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Still hating him.

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Strongmama posted 8/18/2013 16:32 PM

Our D has been final for 8 months now; although it was almost two years in the process. Most days are fine. I work, and I'm busy with three great kids and all of their activities.
Somedays- today I just think what a gd pos father these kids have! He's never around, and when he is it's all about him. Either dropping him at his Mom's house; gf's house. Never anything with them or about them. It's always about him, and that little dick of his. Even on their 1st day of school he was leaving the country for a few weeks (wish forever!) and they get a text while waiting for the said he finally got to his destination. Nothing like Good luck on your first day of school! Have fun! Nope. It's always about him. Always. I swear I just wish he'd die or never come back or get so involved in one of his ftarted gf's life's that he would permanently stay the F away. He adds nothing to our lives. The kids never call him or text him. At first I encouraged them to, and would tell them to call their dad blah blah blah...they show zero interest in him as he shows zero to them. What a piece of shit these awesome kids have for a dad. Yuck!
I just fucking hate him some days. Sick sick self centered immature bastard! Thanks for letting me vent here!

SBB posted 8/18/2013 16:47 PM

Vent away mamma.

I'm now used to what he did to me, what he tries to do now. Detaching makes that part a cake walk compared to last year.

But I don't think I'll ever get used to the shit he pulls on my amazing girls. Ever. Looking back I'm not surprised he fucked me over but I am still shocked at how he fucks them over. I have 50/50 so he is present. About as present as an MLC, drunkard, 'recreational' drug taking crack whore, self-absorbed, fucked up POS can be.

XMIL said something quite prophetic to me years ago about her own deadbead dad X's. "You never know what kind of father they'll be until its too late".

I'm finding my anger has turned inward and I'm angry at myself for choosing so poorly for them.

It is true that they only need one good parent but damn it would be nice if they had two.

((Strongmama & Kids))

Strongmama posted 8/18/2013 17:09 PM

StrongButBroken I'm sorry you too have that crap to deal with. That's one thing I get angry at myself about also! How could I have picked such a shitty dad for them, and then proceed to have three with him?! He did some serious bad parenting during the divorce, and I will NEVER forgive; forget; even accept the things he put them through! I've accepted his sleazy cheating horrible behavior towards me. I've dealt with that, and know he's a fucked up broken soul.
I'm pretty sure even when I'm very old I'll hate him to the core for the things he's put these kids through.
Your xmil was right; although I do wish I hadn't ignored so many many red flags. Maybe it's that I'll never forgive myself for my kids having to have him in their life; you know whenever it's convenient for him....
F'ing dirt bags do not deserve these sweet kids they try so hard to damage! Thanks for listening bc I do not talk bad about the ftarted loser in front of the kids; ever. I'm thankful to have SI to read and vent on or I might have lost it by now!

peridot posted 8/18/2013 17:39 PM

My XH was a shitty husband and father. When we first got together I thought he was great. Everything changed when I got pregnant. Guess he thought he had me where he wanted me. So he started showing his true colors. I didn't realize just how horrible of a person he was until he walked out. I'm sure some of that had to do with me taking off the rose colored glasses.

Recently, I thought about something my XMIL told me when I was pregnant with my son. She told me to make sure I put my XH on the birth certificate. We weren't married at that time and he had to sign a form saying my son was his.

Back then she had a friend who had to go to court to get a paternity test for her child because she hadn't put the child's father on the birth certificate and she had to get proof of paternity before the state would go after CS.

She said that was her reasoning for telling me that. She said she hoped she had raised her son better than that but you never know. She didn't want me going through what her friend had.

I always thought she was really just protecting my XH and his rights to my son. I still think that's the real reason but maybe she could see back then how irresponsible he was.

If you look back at your marriage, how he was as a husband and a father, I bet you can see that's how he's always been you just ignored it or didn't realize.

SBB posted 8/18/2013 22:37 PM

I say this to myself as much as to you. Don't get stuck in this place too long. Absolutely vent about it but try not to let it eat you up. The mantra I use: "Holding on to hatred is like taking the poison and waiting for the other person to die."

I'll never stop hating it but I do hope to reach acceptance so I can pour that energy into being the one great parent my girls so richly deserve.

My 5 year old was upset again last night. She told me she hates it that she can't have both of us all of the time. I acknowledged her feeligs and we talked about it for a while. I reinforced my love and soothed her until she was spent - then I wept.

It was the first time I've just cried at the situation and over her hurt rather than hating him and hating myself for choosing so poorly. It doesn't hurt any less but it does feel like progress in the right direction.

tesla posted 8/19/2013 06:53 AM

Hey mama, I hear ya. Ex-shat is just like that. Picks teslet up EOW but then leaves him with stripper whore while he works and sleeps. No contact inbetween visits.

If that is the way he is going to parent, Teslet would be better off if his father fell off the face of the Earth. That story is a lot more interesting to tell than 'my dad is a pos.'

Strongmama posted 8/19/2013 08:22 AM

Thanks for listening! I'm not so full of hate today thank goodness! Don't get me wrong; I hate him and wish he'd take a dirt nap, but other than that I'm great! Lol. All the kids are in school and I have a quiet moment before work! Yay!
I'm not even sure if it's so much as hate or just plain exhaustion and disappointment that I would have never thought I'd be raising 3 kids on my own; now he does pay cs and my MUCH DESERVED alimony...although after doing the math it's all going to my lawyer bc of the bs he pulled through the worlds most ridiculous and insane divorce ever in the history of the world.
Okay; I hate him who am I kidding!

Housefulloflove posted 8/19/2013 10:07 AM

I understand how you feel. It's bad enough that they are walking piles of shit but for them to keep living and breathing and taking opportunities to inflict more damage on their children is awful.

Sometimes (and by that I mean daily ) I think about how the best gift he could give his kids would be to drop dead. Everything he does with them is half-assed and they are becoming more aware of how he is a poor excuse for a human being who they cannot count on. As they get older that's only going to affect them more. The biggest problem is that he thinks he is perfect and doing what he should be doing and no one can tell him otherwise. So when the kids are disappointed and come to me with their issues with him, going to him does nothing. Whatever he is doing is just fine because it's coming from him and that alone makes it perfect! I'm wrong, the kids are wrong, the whole world is wrong if necessary if they disagree. Idiot.

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