Along with doing the bare minimum to R, what has he done to heal himself, to get to the root of why he allowed himself to make the horrible choices he made?
If he's not doing the work, and not figuring it out, then you probably have a sense of unease, not knowing if and when it will happen again. For me this was an essential part of R. I had to have proof he got it, and fixed it so that I could feel safe again.
The fact that he has these crappy coping mechanisms (smoking dope, and xbox) and feels that your concerns aren't valid also is not good. It's disrespectful.
Might be time to lay down some new requirements for R. If you are unhappy, and adultery has been involved, and he isn't doing the work, then why is D a bad option? As a fellow Christian, this is the one instance that D is acceptable. If God says it's ok why aren't you ok with it?
Life is short, and can be ripped away in an instant. I strongly recommend doing what you need to, to be happy and fufilled.