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Newest Member: Maggie1000 (45722)

User Topic: Ups and Downs
WantinHappiness
♀ 40109
Member # 40109
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its only been about a month since I found out. Some days I'm fine,but others are horrible. Is it normal to have good days and extremely low ones? How do you get through these days?

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: wantinhappiness
brainless twit
♀ 12085
Member # 12085
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Since this is my second rodeo, I can tell you without a doubt that what you're feeling is normal. I'm going through it now for the second time. We have days when things are so normal and I'm actually happy, then days where I lose my mind.

If you're fortunate enough to have a spouse who is willing to remain calm and work through those days with you, I would just advise you to hang in there. It does get better. The bad days start to spread out a little and you WILL get some relief. I have no good advice for making it through the bad days because I need to know that myself! Will be watching this thread and I really hope things start to ease up for you soon.


"Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks." --Forrest Gump

D-Day 8/7/06
Divorced 12/14/09
R Began 5/21/11
D-Day #2 7/9/13 (OW #2 is OW #1's first cousin)
Limbo? I don't even know if that's what this is.


Posts: 1541 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Kentucky
PrincessPeach06
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes and the bad days seem the longest dont they? :(

I try and stay busy - run, housework, yard work, read, etc and that helps. Of course I spill out every feeling to WS in the evenings and that helps too.

We were told by the MC that as we go on the bad days will get less and less but it could take a very long time for that to happen.


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
sisoon
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kept on a downward spiral for at least 3 months. It's normal, and even if it's not, you can heal. Let your feelings flow - taking them in is the first step in letting them go.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10570 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
WantinHappiness
♀ 40109
Member # 40109
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank You all. I am trying to get through this low day (the rain isn't helping).I am going to go out and things to try to help.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: wantinhappiness
ohiocarrie535
♀ 39709
Member # 39709
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone is different. But I do housework with my favorite music up real loud ( 80's rock ) I do have to skip past some of the love ballads though. For the first 6 weeks or so after DDay everyday was bad. And I just wallowed in it. I spent a lot of time soaking in the bathtub crying and listening to break up songs.

Posts: 84 | Registered: Jun 2013
ccw82
♀ 40133
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I am afraid that you are experiencing perfectly normal emotions.

It is a roller coaster of highs and lows -- sad, scary moments and fleeting happier moments. Just yesterday I was ready to walk away from WH forever (the mind movies had taken over my soul! ), but today I am more hopeful and wanting more than ever to find it in my heart to forgive and reconcile with him! I am frantically searching the SI forums, posting, and responding to posts looking for answers myself (before the roller coaster dips again!), so please don't feel alone in this!!!

This is a traumatic event you are going through, and right now the best thing to do is make sure you take care of your health, your mind, and your heart. And know that we are here if you need to talk.


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
niaveone
♀ 40317
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been 8 mths since we've truely started to reconcile and I have to say I am still reeling from it. Today is my one year anniversary from finding out the first time, and I just wanted to punch WS in the face from the time I got up until the time I went to work. I still want to punch something! He's trying very, very hard, but still when he asked me what he could do for me I screamed "Turn back time! Can you do that??? No??? Nobody can, so NOBODY can help me today!"

Yup, today is not a good day for me either. :(


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 285 | Registered: Aug 2013
ccw82
♀ 40133
Member # 40133
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

niaveone,

"He's trying very, very hard, but still when he asked me what he could do for me I screamed "Turn back time! Can you do that??? No??? Nobody can, so NOBODY can help me today!"

I say that to WH quite often! It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I mean, how can the WS "fix" something that can't be undone???


Me: 31
WH (1DumbHusband): 35
Married 5 years, together 7 years.
D-Day: June 17th, 2013
TTs that came out as late as January 2014

"One is not tempted by that he does not want."


Posts: 136 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Dallas, TX
whattheh
♀ 40032
Member # 40032
Default  Posted: 6:00 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes it's normal. I'm at 7 months now and still having some low/bad hours in a day. They are getting farther apart and not as severe.

When I'm feeling this way I make myself share my feelings with my fWH. I also try to get some sun and take a walk or do something physical.

If I'm angry I do something to vent my anger like slam my bathroom door hard and repeatedly, yell into or punch a pillow. At first I destroyed things but got tired of cleaning up after myself. :)

This counteracts the cortisol that is being spread in our brains when we get the "fight or flight" response (it's good to either punch something (not spouse :)) or run.

My cat is very nurturing so holding her helps. Hugs and apologies from my fWH help a lot too.

Reading books with my fWH have helped him and me including: How to Forgive and After the Affair (both by Janice Abram Spring).

I'm an introvert so one thing that has really helped me is staying home more and spending quality time with my fWH. I'm totally cutting myself some slack and bowing out of social events that may cause me pressure.

[This message edited by whattheh at 7:13 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]


BW- mid 50's (me)
fWH-late 50's
M 33 T 35
DD-Early 2013 PA 2010
In R but I have PTSD...

Posts: 587 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Yakamishi
♂ 38230
Member # 38230
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup, roller coaster for sure. I found that the good days were unbelievably good. UN fortunately the bad days were of the same ferocity.

I did allot of walking and running. Talked to my doctor and got some anti depressants. (I truly believe they saved my life). I also got Adhd meds and that helped.

The books helped as well. Not just Friends, and After the Affair.

Still, its been 11 months and the roller coaster still goes on. The good news is the hills and Valleys aren't as deep


Me: BH
Her: WW Mrs.yaka
Kids:4
Variouse clues to EA. WW promised it would stop.
D-Day of EA 9/13/2012 2:01PM found 2 yrs of text messages, confessed to EA
D-Day of PA: confessed on 9/22/12 11:53 PM. Worst moment of my life

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Massachusetts
MsRukia
♀ 40219
Member # 40219
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep I am on the same roller coaster. It totally sucks. When I have a decent day or even some nice hours, I hang on to those for dear life. They help with the bad ways. I also listen to worship music and read scripture when I start to freak out. I am still early in, so my swings are bad. But I find that the scripture reading helps. I am also journaling a lot to cope as well.


BS (34)
WS MisterP (37)
Together 14 1/2 years
D Day 03 Aug 13 EA & PA
D Day #2 01 Sep 13 continued EA & PA with OW
Slowly but surely finding my way.

Posts: 172 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Colorado Springs
WantinHappiness
♀ 40109
Member # 40109
Default  Posted: 10:19 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You guys have helped me through today! I am so thankful I found this group.I would lose my mind without someone to talk to. I haven't told my friends or family because their judgment and opinion would make this harder.

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: wantinhappiness
Topic Posts: 13

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