Sorry for rambling, and if it sounds like I'm contradicting myself in this post, but my faith and trust have been all over the place since the A.
Initially after Dday I felt God actually carried me through the first 13 days. I fasted on water for God to bring my H back to his senses. He did, and I stopped the fast.
However, because of the initial A, others in our church abused our family, including our children. I have no desire to fellowship with anyone from that denomination anymore. At another church, I was told I was "in sin" because I was still very hurt and angry. I was advised to never speak about it again, which I refused, since that is not Biblical advice, but cultish advise.
People have let me down more than God has.
I quit trusting in God's interest in my well being. He allowed my Christian husband to cheat on me, while I was really seeking a deeper relationship with God.
Part of me is afraid to trust God, because I now know He really doesn't care about my day to day happiness: meaning he doesn't seem to mind letting my heart and potentially my family to get blown to pieces, if it is for some greater good which has not yet been revealed to me.
At first I thougth it was to help my WH face his own brokenness and finallly want to deal with his own issues. now that WH seems to be blocking out any personal issues and getting back to pre A attitudes, I am wondering if God just wanted to make me miserable, and destroy our family (if we get D.)
Only a few days ago, however, for the first time since the A, I asked God to become real to me and speak to me. The last couple of days I have heard from Him and feel more vulnerable to Him again.
God is a personal God. A WS can set up stumbling blocks for the BS to fall over. But ultimately, it is God who can pick up the BS, if she desires it and asks for His help.
God is still there, whether we ask for His help or not. Sometimes we don't like His tactics, but that doesn't change that He is ultimately in charge, if we let him be.
[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 1:32 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]