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Message i just sent to my WH

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hobbeskat posted 8/17/2013 14:47 PM

I may still be a bit of a wreck, but I think I am close to forgiving you. Not forgetting, and not that we don't have making up and work to do. But I really no longer have any desire to punish you for anything. Even when hammered where I'm likely to be at my most emotional, I'm kind and loving about you when I wasnt previously. Because you have done and continue to do so much to help me feel loved and safe again and to earn my trust. So thank you for that. Sorry for texting, its because I'm going out and don't want to wake you up x

:)
And it's true.
Her, on the other hand, I will never forgive. But my raging hatred at her is fading.

LosferWords posted 8/17/2013 15:01 PM

Now that is a very nice text!

Her, on the other hand, I will never forgive.

I totally get this. I made a conscious decision to never forgive the OM, and once I made that decision, it helped me start to let go of the hate, and he started take up less real estate in my head.

hobbeskat posted 8/17/2013 15:04 PM

I think I need to do that. I will never get over the fact that when I turned to her for help when he walked out, she said he'd never cheat on me and even offered to move in with me to help me with the rent. Never.

doesitgetbetter posted 8/17/2013 17:28 PM

Word of caution, don't feel bad if you find later on that you aren't as close as you thought to forgiving him. I thought I actually had forgiven him at about 4 months out, told him so as well. Almost immediately I realized I hadn't and started panicking about it, so I took it back (that was such a sad day for both of us). It took a full 2 years after that to actually get to the point of forgiveness. I had to process all the phases of healing first, the acceptance, the grieving, etc. And that takes a while, it's a marathon, not a sprint. But enjoy the good days while they are here.

whattheh posted 8/17/2013 17:31 PM

what doesitgetbetter said...

we've learned forgiveness is a process and has stages too...

Check out the book "How Can I Forgive You" by Janice Abrams Spring.

My fWH and I are currently working thru geniune forgiveness.

[This message edited by whattheh at 5:31 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]

hobbeskat posted 8/17/2013 17:31 PM

His reply: You have been wonderful to me during this time, I wasn't able to deal with what I did initially and my inability to discuss anything must have made it even more difficult for you. I Love you and want us to survive this mess. It's beginning to feel better, more solid. I did notice you were hammered without messaging me upset, and I interpreted it as a promising sign. I adore you. You're a glorious human being. P.S. I drove the DLR xxx

ccw82 posted 8/17/2013 17:34 PM

I liked your disclaimer:

"Not forgetting, and not that we don't have making up and work to do."

It cautions him that tough times are likely still ahead, but that you're open to forgiveness.

rachelc posted 8/17/2013 19:03 PM

What a great text and wonderful response. You are lucky!!

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