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That moment I saw his name pop up when I searched his phone number.

My world ended. And I can't get it out of my head. 11 months later and it still burns like nothing else on earth.

I know what you are going through, and I am sorry that we are both here.

My WH had an EA in 2007 when we were living together (before we were married). I recently discovered that since we married in 2009 he's also had numerous "fantasies" with random women online, signed up for dating and hookup websites, actually met a couple of women IRL from these websites, and on one occasion he even had sex with an escort he found on backpage. I can tell you that they all hurt the same. No one event hurts more/less than the other.

I don't know what to do to get the "burning" to stop myself. I'm trying, but it hurts like hell! What's worse is it's unpredictable...one minute I'm ok, two minutes later I want to deck him and stomp away forever.

Is your WS remorseful? NC?

I can totally relate to this..

In my case I also have episodes of jealous rage. But most times I'm okay now. I'm also a worrier and have anxiety so this just heightens that...

Is there anything you can think of that could be triggering your episodes?

This is the most difficult thing I've personally ever faced in my life...

Stunning.

My wh never called me this, I had always loved the word.

Stunning, it was an ice-cold bucket of water over my head.

Lauren, when I discovered my WH's first EA, it was "Hello, Sweetness. How are you and my princess doing today?" (referring to her and her daughter)...he's never ever called our daughter his "princess", nor has he used terms of affection with me other than his usual "baby" or the occasional "hey, beautiful" (when he's trying to be overly attentive on a particular occasion).

Ice cold bucket of water?...I'll say so.

I'll never forget what I read on her phone the night I found out.

The first email I read was about she loved giving him a BJ...I actually collapsed on the kitchen floor when I read that and cried.

Also read her telling him he had an amazing body. She never ever told me anything like that. Not even 29 years ago when we first met!

[This message edited by SecondHelping at 2:20 PM, August 18th (Sunday)]

Mine was a pocket dial while he was having sex with a prostitute. Well, actually it was the initial "hello" and then getting down to it. I listened for 11 minutes and 35 seconds while my daughter played with her friends on the beach.

Ten months later I still go cold when I think about that moment. And sitting there staring out to sea, knowing that it was over. Then the text to him asking if what I heard had an innocent explanation.

His response "no"

"So you have been unfaithful to me tonight"

"Yes. I am sorry".

Oh boy, it doesnt get any easier.

It fades. MCOW's significance is fading. Her place in my fWH's world is fading as we both realize she could have been anyone. At 11 months out, the sting is gone, but the hurt remains. Time, and hard work, heals.

I hope your WS is putting in the work.

(((Yakamishi)))

I'm 16 months out and I still replay those horrible discoveries over and over again! Wish I had advice, but I don't just wanted to let you know you're not alone!

"Horny, aren't ya?"

Burned into my fucking memory forever. Still makes me a bit nauseous. What followed reading that curious little text that popped up next to me was just as harrowing and gut wrenching, but that single text from him to my wife after she practically begged to meet for a third time... still too much to think about.

Everything that followed is now a blur of memories infused with every emotion possible. Yet I still recall all too pristinely how I felt at that moment. My stomach felt like it dropped out of me, my head started spinning, my heart began racing, and the tears started streaming from my face as I rushed into our bedroom for privacy and actually stumbled over the corner of our bed and fell into the dresser. I then sat there reading on through blurry eyes while I felt my heart breaking almost literally.

Worst moment of my life honestly.

I found out via the phone bill too and it still makes me sick any time I have to look at it.

"Horny, aren't ya?"
Burned into my fucking memory forever. Still makes me a bit nauseous.

It's strange how just a few words can hurt so badly. For me it's when he took the OW out and asked her "So, where does your husband think you are tonight"

Apple, i can't even imagine what that must have been like for you to sit there and listen to that.