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How Am I the Bad Guy?

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DaysOfMyLife posted 8/18/2013 19:11 PM

Sorry if this turns into a novel! The short version is that I have been raising my stepson since he was 4 and he is now almost 16. His bio-mom is not in the picture. I love him as much as I love my bio-daughter. When WH told him that we were splitting up he told him that he had met someone else. I had no intention of telling SS this. We had our first court date on the 14th for an interim order and the judge said 50/50 custody of both kids for a week at a time. WH didn't want me to have any rights to SS at all. WH sent SS to a different province soon after DDay without telling me the plans until after WH parents bought the very expensive plane tickets. While SS was there for 20 days, he became angry with me and would not return any type of communication. He arrived home two nights ago and will not communicate with me at all. The visitation schedule started tonight so WH came to pick-up DD and SS was in the car. He turned his back on me and would not look in my direction. WH had this grin on his face that was so hard to tolerate. I told him that turning SS against me would come back to bite him in the ass. I didn't cheat! I didn't break up this family! I am the one who drives SS and his friends places. I am the one who does all of the things for school. I am the one who brings him to his activities. I ask about his life and am truly interested. Our relationship was good. SS bought condoms for the first time on DDay and he came home to tell me that he didn't want to have sex with his girlfriend yet but he didn't want to get caught in a situation where he made a stupid choice and had unprotected sex. How many 15 year old boys have those conversations with their moms? I was so proud that he came to talk to me and we talked about it some more. He is a great kid. My heart is broken that he is angry with me. I have no clue what WH or his parents have told SS. I sent an email to WH's parents describing what had been going on in our marriage throughout the years. Some of it they knew and some they didn't. I am afraid that they have read or shown this email to SS. I said how WH had raped me at one point. It would explain why SS is angry because he wouldn't want to believe that about his father and would want to think I was lying. Unfortunately, it is the truth. Our marriage had a lot of ups and downs. WH has depression and because I meant my marriage vows I liked to use his "sickness" as an excuse for treating me bad. I don't really know what I am looking for, maybe someone who has had a child turn against them and any advice to go along with that.

hurtbs posted 8/18/2013 19:16 PM

I am so sorry... Your story is so sad. I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't.... Just hugs

DaysOfMyLife posted 8/18/2013 21:15 PM

Thanks for the hugs Hurt! I can only have virtual ones right now because real ones make me cry! I wouldn't want you to read my whole story because that is much sadder than the short version. People actually look at me and say "really?" every time I tell them. I guess it's a little bit of a blessing because it forces me to keep moving forward, WH has done so much damage there is no way I would go back!

Bloomsday posted 8/18/2013 21:36 PM


I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Unfortunately, I had to "walk away" from my SD when XWW and I divorced. Same years almost: 3 - 15yo. We had a very good relationship apart from the normal teenage girl angst. I realized that I was fighting a losing battle and SD would pay the price if I tried to win at all costs. XWW and her family filled SD's head with all sorts of untruths and they had the inside track. I hope you fare better with SS.

SD is now 23 and a psychology grad student. I hope she chooses to re-engage with me when she feels comfortable doing so.

brokenandconfuse posted 8/19/2013 15:18 PM

I am sorry that you are going through this. My H has turned my SD against me also. She is 18yo and I have had her since she was 3yo.

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