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Tryingtomoveon85 posted 8/16/2013 22:58 PM

About a month ago, I stumbled onto a relationship that my wife of five years had been carrying on with her coworker. To give you background, when we moved to where we currently live, my wife quickly became friends with this coworker because we have a one year old little girl and at the time, he and his wife had a newborn baby boy. I was quickly introduced and months later, he and I were becoming friends.

I began to suspect that something was going on when she first mentioned the topic that he and his wife were in an open marriage. I thought that was a very strange decision but, hey, to each their own...

I noticed that month after month, her text message counts on our shared cell phone plan were through the roof!!! Like 1,000+ a month!!! I started to try to see who she was texting so much and to no avail, she had been deleting her text messages on her commute home because her inbox was always empty.

About a month ago, I saw that she received a text from him so I picked up her phone and read it. It said "I cannot stop thinking about our kiss..." That was followed by some pretty graphic sexting. I immediately confronted her with it and she quickly fessed up. She says that it was only a kiss but I cannot help but think that there was more than that going on (especially after reading the sexts)... I don't trust her when it comes to this and I feel like if she just tells me everything, that I will feel better.... I don't know...

I want to make this work but even 1+ month later, I cannot help but think about her with him and how betrayed I felt/feel. Any advice from people out there who have made it work in similar situations.

blindsided03 posted 8/16/2013 23:13 PM

Hi, I'm def not trying to make it work, but I just wanted to say I feel your pain and wish that it would go away. I can't eat, or sleep, or even enjoy things like I did before I really knew my stbxh. I hate that d-bag, but I hope that you and your wife work out okay. Hugs.

mchercheur posted 8/16/2013 23:15 PM

Welcome to SI Tryingtomoveon85.

So sorry you find yourself here, as we all are. This site will help you a lot----you will get a lot of support which you will need in the time to come. What you are feeling is normal. All of us Betrayed Spouses know how you feel.

I am sorry to tell you this, but chances are that a lot more occurred than your Wayward Wife is admitting to . Has she sent the Other Man a No Contact letter?

Don't make any hasty decisions.
Take care of yourself. Read everything in the Healing Library, & start reading some posts on here. You will learn a lot from people who have already gone thru it, & those that are presently going thru what you are going thru.
Wishing you strength

sudra posted 8/16/2013 23:18 PM

Welcome to SI. I’m sorry you have to be here but it’s a great place if you need it.

At a minimum, this is an emotional affair. And make no mistake, an emotional affair is an affair. It is not "just a kiss." It is a huge betrayal of you and your marriage. Unfortunately, some wayward spouses (WSs) often lie about exactly how much physical contact occurred when confronted. You may later find out more occurred. Both of you should be tested for STDs before you have sex with her again.

You night want to consider individual counseling (IC)for her and you - her to figure out why she allowed herself to cheat, and you to deal with the betrayal. Marriage counseling (MC) is a good idea if you plan to stay in the marriage. However, you don't need to make a decision about staying or divorcing right now - even if she is remorseful, most say it's a good idea to not make an immediate decision. If she wants you, she will do the work to keep you.

She should answer all of your questions, her phone, computer and all social media need to be an open book to you. It's the only way she can rebuild the trust.

Do some reading here. Check out The Healing Library - the link is in the yellow box in the upper left corner of the screen.

Take care of yourself. This is an awful thing to go through. Remember to eat if you can, and to drink water. Exercise helps with the stress as well.

Post here as you need. We've all been in your shoes. Read some of the other's posts. Although everyone is different, it's amazing how much WSs act alike during an affair and in the aftermath.

Take care.

Chicky posted 8/16/2013 23:37 PM

The first thing I would do is make sure that his wife knows. Don't trust that either one of the cheaters will tell her - YOU need to tell her and NOW!