I wasn't going to post this, but then I thought, what the hell. Might as well be honest and deal with it.
DH had an emotional affair about 3 years ago with a coworker. I found out, on my birthday, what was going on (via dirty texts) and we started counseling . Things got worse and I found out it wasn't just emotional but physical as well. Physical happened while in counseling for the emotional part.
We continued counseling and I made the decision to forgive and continue our marriage. He agreed to cut off all ties and not be friends with female coworkers outside of work.
I feel like I haven't really forgiven. If that's even the right word. Moved on? I'm still angry about what happened and it comes up at odd times. He's deployed now, but a disagreement about something little becomes "well, deal with it, I didn't cheat," type argument and I don't know how to move forward. I don't know how to fight fair after infertility happened.
I made the decision to forgive. But sometimes I question that decision. Or I guess I don't know how to move past the "you did this," "sooo...I can..."
I do love him. He's done everything I've asked to be comfortable in our marriage. He is a good dad. He's my best friend. He's trying. I feel like I'm not.
*I know asking for advice online leads to lots of opinions. I welcome all opinions, really I do. But please know it was difficult for me to open up about this. * I'm nervous for the judgement (maybe needed??) but still, scary..