Neither of us ever expected to cohabitate again. We both have lots of stuff and very little storage space in his house. For a variety of reasons we decided not to sell both houses and purchase something for both of us. Mostly we don't want to take on new mortgage responsibilities at this time of life.
Many people who hear my news (mostly younger friends) ask me "Aren't you EXCITED?!" And my answer is "Not really."
Besides all the work associated with downsizing and getting my house ready for the market. At my age I'm going into this with my eyes wide open. I know it's going to take work, negotiation, and compromise.
I have been single for 8 years, so I'm getting pretty set in my ways. (I keep thinking about that Friends episode where Monica laments, "I'm going to have to live with a BOY again!")
My SO has been single for 4 years and retired for 3 years. He has been enjoying a pretty happy-go-lucky existence since he stopped the 8 to 5 grind.
I'm still working, which may be helpful while we get into a new routine - we will not be constantly under foot of one another.
So while I'm not "EXCITED" by the prospect, I look forward to getting in, getting settled, and working out our individual quirks to enjoy more time together. I have faith that we will figure it all out.
Is this a bad sign? Am I being too practical? Should I be having all those starry-eyed butterfly feelings?
NL
First time I rented out my house to someone and moved to where he was- about an hour away. Apparently when I moved in the presence of a uterus in the house caused him to forget how to cook and clean for himself. He complained about everything I did and just generally made me miserable. When the tenant gave notice, I moved back to my own house and it was over.
This last time I let someone move into MY house. I figured it would be easier for me because if it ended I wouldn't have to move anywhere. But it was harder than I thought to share my space with someone and he complained bitterly that he didn't have any "say" at my house (as far as making changes, where stuff went, etc). He didn't like that I always got the last word. He criticized me a lot too- after a while I couldn't do anything right with him either. It lasted 15 months. He just moved out last weekend, and it's been equally hard.
In both scenarios I am SO glad I kept MY house and had a place to go/be when it ended. Selling my home to move in with someone is a risk I would never be willing to take- because I know how fast things can end and how little control you have over other people.
Maybe I'm just too set in my ways and don't trust anyone enough to really let them in my life to the extent they want. But it's not something I can control and experience has taught me to *always* protect myself and have my own place to live that's not dependent on anyone else.
In the unlikely chance I should ever meet anyone else- I would never cohabitate again. He has his place and I have mine, and that's that. And I will never marry again so it's not like it would happen in that scenario either. People will come and go as they please, so I will never tie my well-being or living circumstances to another person ever again.
I look forward to getting in, getting settled, and working out our individual quirks to enjoy more time together. I have faith that we will figure it all out.
Who needs excitement when you have all that? Frankly, excitement is for people of a certain personality but I find it tiring. The big up followed by the big down. I have a calmer personality and I like peace and tranquility. I think looking forward to working out the kinks is a good approach.
You've known your guy a long time so this is a big step. If you wanted to be extra cautious you could try it for 3 months and keep your house. But I don't think your lack of squee-like excitement is a bad sign, just a more mature woman taking a big step.
So while I'm not "EXCITED" by the prospect, I look forward to getting in, getting settled, and working out our individual quirks to enjoy more time together. I have faith that we will figure it all out
The thought of living with someone again scares the heck out of me but I could see doing it again if it was like you stated right there.
While I think butterflies and "squeeee!"s are good, this is too. It's realistic and going into something you want to do with your eyes wide open. Nothing wrong with that.
Happy for you, NL.
I have no problem with selling my house. And if things don't work out, I would be happy to downsize to a place where I don't have to do all the maintenance. My little home, that I have been so proud to own all on my own, has served its purpose.
Of course I'm closer to retirement age and want to spend my time and money on travel and adventure, and less on the care and maintenance of a home.
