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Newest Member: HellYeaimdone (45730)

User Topic: Home....help.
blindsided03
♀ 40302
Member # 40302
Default  Posted: 11:54 PM, August 17th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG. I just went out with my neighbors and it was so hard. I was okay at first, but it became really, really difficult to stay out and I ended up leaving at 10pm. I'm so lonely and I miss him so much that I don't even want to be strong anymore. I was so so so so so in love and i still am. just because he'll never change doesn't mean i can't wish it, right?? someone help me be strong! i'm dying to talk to him, to hold him, to have him in my arms. i miss the man i thought i loved. why did this have to happen to me? And why can't i cry unless people ask about it? I feel fine sitting at home, but i started crying in the cell phone store AND in the back of a taxi today. the cell guy wasn't too helpful, but the taxi felt so bad that he didn't make me pay. he said go buy yourself a beer somewhere instead. i wish i hadn't. i had two and now i'm buzzed. not in a feel-good way, but in a nauseous, upset, wish i could hold my stbxh in my arms kind of way. where is he tonight while i'm home missing him? where is he? doesnt he know that i love him? doesn't he know that i would have done anything to be with him? I said i didn't want R, but i was hoping he'd push more. I was halfway hoping he could change my mind. i feel so weak, but i can't help myself. i need him. he's been with me for so long that i can't bear the thought of being without him. all other men disgust me right now. i dont mean to be a bitch, but i am picking up like EVERY man i pass right now...where were these guys when my H found me "whatever?" i guess bc i dont want them, they like the confidence? I dont know, but i just want my XH. I'm tempted to sign up for a dating site just to get my mind off this, but i know i'm not ready. i know that i need to heal and deal with this pain. i know. but that doesnt make it any easier.


BW
M6m
Dday(2)8/13
D12/13...he's a sociopath.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
shiloe
♀ 1224
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blindsided03
Hi! Just stay on here and read if it helps. Please donít be messing around with any other guy right now. It wonít make what happened go away and you will feel worse in the long run. You are going through hell and you need to keep going thru it, to the other side . . . .and that is going to take a lot of time.
Let me tell you . . . . I gave my husband a second chance after the first affair with MOW co-worker/neighbor, he asked me too. I supported my husband for 3 yrs. then put him through nursing school (bachelor degree) and had 3 kids under 8 yrs. old. I was working full time. I was stupid and naÔve and I loved him with my whole heart and could not imagine being without him. Worked hard on R.
Yeah, he did it again, 7 yrs. later. I have learned a lot along the way. I wish I would have divorced him the first time.
Now at 53, I am starting over. Most men my age are looking for younger women.
You donít have kids yet. Please, unless he makes a COMPLETE TURN-AROUND, I think you really should consider D and moving on. Just my humble opinion from and experience woman who made the wrong choice to R when I should have walked away from a cheater, for what itís worth.

They usually donít change, you will be looking over your shoulder as long as you are with him.
I am sorry, try not to drink too much, you will feel worse when it wears off. Drink water or juice.
Take care.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 631 | Registered: Mar 2003
unarmbears
♀ 7480
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You still have to grieve the losses you have had. It's not easy, but really, any contact with your WS will only lead to new hurt, new crazymaking, new betrayals.

Do try to keep NC. Every day you will feel a little better. Sometimes it is 2 steps forward, 1 and 1/2 steps back. But that still puts you half a step ahead of where you were!

Let yourself feel the pain and give yourself time. You will be more up to going out with friends later. Right now you need to go through your grieving process.


FBS-Me, 61
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 26 and 31
2 Daughters 29, 25 And 4 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4892 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
CM86
♀ 40331
Member # 40331
Default  Posted: 5:26 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I know the pain. Just wish we were worth a fight. You are worth a fight to somebody, know that. He's not fighting now, but that day when you are with that person who would fight for you tooth and nail to the end of the earth, he will regret it. He will look back and know you were the one that got away. He will be miserable.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Missouri
Chrysalis123
♀ 27148
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me tell you . . . . I gave my husband a second chance after the first affair with MOW co-worker/neighbor, he asked me too. I supported my husband for 3 yrs. then put him through nursing school (bachelor degree) and had 3 kids under 8 yrs. old. I was working full time. I was stupid and naÔve and I loved him with my whole heart and could not imagine being without him. Worked hard on R.
Yeah, he did it again, 7 yrs. later. I have learned a lot along the way. I wish I would have divorced him the first time.
Now at 53, I am starting over. Most men my age are looking for younger women.

ThIs!!!! I too am 53, and I REGRET that I did not leave the first time. All the signs were there that he was extremely broken and unable to have a mature healthy relationship.

The real problem, I should have concerned myself with, was within me. I needed to work on healing my inner self to give me the strength and confidence to do the right thing for my kids and me. Instead I prolonged the agony.

I am so sorry you are hurting so badly. I know this isn't too helpful, but you won't be feeling like this forever.....it's true that time does help.

You are so young, and I am really happy you found us. There is so much wisdom here. Please stay and read and build up yourself through the site. Post as much as you wish.

You are not alone any longer and we have your back.

((((blindsided03)))))

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 7:38 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2774 | Registered: Jan 2010
k9lover1
♀ 8531
Member # 8531
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You said he was looking up transexuals - do you think this will go away? Instead of thinking about how much you love him, just focus on what he has done, and if I understand correctly, this isn't his first time cheating.

You don't want a life of checking his computer and cell phone. You want someone that will love and respect you. When he is browsing transexuals, is he respecting you?

It's hard, but you can do this and you will come out the other side and be stronger for it.

Time - it can be your friend.


D-Day was 10/9/05
He promised NC. He lied. After 4 chances, I kicked him out 1/05/06.
Since then I have survived cancer surgery and a heart attack.
Now he's sorry, but it's too late.

Posts: 8115 | Registered: Oct 2005 | From: Wisconsin
blindsided03
♀ 40302
Member # 40302
Default  Posted: 2:11 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, thank you guys so much for all of the support. I've been sitting here feeling bad again, but I know it's a good thing. Like you all said, it's not the first time and there's no reason for me to expect it to be the last.


My thoughts are that either way, I have to hurt right now. I can either guarantee this will be the last time, or I can live in fear of the next time.


I think you guys are amazing and thank you so so so so so so so much. I really needed all of this encouragement. You're all right that he's not going to change or ever be capable of being a good man and a good husband. I was weak and sent him an email saying, "I miss you. I miss my best friend." And he sent one back saying, "I miss you, too, but you're going to go through with this divorce. You already have the papers and there's nothing I can do about it." He's still blaming me for being the reason we aren't together...as if I would have filed for divorce if he hadn't been cheating on me. LOL. What a loser. I'm lucky that mine is such a jerk, because when I'm feeling weak, he does a great job of reminding me why this is never going to work out. He's never going to take responsibility for anything else, either. I really, really don't want him around. NC seems like the best option. I've had him gone now for exactly a week now. Everyone thinks I should be really upset, but the truth is that I started to pull back a long time ago. I stopped wanting to be awake; I would wake up at 6 am, he'd sleep til 1pm, and then i'd count down the hours until it was dark and i could go to sleep. Crazy, right? Sounds like the ideal life of a 26yr old...hating every day.

Shiloe, i'm so sorry for what you're going through. I've been through this twice with this loser, too, and I got chlamydia the first time around. I had like a lapse in mental capacities or something. I was dating the most amazing guy when I left him to go back to mr. std. I can't believe it. I kick myself for that all of the time lol. He was a med student, student body president, played guitar and piano, sang, was athletic, didn't smoke or drink, spoke three languages, and was genuinely just a really nice person. I left that guy for a guy who cheated on me twice, gave me the clap, treated me like crap, smashed a hamburger into my face even though I've been a vegetarian since I was four, screamed at me, berated me, threatened me, said things like, "You're so alone. you have no family," and then went out with TSes, cougars, and CL hookers. Jesus. Someday, we're all going to look back and feel relief. We're not going to be sad anymore and we're going to be happy with our lives again. This place is amazing, but you're right again--I never wanted to be here. I found it after my first fiance cheated on me. He went to Berlin "with his brother" but forgot to throw away the other half of the condoms...and she put the photos on facebook. I really pick winners. LOL. looking forward to my divorce.


BW
M6m
Dday(2)8/13
D12/13...he's a sociopath.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
shiloe
♀ 1224
Member # 1224
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've been through this twice with this loser, too, and I
got chlamydia the first time around
smashed a hamburger into my face

Seriously?? . . . . Oh hell no!
Stay NC. 180. You are young, you donít need this crap. Walk away.


But remember, good love is hard to find . . -Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
BS - 54
Cheater -54
Married 26 yrs
DD - 21 DD -19 DS-17
A#1 2000 with married ho-worker/neighbor ow#1
A#2 2007-? OW#2 LTA with yet another married ho-worker. Kicked h

Posts: 631 | Registered: Mar 2003
blindsided03
♀ 40302
Member # 40302
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 26th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LOL thanks, Shiloe. He's insane. I know. I hate the guy, but at the same time, I miss having company. It's frustrating because he had me so isolated that I don't know anyone anymore. It's nice that a few of my friends missed me and wanted to talk, but a lot of them are guys and prob are more interested in eventually getting in my pants (or wanting to). I miss feeling normal and thinking that I meant something to someone. I know, in hindsight, I didn't, but at the same time, it's really, really irksome. I miss the confidence that came with being married. I wish this wasn't an issue. I wish i hadn't gotten this stupid wedding ring tattoo.


BW
M6m
Dday(2)8/13
D12/13...he's a sociopath.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: Hell
Topic Posts: 9

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