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Bad day. Just venting cause I'm at a breaking point.

Last day of work before wh vacation I had hidden the Var. I never listened to it until yesterday. Now I am so angry I could punch someone.

I want to call him right now and tell him to get home to pack his shit but if I do confront he'll just say I'm not hearing what I AM hearing and give me some lousy excuse that it's something else.

I have cropped, copied and filtered the clip. It's not 100% clear but it's clear enough to prove "something" is going on! What that actual something is I'm not sure and I know damn well he won't come clean!

It may not be solid proof but it's enough for me to say I give up!

Do not call him!

What do you want to do? If this is your breaking point then I say pack his stuff in some hefty bags and have it waiting for him on the porch.

All you have to say is I know what is going on and I am done. Honestly, you don't even have to say that to him.

I've been reading your posts for awhile. You have put up with a lot. At least you know that you tried and he is no longer worth it.

My bigger problem Is self doubt.

Always has been. In school
I always second guessed my answers.

I have second guessed everything.

So when I hear something on a recording my first knee jerk reaction is anger. Then i start to question what I am hearing. It's not as black and white as say his email to OW1 saying to use an alternate email so his wife wouldn't know, or the detailed and disturbing emails to OW2 about their sexual encounters.

No, var rcordings are flawed. There's background noise. It's not 100% clear.

So while I am angry as all hell right now I have to acknowledge the very slim, 1% chance that it IS nothing.

What I can hear for sure:

- a kiss then "how you doing?"
- unaudible speech followed by a "shhhh"
- dinging from a vehicle door being open

He has found the Var and knows that I used it. It wasnt uncommon to hear him crank the radio up to try and drown out talking...

Ugh! He's headed back to work tonight and I have "other" means of seeing what he's doing. For the rest Of the weekend I'll just see what I can find out.

edited for spelling

[This message edited by DragnHeart at 11:16 AM, August 17th (Saturday)]

I confronted him. Well. He's been pushing to have another baby. That lead to a long discussion.

When I told him we aren't ok as a couple, that divorse is still a very real possibility, that I do not want another baby with him right now (even though we did have an oops and I might be already...), that I believe 100% he is still cheating and that I am trying hard not to end us right now he was floored.

His reaction was completely different than every other time I have confronted. He didn't get upset or demand my proof. He was calm. He said he can try to explain what I heard but it wouldn't matter. My mind is set. He said he is here, in the marriage. He said he hasn't cheated (we talked about what "cheating" is, not just sex but lack of boundaries etc). He said he wants us.

Is he a good talker...?

Yes!

Is he a master of lying?

Yes.

Do I believe him?

No.

I have been Wishing he would post here so others can get an idea of our situation from both sides. Perhaps I'm just so blinded by anger/hate/self doubt/hurt and "set" to find something that I see everything he does as cheating.

There's always a "but".

I have access to his emails, phone, fb account etc. BUT...that doesn't stop him from creating new emails or having a secret phone or...the list goes on.

Yes he has stayed in the marriage BUT is it because he wants us, staying just for the kids, knows he can have me and the kids and still get around every method of investigating so he can continue his affairs?

Has the affairs just been to much for me to ever forgive that R isn't really possible at all? What does R really look like? What does R look like for me? For him? For us?

What will it take for me to feel safe again? What does he have to do to prove he's not cheating so I actually believe him? I know he's frustrated and feels like there's nothing he can do.

Sorry. Just rambling today.