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Newest Member: Phoenix2rise (45723)

User Topic: Rem sleep not happening?
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I haven't been sleeping well...think that is pretty common. I take sleeping pills and that helps.

I just heard a special on sleep...and it talks about sleep as a way our minds defrag like we do to our computers hard drives.

It mentioned that about 3-4 hours into sleep we hit REM sleep...a 1-3 minute period where eyes flutter and deep brain nerve repair is happening. The previous 3 hours is time for your body to repair (muscle, organ, non-brain nerve damage that happened the day before).

This cycle repeats every 3-4 hours...which is why 7-8 hours of sleep is recommended...2 full cycles do a body good!

All of this is pretty common stuff...most of us know already.

But this commentary has got me thinking...

I, like some BS, have nightmares regularly. Since hearing about this cycle I have paid attention to my cycle.

I wake about 3-3.5 hours into my sleep because of a nightmare. This is pretty much my norm. I am wondering if I am processing or am stagnating. Wondering if my mind starts to defrag and hits the memory of the affair like a virus and reboots..waking me up...as if to say....Danger, don't let that virus infect critical parts of me.

Thoughts?


Kind of a meaningless post...not like my wife is cheating again or any new trauma or experience is being had.


ON a side note...I have not had regular sleep for years. Never thought it was affecting me as I was doing well with my career and my family seemed to be doing fine. now, like other aspects of my life, I am reconsidering what I was doing and the other affects it might have had on my world.

Yeah...I cried in bed, my wife was alert and held me...kind of nice but kind of embarrassing. still must have pride and ego at levels that are not healthy inside me.

God be with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:05 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best thing my medical doctor did for me was give me an adrenal supplement. What happens when you have so many nightmares is that your body is constantly in hyper mode....it completely depletes your adrenalin supply because your body can't make enough of it to keep up.

The supplement was a natural pill, can be found in any health store. Mine was called Adrenal plus.

After just 2 pills (you take them once a day) I felt like a new person. I started getting much better sleep and woke up feeling rested. I don't know if this will help but it sure did for me.

On a side bar, if you haven't told your dr about your affair I recommend you do so. Mine was extremely thankful that I did because it let him understand that what I was going through was far worse then just normal depression. He was a wealth of info about a lot of different things, not just medicinal things but breathing, sleeping ,etc.

T

[This message edited by TxsT at 7:30 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(TxsT) You are a new-to-me member but have quickly liked and related to your posts. I will look into this natural supplement. I probably should make an appointment with my doctor and explain what I am going through...thanks for the suggestion.

I am so tired lately...by 9 pm I am wiped out. Was like that pre-A too, but this is now our time to connect...kids are in bed and I need to be more alert and engaged then I am. I now see this as a problem for us pre-A....and that is a part of our issues that is on my shoulders. So time to fix it!

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:52 AM, August 18th (Sunday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
brokensmile322
♀ 35758
Member # 35758
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a shot in the dark...

Are you exercising? I started running and once I did, my sleep came back to me.

I cannot tell you how good I felt mentally. I exercised before during post A, never on a regular schedule and not as rigorous.

It really was a light bulb moment for me. It was like a big sigh of relief.

If you are exercising, well then, I got nothing. Lol!


Me BS 42 Him WS 44
OW Coworker DDay April 7, 2012
EA on a slippery slope...

When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~Viktor Frankl

"When you are happy, you can forgive a great deal."


Posts: 1595 | Registered: Jun 2012
sodamnlost
♀ 37190
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always had sleep issues, dday made them grab my attention yet again. While I am much better sleep wise, the big thing that helped me was Melatonin supplement. Standard sleep aids like ambien don't work on me and I can't take the heavy stuff (I tend to get addicted). So anyways - this stuff really helped me. Some say it causes nightmares but I didn't notice a change in mine when I started taking it.

Functioning is rough when the sleep is messed up :-(


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 769 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brokensmile322...good insight. I had been exercising regularly and that did help. Will start again. Thanks.

Sodamnlost....I don't take heavy pills either...for the same reason. Will look into adrenal supplements though.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you. I am an insomniac plus I have leg tremors from my fibromyalgia. I take two drugs to allow me to get to sleep and then to stay sleeping every night.

For the first 3-4 months after DDay, I walked around in a fibro-fog every day. I could not sleep. No matter the dosage, no matter how I took the drugs, no matter the sleep routine I spent most of every night walking around and around the house like a zombie, every so often stopping by the couch or a chair to snooze a bit, and then endless walking again. I finally graduated to being able to stay in bed most nights, but would wake up constantly.

I finally realized that my body was waking me up, when I would start to dream, in terror of what the dreams would be. Until about 3 years after I married my FWH, I had horrific nightmares multiple nights a week. He finally soothed me enough, in my sleep, that I stopped having them. Only to have them re-start after DDay. My MC told me/us that if and when I started feeling safe in the bedroom again, I would probably taper off of them again, and it was true.

But until that happened, I was the walking dead. Thank God that this was a summer that my boss was mostly out of town pursuing her Doctorate and everything was pretty much canned, because if I had had to do any original thinking, I would not have been able to.

PS, I'm sleeping just fine now.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5096 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
painpaingoaway
♀ 27196
Member # 27196
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blake, have you had a sleep study done? Do you snore?

You really should discuss this with your doc. You could have sleep apnea, and that could be the explanation for feeling so tired.

Sleep apnea is pretty common. I know most people think it is a problem only with overweight people, but my brother, who is is great shape, was just recently diagnosed with sleep apnea.


me BS female 56/him WS 59
Married 33 years
D-day July 09/he gave me his slut's STD
Watch my movie: "My wayward husband's adventures in STD land":
Episode 1: youtu.be/9Jv0-d_CdYc
Episode 2: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Tz822H82Gk

Posts: 7135 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Coastal South
cantaccept
♀ 37451
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

blakesteele,

I have the nightly nightmares also. Thanks for posting this, I too am going to look into that supplement.

I wake at least 4 times a night from nightmares and I am up usually by 4:30am so definitely not enough sleep.

I find if I take an anti-anxiety pill I sleep better but feel like crap in the morning. Also they are addictive so I only take them when I am absolutely desperate and h is being an ass.

I am also going to try meditation before bed. I will let you know if it helps.

It is hard enough getting through triggers throughout the day without the subconscious taking over at night.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divorced!


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
purplejacket4
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It takes a couple of hours to get into REM sleep at first but the longer you sleep the more quickly you cycle into REM and the longer you stay there .


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2300 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Blake....thank you for your kind comments I didn't know about this site until recently so that's why I am new.

I really think your doctor will not only be helpful but they are also a private and confidential help. They can't say anything to anyone else.

The adrenal supplement helped my energy level as well. It was simply amazing hoe much better I felt .

T


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
joeboo
♂ 31089
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting thread. Also appreciate the comment about the adrenal supplement from TxsT.

I had terrible nightmares for a while. Seems like it was from about month 3 thru 9 post d-day. Once I checked out due to TT and and other shitty behaviors, I actually stopped dreaming all together. Or at least I didn't remember any but a few and started waking up about 3am every night. So like Pain recommended, I went to have a sleep study and found out that I was no longer reaching sleep stages 3 and 4, and I stopped breathing about every 5 minutes.

I have yet to tell my dr about the stresses the A's have put on me, but the pulmonologist was able to tell me to rid myself of life's stresses as if he knew there was an underlying cause. Not sure how to do that whether M or D, but I need to try. I am guessing that exercise would be a great addition to the recovery.

The physiological implications of A's can be incredibly significant. Take care of yourself.


Posts: 1214 | Registered: Feb 2011
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

painpaingoaway...I occasionally snore but then I roll over and it stops...so I don't think I am a regular snorer. I am not sure if my insurance covers sleep tests...but will look into it. Thank you for the suggestion. My Dad has sleep apnea...but he is really overweight...but maybe this is genetic more then weight?


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
joeboo
♂ 31089
Member # 31089
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe this is genetic more then weight?
Weight can play a roll in sleep apnea, but there are two different types of apneas. One is obstructive, the other is central. I have central sleep apnea that has been given no cause other than stress.


Posts: 1214 | Registered: Feb 2011
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, August 18th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

joeboo...Sorry to hear you have sleep apnea and that it can be caused by stress...but thanks for sharing. I will look into this.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Scubachick
♀ 39906
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have this really cool sleep clock called Zeo and you wear a headband with sensors on it to sleep. It sends signals to clock and keeps track of your sleep cycles. Tells you how long you were in rem sleep etc. and how many times you wake up in the night. It's very interesting.

Posts: 787 | Registered: Jul 2013
silverhopes
♀ 32753
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't know if this is true or not, but I heard somewhere that between 10PM and 2AM are the most important hours to be asleep. Something about sleep being more regenerative during that times.

I'm having trouble too. Nightmares and overall depression, and that makes it hard to get motivated sometimes. I'm thinking: a consistent daily schedule (of waking activities as well as the same sleeping hours each day), exercise, and doing something either relaxing or mentally exhausting before bedtime might help.

Or maybe talking about the nightmares. Sometimes talking about them can help, right? Figuring out what's upsetting you. Finding small points of resolution (not everything, but small steps) during the waking hours, so it's easier to fall asleep having obtained a small measure of peace. I know... easier said than done. Good luck to everyone here on the thread.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3920 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the Zeo suggestion...if it works it the data could be very useful.

Exercise and being in nature has proven to help me...just need to make it a priority so that neither get neglected.

Thanks for the support.

Go


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
blakesteele
♂ 38044
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the Zeo suggestion...if it works it the data could be very useful.

Exercise and being in nature has proven to help me...just need to make it a priority so that neither get neglected.

Thanks for the support.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 5:12 AM, August 19th (Monday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
Topic Posts: 19

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