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just need to vent....support only please

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Alyssamd24 posted 8/16/2013 14:09 PM

I found out at work today that AP and his wife are expecting their second baby...she told us this morning at drop off.

I know this shouldn't upset me cuz I'm supposed to be indifferent towards him, but it does. Not only because months ago he was telling me he was in love with me, but also because his BW is so happy and excited and has no idea who she is really married to.

I have been doing so well with NC and moving on and trying to figure my own shit out, so why is this affecting me this way?

I am sure this post will upset people and get me criticized...but am hoping to hear some words of encouragement or support.

SandAway posted 8/16/2013 14:28 PM

It is affecting you because your not completely NC - you still know whats going on in his life and it is keeping you in the A frame of mind. You see them happy while your life is still a mess - Of course it pisses you off.

That is why you need to look elsewhere for work. It is impossible to go NC while your still there.


sunnyrain posted 8/16/2013 14:55 PM

(((hugs)))

It would upset me as well, for both of the reasons you mentioned.

Things just never seem to make sense in the world of affairs.

I am sorry you are hurting.

[This message edited by sunnyrain at 2:56 PM, August 16th (Friday)]

Alyssamd24 posted 8/16/2013 15:15 PM

Sand away,

I am already looking for another job....one interview so far!!

Thank you sunny

MissesJai posted 8/16/2013 15:37 PM

why is this affecting me this way?
good question. Why is it? Ask yourself that. Why do you even care? I'm not being snarky - I just want you to explore this further.

[This message edited by MissesJai at 3:38 PM, August 16th (Friday)]

ShockedErica11 posted 8/16/2013 16:15 PM

WS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 7:07 PM, August 16th (Friday)]

JustDesserts posted 8/16/2013 16:16 PM

FWIW, Alyssa, xAP's BS will learn who he is and what he's done at some point. She is blithely unaware and her happiness will turn to something you see in JFO thread. And him, he goes from his scott free life built on sand he "enjoys" today, to the life of us here on the WS side: a world of fear, confusion, hurt, resentments, anger and unknowns.

Perhaps you can feel sorry for her, and know that just about the time his charade of a life crumbles at his feet you'll be emerging a stronger, better, healing YOU.

He'll then be the one posting about whatever that particular day's shit sandwich tastes like. And your new life WILL be taking flight.

I feel for you. It's time for you to feel sorry for her, and find indifference toward him, even just a crumb, and thus move your own growth and healing in the right direction. Easier said than done. JD

P.S. I'm actually amazed he hasn't fessed up. World of hurt awaits him...

Trying33 posted 8/16/2013 16:38 PM

I think you're hurting because in your mind you can't figure out how you got someone so wrong. How all those intimate moments and declarations of love were all just complete and utter bullshit. How in actual fact and in real life he never stopped living his real life and loving his wife.

How his plans to build a new house and now a new addition to his family may have been a plan all along.. all through the fantasy you built in your head that maybe it was real, that maybe he really did love and care for you.

It's the realisation that it indeed was all a farce and an incredible fantasy.

What's hurting is how could you have been so wrong. How did you get into such a mess.

I'm sorry you're hurting. I would be too. The quicker you get your new job the quicker you can leave this mess behind you and start fresh.

Try not to think about it. I know it's easy for me to say but keep busy and stay strong.

floridaredman posted 8/16/2013 18:36 PM

I understand what you feel. I even understand why you feel it.

Even though you have stopped the literal affair;
you have never truly left the affair.
You are still in the environment in which it was born and bred.
Therefore you are susceptible to all the emotions and feelings that go along with an affair.

How long do you think a recovering alcoholic will last working in a liquor store?
I can't sympathize with you being jealous of your AP's wife, but I do understand what you are feeling

Trust me, NC, true NC..will work wonders.

[This message edited by floridaredman at 6:37 PM, August 16th (Friday)]

Alyssamd24 posted 8/16/2013 18:58 PM

Thank you everyone. At this point I am even more convinced than I was before that quitting this job and moving on is the best thing to do...if only I had done it when everyone on here told me to!! :)

I am angry and hurt, and angry that I'm hurt if that makes any sense. I hope it's true that he will eventually somehow get caught. And I feel awful that I am the reason for her pain if/when he does get caught. Cuz the happy life that she thinks she has:with the great home, great husband and children is all a lie.

I am also angry at myself for letting myself get involved in such a shitty situation. I am remembering all the things he used to tell me...things that obviously were not true. How could I have been so naive to believe it? I'm usually better than that, so why did I let some asshole feed me those lines and put myself in such an ugly situation? I threw away my life with my husband, who did nothing but love me and try to provide for our family, for a man who can't own up to what he did?

SurprisinglyOkay posted 8/17/2013 09:03 AM

At this point I am even more convinced than I was before that quitting this job and moving on is the best thing to do...if only I had done it when everyone on here told me to!! :)

You had to get there yourself.

You had to become willing.


sunnyrain posted 8/17/2013 12:47 PM

Cuz the happy life that she thinks she has:with the great home, great husband and children is all a lie.

As the OW, I always felt that I was the lie, and that AP's home life was his truth.

Darkness Falls posted 8/17/2013 13:11 PM

As the OW, I always felt that I was the lie, and that AP's home life was his truth.

t/j...

I slightly disagree with this. My relationship with OM was a lie, for sure, because I was married so it wasn't a real relationship. But my home life---any married AP's home life---is a HUGE lie just as much as their life with OM/OW. I was living a lie at home with my XH every single day while I was cheating, and I would have continued living that lie even if I had stopped cheating and he had never found out.

JMHO. Sorry for t/j.

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