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I'm drowning...

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hewasmyworld posted 8/17/2013 07:56 AM

I joined this group a year ago last March, made one post and disappeared. I don't know where else to turn now.

I discovered my WH had a six month affair and was trying to hook up with random women on Craiglist back then. I was destroyed. I NEVER imagined he would ever do that to me. He truly seemed remorseful and devastated by what he did. We've spent the past year 1/2 trying to work it out....or so I thought. I went to a psychiatrist for a while by myself and he started IC. After just a few weeks, the counselor wanted to see both of us together. Then it as couples therapy from that point forward. It lasted for a while and I thought it as helping, but it did get to the point where we decided to not see her anymore. That was an awful mistake.

Things slowly kept getting worse. I couldn't get past how this had happened and why he would do that to me, the ONLY person (including his family), that really believed and supported in him. He began to get self-centered and defensive about the past, etc. It finally got to the point that last May, I kicked him out. We have a second house that is much larger and nicer, but we are renovating it that he went to stay in. He would tell me he could see how he took me for granted and wanted to be a better man for me, but just last week,we had a huge fight.

The fight changed me. I was finally able to let go of that past resentment. I was ready for him to come back home. He suddenly did a 180 on me. He told me he always had doubts about us, and that he cared for me, but he would never love me as much as I loved him. This was after he had already stayed over twice. He said he was confused and just wanted some time. At one point we were going to spend Saturday morning together, and we went to our other house so he could get something. While he was inside, I looked at this text messages and saw where he was telling one of his co-workers about another girl. I felt like I got punched in the stomach. I confronted him about her and he immediately got mad that I looked at his phone and said they were "just friends" but he didn't tell me about her because I always over reacted about his female friends now.

Within the past week, I've found out he's lied to me about how he's kept in contact with her, that they've kissed, and that he has "feelings" for her. He has still, with the exception of the past two nights, stayed over with me.

He maintains he just can't make it work between us, but every time I try to do anything that will let me move past, get started on the divorce, he gets upset and says he's just asking for more time. I finally told him he needed to go see her, so the two of them could talk about if they even wanted to have a relationship. He never told me about the talk, and when we were texting last night, I know he was still out (presumably with her)until at least midnight. I'm imagining the worst.

I'm leaving out a lot of details, but I'm so alone right now. I've spent the past 8 years thinking he as my best friend, and in fact my only friend, up until a few days ago. I'm an extreme introvert, and all I can see ahead of me is my life, alone in this house that has all of his memories, drowning in the debt he helped create, while he walks away with everything he wants.

I have an appointment to see a counselor on Monday, but I just feel like I'm in a hopeless situation. Despite all that he's done, I still love him and he's still going to walk away...

nowiknow23 posted 8/17/2013 08:14 AM

(((((hewasmyworld))))) I'm so glad you came back here, honey.

This push-pull is all about him. He wants to keep you simmering away on the back burner as a back-up plan while he does whatever he wants. And so far, it has worked for him. That's not a ding against you AT ALL - he's just very good at doing and saying just enough to keep your hopes alive. It's beyond cruel.

If you want this cycle to stop, your best bet is to move ahead with the D. File. Have him served. Start separating your lives. Turn away from him and his actions, and start focusing on YOU and your future. It's not easy. Not at all. But the only way out of the madness is to start walking.

Big hugs.

LAFA posted 8/17/2013 08:33 AM

You truly need to see an Attorney ASAP. The bit of you drowning in debt while he walks comfortably must not stand.Counseling is good, but you also need representation.

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