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ThisHell posted 8/17/2013 09:49 AM

Hi everyone...stupid question here...Im getting child support and some spousal and we have a separation agreement (cannot officially file divorce till sept 8) that states he and I share extraordinary activity and extroardinary expenses 50%. I'm taking care of all school clothes for three boys, and just got a nasty text back when I asked if he would cover bookbags and lunchboxes since I am taking care of all other school supplies. Hell, last year it cost us $150 for only 2 kids school supplies, not including clothing! And I offer to cover all of that if he will just take care of bookbags, and he tells me he is paying me "an incredible" amount every month, "take it out of that"....gee, thanks.

so am I wrong? Are school supplies like this day to day expenses, or exroardinary expenses that he should be helping with?

MovingUpward posted 8/17/2013 10:01 AM

I am not sure if school supplies are considered extra-ordinary. My X and I do split these but neither asked a lawyer about it. I do know that medical expenses and sports and other activities fell into that description. But school could be an ordinary activity like needing clothes that might fall under CS. However the amounts now for school supplies makes it seem like it should be in the bucket outside of covered by CS.

devistatedmom posted 8/17/2013 10:16 AM

My MSA says we split school expenses. By his thinking, he shouldn't have to pay for lunches, or large trips or anything. Nope. He should have to pay.

ThisHell posted 8/17/2013 10:33 AM

see, its not broken down that minutely in our agreement. it says camp, day care, afterschool, medical copays and sports stuff...

I guess it more just ticked me off that he gave me such an attitude. I never asked for 50%...I actually specified that I was taking care of all school supplies and clothing for all three boys and simply asked if he could take them to get new bookbags and lunchboxes since theirs from last year were a mess and had been used two years in a row already. Last year it cost me $150 just for 2 kids school supplies alone..not even clothing, and now our youngest is entering kindergarten. I have not asked for anything extra from him...though he had no problem asking me to cover 1/2 of a $400 bmx bike HE wanted to get oldest DS for his bday. Um, no! I got him something from me already and if he chooses to promise an expensive gift, that's on him to figure out. Yet I'm given attitude for asking for a small assistance on a necessity for school. sigh

PurpleRose posted 8/17/2013 11:13 AM

We have two kids in school, and I had no idea it was going to be a huge issue for the Dooosh to take one child back to school shopping and I'd take the other. I figured that would eliminate me needing to send receipts and wait for him to pay me back.

School supplies are so expensive!

So I emailed him, since he would have my son that weekend he could take him to get his stuff.

I was shocked (for a minute, then remembered I'm dealing with a complete asshole) when he replied "of course I will not be buying back to school supplies. That is what I pay child support for."

Yeah, ok Dooosh. Thanks for NOT stepping up to the plate once again to do the right thing by your kids!

So I feel your financial pain. I don't understand who they think they are hurting?? It's not ME- its the children. When I have to tell them sorry I cannot buy the other things they want (daughter needs all new clothes for school since she grew 2 sizes since last September) it is not me who will be sad. It's the children.

Why don't they get that!??!

hoya96 posted 8/17/2013 11:25 AM

My ex refuses to pay for anything other than child support and health insurance, as required by state law. We just had a 10 month, $$$ modification suit (he sued me) and my lawyer said that it could really go either way depending on the judge as far as fighting it out in court, so I decided to let it go, save legal fees, and suck it up.

I have 3 kids in private school, so the extra costs are a LOT and never ending. Uniforms and school supplies alone cost over 500 dollars. I'm a teacher married to another teacher and he makes 6 figures in corporate and refuses to help.

It is what it is.

dmari posted 8/17/2013 11:30 AM

Aarrgghh!! Assholes. Since we are not married to stand-up men who would just do what is right, I would think you would have to go by the separation agreement. Luckily, yours states "extraordinary expenses" which I feel would be school supplies.

My DS14 needed a laptop and uniforms for school and stbx will not help pay for. I could ask for reimbursement for half in our settlement offer but I'm using it as leverage instead.

Back to your questions: No, I don't think you are wrong. I think school supplies are extraordinary expenses. He can take his reply and shove it.

Nature_Girl posted 8/17/2013 12:03 PM

Mine refuses to help with this expense as well. Don't you feel special that your beloved is in the same Extreme Asshole category as mine?

Housefulloflove posted 8/17/2013 12:43 PM

Assholes being assholes. A lot of idiots think that paying child support covers their failures as a parent it seems.

Ex actually *volunteered* to give me extra to offset the cost of b2s shopping! So far I have received 1/6th of what he agreed to contribute. I hope I receive the rest but I'm not going to hold my breath. I plan as though he will not do what he says he will do and then if he actually does it's a pleasant surprise.

ruinedandbroken posted 8/17/2013 18:52 PM

I don't think my decree specifically addresses school supplies but my attorney said that they would fall under child support. However, I don't ask him for anything. Zilch, nada, nothing. He is the last person I want anything from.

LisaP posted 8/18/2013 01:14 AM

In my state, school supplies, sports, medical/dental expenses, etc are all extra. Food/clothing/shelter is covered under CS. My attorney wanted to put school supplies/sports in the divorce decree, but I told her I didn't think it was necessary...they are his kids, he will pay. I never, ever imagined that XH wouldn't help pay for the extras.

Boy was I wrong!

cmego posted 8/18/2013 07:19 AM

I have primary custody, but we split "extra expenses" 50/50. The mediator suggested that I should buy 85% of clothing since they are with me 85% of the time.

Therefore I buy all clothing, and the large back to school buying, but he buys all pajamas and shoes.

I pack my kids lunch every day, but he has to purchase the Costso membership.

We split school supplies 50/50. Literally, he takes one kid shopping, I take the other.

At first, my ex was the same, "THAT is covered under the HUGE amount I pay you in CHILD SUPPORT!" I went back to the mediator, and she helped him "see" what cs covers. CS is for the food in their mouths, the clothes on their back and the roof over their heads. The basics. BUT, that only covers 85% of their "life", he has them 15% and therefore needs to pay for 15% of the "stuff". Does that make sense?

My situation may be different in that I keep 100% of the kids things at my house. I pack a bag when they visit him (or pack!) and it is all returned. We just found this works easier for us since they only go e/o weekend to him.

LadyQ posted 8/18/2013 08:15 AM

To my way of thinking, things they need for school are "ordinary needs", and I cover that cost fully from child support and my own income. I also pay for my kids school clothes. School lunches is definitely covered by CS as that would be an "ordinary" expense (comes under the heading of food). The things that I ask for help with are extra-curriculars and supplies needed for those extra-curriculars (think basketball shoes, mouth guards, leotards for gymnastics). I give the kids money to eat when they have away games as I feel that is covered by CS as an ordinary expense (I'd have to feed them regardless, right?). I'm sure this is not a "popular view, but I feel that things like school supplies are items that they have to have (as opposed to extra curricular activities, which let's face it, are wants) and so are not "extra ordinary".

I haven't even asked for him to cover half of all extra-curricular activities. My dd had summer basketball league. It was $50, plus I had to transport her to all games (not one was less than 30 minutes away). But I've kind of set a threshold amount in my mind. If the activity doesn't cost more than I can comfortably afford, I go ahead and pay it.

I get a modest amount of CS and he pays it on-time and without any fuss. I hate to give him any credit, but he is stepping up to the plate on that.

ThisHell posted 8/18/2013 10:39 AM

thank you all for your replies. I had expected to cover the cost of supplies and told him as much, I just think its ridiculous that buying bookbags would be such an inconvenience to him for gods sake. but, whatever. Its good to get some clarity and feedback from others..thanks yall!

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