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Emotionalhell posted 8/16/2013 17:57 PM

My XH is always late picking DS up or can't even tell me when he will be able to pick him up & is never on time bringing DS home .
Any suggestions on how to deal with the X on this matter.?
I do have a call in to my lawyer. Just haven't been able to talk to my lawyer.

tesla posted 8/16/2013 18:04 PM

I've been dealing with this the last couple of times...

I pick my son up from ex-shat's place...so no worries about being late. Ex-shat picks up from school on his visitation weekend during the school year...so no worries there.

ETA: I assigned a pick-up time that coincided with school dismissal. (I say assigned because it is worthless asking ex-shat for a time...he's incapable of setting one) I kept it the same time throughout the summer on the google calendar that ex-shat has access to. Maybe you could set a similar pick-up time or use the one in your state's visitation guidelines.

He picks up from my place during the summer and that's where he's been late. The last couple of times he's been late (and one time he 'forgot' about visitation). I finally relaxed about it today. I just made sure to keep the day open (no big deal...I'm a teacher on summer break). Teslet and I did some fun things this morning...got home right around pick-up time and popped in a movie. Ex-shat was (surprise, suprise) an hour late. But for the first time, I didn't care, we were enjoying ourselves.

[This message edited by tesla at 6:06 PM, August 16th (Friday)]

Ashland13 posted 8/18/2013 16:30 PM

Yes, we have this too. It makes my anxiety buzz because of how he left. He also spoke of wanting DD to go there to live, so every time he's late, I have this sinking gut feeling.

Time is a boundary and in his mind, he doesn't need boundaries...they are for other people.

The experience it is making is so much extra stress that I don't say much to him directly. That's what I do, tell my lawyer. I write it down in a journal I hide and when there is a lawyer meeting, I do a very brief complaint to him and he finds a way to get it said when there's a meeting next time.

For a time, I was trying to save the money and "work with" Nearly ExH, but his personality is so that you can't just say a negative thing directly to him-he will switch it and find a way to "get you instead".

It depends on the personality of your X and the types of words you use-I often consider Nearly ExH like a school kid I may tutor, when they've been naughty, where sometimes a direct hit blows up at you.

I learned to do it in a "parallel" way, where I make it about our child and not him. Or I make it about me and not him, even though it's him doing the action-rather, I make it about the reaction.

Housefulloflove posted 8/19/2013 10:37 AM

Since overnights started this summer, the closest Ex has come to picking the kids up on time was arriving an hour and a half late.

However, he consistently brings the kids home early. POS. But as eager as he is to bring them home, I'm just as eager to have them home so I don't mind.

The only thing I could do was expect him to be late and he doesn't disappoint! When he tells me how late he will be I add at least an hour to that time when the kids ask when he is going to show up. Even then he tend to show up and hour or so later than that!

It's likely his passive aggressive attempt at feeling in control because he is doing something he clearly doesn't really want to do. Summer is almost over and then he will go back to taking them out once or twice a week with no overnights. I can't make him a better father so as long as the support payments show up, he can go f* himself.