He says I won't let him up off the mat
Visit the Investigative forum for ways to gather information on what he may be doing.
100 roses??!! for what?? what did she do that was so special that a wife of 21 yrs that washed his skivvies and raised HIS babies didn't? These adulterous assh*les really piss me off -
And that is your hunting camp too, tell the slut she is not allowed to go there or you will have her arrested. Are her kids adults? Let them know what their whore mother is up too.
[This message edited by shiloe at 7:36 PM, August 17th (Saturday)]
he is getting annoyed at my distrust. He is angry that I cant just move on and quit bringing the affair up.
You should start a search party for remorse, because it is not present here. I speak from personal experience. Oh wait... don't we all?
I say it is too soon to blindly accept his word. I need to see meaningful action.
Yup. Right you are. Even after you see meaningful action, you may never "blindly accept his word" ever again. One of those nasty side effects of an affair. Any kind of trust is likely to take months to years, and if he thinks this is the kind of thing you can just get over and move on from, he is quite mistaken.
17 days is too soon for much of anything. I second the 180.
::hugs:: and luck to you!
married 2y, together 2.5y
1 beautiful daughter, 23m
"Someday soon, I'm going to put my life together; Win or lose, I'm starting over again."
Either way, I would recommend a psychological battle of a post-nup. If I had the money it would be done now as a condition of marriage. How you go about getting it may be a battle of wits but could be the best chance you have.
Theres a poster I distinctly remember is not a regular user unfortunately but she divulged key things she did
1. Make it all about wh, I need IC so I can be a better wife... For you!
2. Got a degree/ up skilled .... So I can be a better wife.... For you!
3. Got cash out every time she went shopping.
If you want out, you CAN do it. Don't feel like this is the rest of your life. Stay because you want to. If you can't leave immediately that's okay,,if you need a while longer to decide that's okay too! Start implementing the above anyway.
You are obviously a strong woman. You CAN do this
Here is my advice:
1. Definitely implement the 180. This will help him to stay in reality and not the fantasy world. Do whatever you need to do to make sure he is held accountable for what he has done. I would confirm the OW is single- if she is dating or married- out her to her significant other. You may consider outing him to his family, a brother, or a close friend of his so he can't keep hiding his affair and own up to it.
2. See a counselor. Deciding to reconcile is a process. Then once the decision is made to reconcile- it takes a l lot work and TIME!!!!
3. Your children and your family intact is worth the effort- but YOU will be the one making the larger sacrifice and suffering the most. Your husband needs to get to a place where he understands this and loves you even more when he realizes what it is costing YOU to save your family.
LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS. PRAYING FOR YOU NOW!
*Winners never cheat and cheaters never win*
I would also suggest that you start on the 180, but please don't make it about him. This is for you. For you to get strong and gain perspective. You may see that you do have a way out of this. Please don't stay because of what you have to loose, stay because you want to. If you stay and have your kiddos grown up in a home where a M is totally dysfunctional, what do you think they will do? Aren't they worth a good example of what healthy strong woman is? Obviously you are strong, that's proven by giving up your career, and being a mom to 4 kids.
He is not being remorseful or doing anything to help your relationship, and as long as he doesn't have consequences he won't do anything to change the situation.
It's almost a guarantee he's gone deeper underground.
These guys just don't cut off all contact with these women - without batting an eye - and suddenly act like everything is right as rain.
Your husband is acting as though she's in the past and not to be even thought of - because he's lying through his teeth.
Be cautious, guard your heart, do your best to keep your eyes and ears open, and demand nothing less than complete respect.
And yes, please go to another lawyer.
Good luck to you.
Ask him why you should? If the tables were turned, would he?
My H used to have an attitude like this - I used to tell him "I NEED YOU TO HELP ME THROUGH THIS" and that didn't mean just me throwing a tantrum then he apologize then we're all done with this mess.
Sorry - it doesn't work that way. Implement the 180 - its not easy but try to stick to it. And if you fall off -just get back on-
Speaking only of my situation - when I would tell my H I needed his help - he honestly didn't know what to do - for starters, I used to tell him - stop contacting her - thats a beginning (we had lots of broken NCs; they worked together).
I'm sorry to say - it sounds like your H is not remorseful - sounds like he's agitated that he got caught and he wants things back to normal.
Your H doesn't sound remorseful, but like he was doing damage control. Giving you all his passwords and accounts...after he lied once already about breaking it off isn't a good sign. He has had time to open new accounts, and even get a secret phone you do not know about.
He doesn't realize that he will need to live with "Trust but verify" for the rest of his life, if you feel he is remorseful, won't do it again and if you decide to take the long road of R.
From reading here, I've come to realize that it is rare that there is ever blind trust after infidelity.
Are you willing to live with a man who lies and cheats, then lies and cheats again, only to blame you for not trusting him?
If he doesn't get some remorse and consistently offer up proof of his fidelity, your life is going to be miserable if you stay with him.
His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley
Love Busters by Willard Harley
(for husbands) Becoming the Ultimate Husband by Reb Bradley