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I thought it couldn't get more painful...I was wrong. I'm still dealing with the fallout from his last actions and last night he seemed to be in a horrible mood. I'd gone out all night with my BFF and was feeling good. I had a convo with him about his mood and confronted him with a lot of things not about our relationship but about himself. He cried and I fucking held him, then he says it out loud, the words that made me let go of him and back myself against the wall: "I don't want to cause you more pain with what I'm going to say."

Well ladies and gents turns out the woman I posted about him seeing in my last post...yes I had a totally valid reason to want her out of his life when she confessed her love. Why you ask? Well because he just realized he was in love with her too. It could not have been more painful if he had taken a knife and stabbed me...hell I might have preferred it. Ever hear something and suddenly it all clicks? 10 years of a relationship, at least 5 of those wanting to be married and 3 waning kids and he was always stalling. Well of course he was because for the past 7 years he has regretted kicking her out of his life. A regret that stems from the fact that he was in love with her. When we began our relationship we were friends with benefits but I quickly fell for him and asked him to be official, he turned me down although eventually we obviously got together. But of course he turned me down he wanted our friend...had to keep those options open...I feel like I was his 10 year consolation prize. I asked if he still loved her and he tells me as a friend...I scoffed. I asked him if he wishes he'd chosen her...silence and then he says no. I told him I don't believe him. I asked if he was going to try to keep her in his life and he tells me no because she's in a relationship and rekindling old friendships can be bad for a relationship. I asked him if she was single would he he continue and he says maybe. I asked if he saw the double standard and that he was treating this woman he hasn't seen in 7 years better then the one he supposedly wants to be with? Then I cried, I cried until I fell asleep and when I woke up I cried some more. I wanted to take a Percocet because they knock me out but because I wasn't in pain he took the bottle from me thinking I was trying to OD. I got pissed and threw the pills in the toilet to prove that wasn't my intention...that was stupid what if my back pain comes back? I'm sorry if I sound a little confused I feel like as strong as I thought I was I was wrong and I'm breaking mentally. Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry sweetie.

(((Unagie))))

(((((Unagie)))))

I'm so sorry. Please keep leaning on us. Sending you strength.

((((((Unagie))))))

((((Unagie)))))))

Hugs

Oh hun!!

I keep hoping to hear better news from you. I'm so sorry

Big ::hugs:: for you.

I'm so sorry.

(((Unagie)))

Are you super sure he is really saying this because he really felt this way all along. People tend to rewrite history all the time he may have convinced himself that he felt that way about her because of what you did- the A. But in reality he only thinks he loves her because he may think that if he was with her he would not have been cheated on. He may have actually loved you. He sounds so confused and inconsistent to me. He wants to work things out but he pursues her after finding out about A. I am convinced that he does not feel that way and he is just rewriting history to make himself feel better about his own actions. To say, "well I never loved you anyways, I always loved her," if he really did love her he would have been with her. He would have left you a long time ago, and he would have left you as soon as he had an excuse to. And just because a guy doesn't want kids does not mean he don't love you, trust me that point hits right at home with me, I found that out for myself. Some people just don't want kids at a certain period, if at all, in their life.

(((((Unagie)))))

How are you doing today,honey?