all gone through, we all know that while physical attraction is important, it's who the person IS that's way more important.

Not sure if I'm saying that right, but basically, I agree with you.

"Absence makes the clarity grow stronger" - cantaccept

"A good man with good intentions has no reason to lie" - somer222

Posts: 1398 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: US
♀ 32616
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There is something of a double standard, but if you don’t find something offensive, that doesn’t mean others don’t reserve the right to be offended when they feel objectified. Some people are more sensitive than others, posting on a board this size, with so many view points it’s almost impossible not to hit a nerve from time to time. I think almost everyone has had to swallow their lumps at some point. I hope it doesn't discourage you from posting and seeking advice.

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3640 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
♂ 32368
Member # 32368
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never mind, I think my point was lost in the translation.

I've wiped the shit off. It can be wiped off you know.

Posts: 640 | Registered: Jun 2011
♀ 17460
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got your point and agree.

Double standard, for sure.


Fidelity isn't a's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09

Posts: 21377 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:16 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

----Posting as a member---

asurvivor - I agree with your post. And there's nothing irrelevant about the point you are making. I'm really glad you hit submit on it rather than "neverminding" it away.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 33438
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Yes, there's a double standard."

------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 578 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
♀ 21964
Member # 21964
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

En su ejemplo y en este asunto, estoy de acuerdo. And there you go, I agreed with you in Spanish although it's not necessarily a long sentence

Posts: 3446 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Mexico
♀ 8923
Member # 8923
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

See your point and agree.

In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer..Albert Camus
--------69 now. Dday was 11/11/05
***Used to be hit-by-a-train***
Widowed, then VERY happily remarried 2/14/14

Posts: 2576 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: USA
♀ 35229
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree. There are double standards everywhere.

The reaction to a woman saying she wants to rip a man's face off is different to the reaction to a man saying it about a woman.

I don't understand why it is but I do know I have some double standards myself.

Perhaps it is like the minorities who start using derogatory words about themselves to diminish a words power.

Maybe it is because humans are faulty.

Both men and women have double standards - sometimes about the same things sometimes about other things eg. slut/stud, age difference in dating between the sexes, gender roles etc. etc.

I remember having a conversation with a very liberal thinking colleague many years ago. His wife had kept her own name and we were talking in a group about what we all thought about it. I was very young and surprised that it was the women who seemed to be vocal about thinking it was a silly thing to do.

This colleague outlined all of the reasons he supported it and I agreed with him wholeheartedly.

I asked him whose surname his children have and the entire room baulked at me. OF COURSE they have MY name!!

I didn't agree or disagree with it but I saw the double standard, IYKWIM.

Are all double standards sinister and need to be quashed? I don't know. I don't know that they can be. I don't know that they need to be.

I may have reached a point where I'd piss on him if he was on fire.... eventually!!

Posts: 6012 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 21966
Member # 21966
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everybody *knows* size doesn't matter

Posts: 1111 | Registered: Dec 2008
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, August 16th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did not see that post, but if I had, I would probably have been annoyed and disgusted, yet I don't know if I would have called the poster on it. I will have to query my conscience on this one.

It's not only a gender double standard, it's also racist and sexist. I'm sure it was not meant to be, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions...

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 5:37 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally agree with you. It made me think of the comment that my wxh made regarding me :"fat girls need love, too."

So very hurtful.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9177 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 32785
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 7:47 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I work in a male dominated environment and sometimes look on make dominated forums and innuendo or downright sexual/sexist comments are often made.

I know that SI is an inclusive forum, however, it attracts a predominantly female audience, coupled with that, the post you have quoted is from a thread posted by a woman discussing a potential date with a man, which is the sort of conversation typically held between women with limited male input hence the female "locker room"type talk.

Please not think I am saying that a man's input is not welcome or valued here, I do believe however, if you are going to single out another member's post as an example context should be applied.

We make our own fortunes and call them fate, and what better excuse to choose a path then to insist it's our destiny.

Posts: 610 | Registered: Jul 2011
♀ 16671
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw it, and took exception to it, but last time I took exception I was called out for being too sensitive so I just exited the conversation.

There is a double standard.

But I have decided not to be the one who stirs it up when my buttons get pushed.

So, In response to the other post, I will say that the women who posted came across as being uninformed and bordering on offensive. Mr. Potential date withe the romantic name and high paying profession was quickly to a creep and the other side of the stereotype when she saw his picture. Insert eye roll and exit post.

So much for holding my tongue.

Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.

Posts: 4919 | Registered: Oct 2007
Topic Posts: 15

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