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I finally have an order, signed by the judge.

From filing: 4 years, 3 months, and 3 weeks.

Signed on August 5th, and filed with the county clerk on August 9th, which ironically and coincidentally was the 39th anniversary of the wedding.

Basically, I lost big time. It's almost punitive, the judge's decision. Like maybe she thought I was the cheater, or something. Over half my assets, half my inheritance, and 4 more years of alimony. And back alimony for the year I was unemployed and not paying.

Can I just take this moment to say "Fuck the courts!"

The order says that by putting my then-wife's name on the deed to my farm, it was a gift of my inheritance.

So, basically, I gave her a really, really big gift, and she then decided to go out and fuck other men. And when I called her on it, the court decided to fuck me.

But I can finally say I have an ex, not an stbx.

I've known this for a few days, but I needed to settle down a bit before I posted it for all y'all. You can only imagine the language I would have used Wednesday...

Damn, TH. I'm sorry - that is such COMPLETE bullshit, I can't even form competent sentences to convey it.

May I be among the first to say, congratulations on finally getting the damn thing done, even if it sucks out loud.

Onward, friend. Onward.

I've been going thru it for over 3 years it was final in Feb. and now we have to go back to court again...
I have been using this language for a few years now all my friends and family were shocked and now they are saying it too and I laugh and say ya been hangin with me too long.
I even shot birds at the police officers standing in my front yard telling me if my WS wanted to bring the hoe into "our" home for a visit he could. I walked in the house shut the door and said who is that person that was just in my body???
Although I think my WS is possessed or like I told him reminds me of my fav movie Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
You go ahead and vent all ya want they do a lot of it on this site and it does make me feel better!
Good luck with the $ thing that is why we are going back to court again.
Should be a law if ya fuck your family over you don't get to keep or receive the $ all deals are off...Just sayin.

That hurts, but I'm glad it's over for you. I wish things had gone more your way.

Damn. I am sorry. I have some words I would like to use but I will practice restraint. This is horribly unfair. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry the system screwed you.

Sucks to be a record breaker.

What a bitter pill. You have my sympathy, and congrats on it being done.

If I never go to court again, it will be too soon.

I'm going on 10 months since filing, $12,000 in attorney fees, and I don't even have temporary orders yet regarding child support, visitation, or exclusive use of the home. Is that some kind of record?

[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 12:06 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]

Read your bio....now we should have a post What is the SI record for not dating after DDay.
I am over 3 years still wear wedding ring (my grandmothers mainly sentiment) and cannot even look at another person when I try I start comparing to him and I look away. Unfortunately that is the drawback for long term marriages and yours was even longer than mine ugh
They say in this site to really get over everything it takes half the time you were with that person god forbid I am not even half way there yet just shoot me now if it wasn't for my kids I would not see any need to deal with this daily shit he is and has put me thru
My family says one day I will be riding the karma bus but it keeps breaking down everytime I see it in the distance.
And the "longest divorce" thing when I had my appt last week with atty I asked him if I was there yet...he said nope not quite yet maybe I will get a trophy especially with all the $ I have had to fork out for my WS to be with the company Hoe-Hoe.
Just a funny note to cheer ya up my fav show use to be "Cheaters" I would laugh with my WS and say that is BS no wife is gonna beat the crap out of the OW like that that's not very lady like....well not my fav show anymore cannot watch andthen the hoe comes to "our" home and waved her finger in my face and said if I would have treated him better he would not be with her now...well I can say it wuld have been the best cheater's show to date (member my shooting birds at the cops statement)

It sucks what we lose but our win is we no longer are married to them. I'm so sorry for everything you lost but believe me (I also lost so much in the divorce) we are the winners. Our futures have honesty and intergrity but they will be most likely have more of their misery.
Congrats and now for some solid future plans to make.

Hugs
Gma

[This message edited by gma56 at 12:19 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]

Pragmatically, you really can't be upset about the inheritance thing because you invited that by putting your then-wife's name on the deed to the farm.

My dad died in the middle of this infidelity shitstorm....and I cannot even begin to describe the amount of brain damage that I've taken over the fact that anything I received from my dad was being put into a separate account with my name (only) on it and it was not going to be co-mingled in ANY way with marital business. At one point, stbx was declaring that HE was going to divorce ME if I deposited an 11K check from my father's estate into my own account. (end of story -- I deposited the check in my own account.......and *I* was the one that ended up filing for divorce).

You got screwed TH, because you are a good guy that tried to do the right thing and were taken advantage of. (which is why I am so cynical and pro-active about protecting assets)

The only good news about your situation is that it is finally over.
You are done with her now and can actually move on.

That sucks man. But you have to chalk it up to a hard lesson learned. My XWW also took me for 6 figures and while that stung a bit. I needed to let that shit go. Think of it as a bad investment. You take your lumps and get the hell out. On a positive not Alimony is tax deductible for you and income for her. Either way its money well spent as you now free from that woman. Best of luck on your NB.

Ah man - I can't imagine how much it sucks.

A bad investment for sure. Like some kind of whorebag Ponzi scheme - that's how I see the sad clown, anyway.

The only thing that would suck worse would be still in that M. That's the only part you'll remember once the sting of the financial fuckery abates.

This will be cold comfort for you TrusterHer, but I have a friend who's divorce took over 6 years to finalize and cost her 200K in legal fees.

Its been 10 years and she is still paying that debt.

But, as she says, she is free. As are you.

(((((trusted)))))))))))

Can you appeal the decision, or is there a chance SHE would be living on your family's farm?

She is living on the family farm homewrecked.

TH, I'm glad that part is finally done. I know the outcome sucks, but hopefully she will move away one day, you won't need to see her anymore, and the alimony will end. Start to look forward TH. I know you have much in your life to be thankful for. She's just a squished bug on the wall now.

((TH)) as grim as this is, there are such a much better life in front of you. You will get through this, and the rewards waiting for you will be extraordinary.

Most courts, the majority of the time, do not give a shit who cheated, who did what to whom. It is not their problem. Divorce is a *business transaction*. It sucks, emotions run high, but gently, taking the cheating out of it (like the judge did), there is nothing in your post that strikes me as unusual or unheard of. Like stronger said, it was a bad investment, but ultimately, it's done now. That's the most important part. Focus on looking ahead to a brighter future

(((TH)))

I totally feel your pain, but at least now you can breath the air as a free man!

If anything, your post should be a lesson to everyone about inheritances. My POS tried that tactic as well. In my state, any inheritance not uysed for the benefit of the marriage is excluded from the division of assets. When I presented POS with a detailed list of assets he quickly responded that I left off some very valuable items that I inherited that have never been used in any way to benefit the marriage. Once I educated him on how it works,he dropped it. This was a big lesson for me and I will never co-mingle inheritances (or any other finances) should I ever get in another relationship. These life lessons sure suck though!

Onward with your new, and better, life!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 1:52 PM, August 18th (Sunday)]

I'm so glad it's all over for you - finally!

Agreed that the courts suck.

Best wishes as you figure out what the next steps in your new beginning are. At least the ball and chain is no longer dragging you down. (((TH)))