And get bath time done early.
Make sure you make a copy of the texts before he has a chance to delete them...
Is there any way he could at least delay the trip due to a family emergency? This is terrible timing because you need his time and support to help you get through this.
As for losing his job he is risking that by carrying on this type of behavior depending on how strict his company is. If he intends to have a PA or any physical contact (including kissing) with this whore coworker then he is also risking your sexual health and possibly your children's health (STDs and other communicable diseases).
Some cheaters play dumb about the STD risk. But I'm living proof because I contracted HPV and Herpes from my fWH's whore. Both these can be caught even when condoms are used. And who knows what communicable diseases he could catch outside the US? Maybe this would give him pause?
[This message edited by whattheh at 2:00 PM, August 16th (Friday)]
I too found out via an new IPad. Isn't it sad.
I am so sorry you had to read that. No one in the world deserves to see what their spouse thinks and says to the A person. Print them out. Keep them safe. If you can see his phone remember.....you can get into his email account via the IPad.
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
Be strong and calm. Hang in there.
Also, if you print them out and hand them to him in a more public place he might think twice about not telling the truth. If you can get a sitter earlier, like before dinner the better. You need to unload the pain as soon as you can.....your mind will take this and triple the hurt all on its own.
[This message edited by TxsT at 2:04 PM, August 16th (Friday)]
eta: I would also change the password to his Apple ID so that he can't go behind you and change it back. And if you really want to play dirty, you could send HER a text to the number he's using to correspond with her and let her know that her behavior will be reported to her superiors. Maybe if she thought her job was at stake she would back the F off.
[This message edited by Chicky at 2:24 PM, August 16th (Friday)]
I just texted him something completely benign to check something - and sure enough, that text didn't show up on the ipad. He must have fixed his settings on his phone.
THIS^^^just shows you that he is in damage control. He will be sorry that your figured it out but not remorseful that he has blown up your marriage.
Like the other posters said please make copies. Hide one and confront with the other.
Trust me, he will try to minimize his own words. 'Oh, we were just kidding! I would never do that to you. I was never going to go through with anything, blah, blah, lies, bullshit, blah"...ya riiight!
Alee, don't let him piss on you and tell you its raining!
If he was really remorseful he would have admitted that he was angling for sex with this ho-worker and sent a NC note to her with you present.
The fact that he just turned off the syncing tells you than he will still try to consummate this ugly tryst. UGH! I hate ho-workers!
He has taken his betrayal of you underground.
I know that you are reeling. When I found the FB messages between Mr. Happy and his ho-worker I literally fell to my knees shaking. My head was spinning and my ears were buzzing. No kidding. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced.
I would like to be gentler, but I just don't want you to let him off the hook too easily. I am not sure how you will be able to trust him while he travels. Since his first move was the wrong one...you may have to hit him with some shock and awe to jolt him out of the rainbow-unicorn-farting-fantasyland where all extra-marital realtionships look sparkly and everything smells great. Where there is no dirty laundry, overdue bills, leaky roofs; no sick kids and barfy dogs don't exist.
If sweet nothings (and I mean nothings) from a stranger can turn his head away from a real live loving wife who has his back...well he is broken.
So don't try to fix him. Focus on you and your needs.
NO matter what he tries to lay on you remember you are in the same marriage and you did not cheat! That is 100% on him!
Please make sure that you ask him for these things:
Transparency(passwords and whereabouts), Honesty (No Lying or lies by omission!)
There is a great book out there for him to read. "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" He needs to run and get it now!
I am so sorry that you had to join our club. But you are in good company with great collective wisdom. So no matter what, keep posting. We get it and we care.
PS~ TxsT's idea of getting a sitter or letting your family take the kids for the evening is a good one. You will need the freedom to don those bitch boots and let her rip!
Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
I'm so sorry.
What I wanted to say, though, is to encourage you to be calm and confident when you confront him. The first time this happened, and I confronted my WH, I was hysterical. That backfired completely--he literally left the house and drove away. The second time (sigh, yes, a second time, three years later), I was shaking, but I was calm. There were no tears. There were no ultimatums. There were no demands. There was no begging for reassurances. I simply said that I knew and that I wanted a decision from him either to leave or to stay, but if he stayed, then he better be willing to work on the marriage. I left it at that. We're now about 6 weeks past the confrontation. I can't say that things are that much better now, but they are not worse, and I am proud of how I handled the initial confrontation.
Think about it: If you are more concerned about his job than your marriage, he'll get away with no consequences and you and your kids will suffer. All he has 2 do, is go deeper underground. He's already started doing that with his unsyncing his phone. If he goes on this trip, he'll take the affair 2 the next level. Bet on it. But even if he didn't, he's already cheating on you by being secretive and having an EA.
Seriously consider contacting the HR department where he works and ask for their help. If you do that, they might be inclined 2 be helpful rather than fire him and put your family in a financial bind. Maybe they'll fire her?
Also, it takes 2 2 tango. She's as guilty as he is. Stop worrying about her consequences.