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Tripletrouble posted 8/18/2013 21:47 PM

So ladies, how many of you are believers in girl code? Meaning you just don't mess around with another woman's man. I have always followed the code, except briefly once in college - and I felt like a total POS. I don't get the complete disregard some women feel towards hurting other women!! I am sure there is a mentality that if she can't keep her man then that is her problem. Truly the betrayal is squarely on the shoulders of the cheating husband, but come on ladies!! No cheating on your community of sisters! Not cool! We all know the type - she prowls into the room thinking " lock up your husbands". Because she takes extra pride in snagging the challange of a married or committed man.

I am guessing there is a male equivalent. A bro code?

I can't stand these people. I think some very harsh thoughts about APs who will gladly go along with crushing spirits and tearing apart families

As for me, I'm all about girl code. Sisters, you have my loyalty.

Bloomsday posted 8/18/2013 21:58 PM

My XWW is a very strong feminist that supports women's political and social rights at every turn. She wanted the world to be more fair for her daughter than it had been to her mother's generation of women. But when it came to cheating and having sex with another woman's husband, that apparently was ok with her. She wrecked 2 homes. The OM had a wife and 4 kids who lost a husband, dad, home, and way of life in the process. My XWW never saw the conflict between being pro-feminist and yet adulterous. I think she considered herself above the girl-code, but was quite mistaken.

painpaingoaway posted 8/18/2013 22:32 PM

I always believed there was a 'girl code'. Boy was I ever stupid.

I have always been fiercely loyal to my friends, never once ever entertaining the thought of accepting the advances of their husbands or boyfriends, (and quite a few have come on to me over the years). I would quickly and harshly set those assholes straight, but now wish I had told their wives about their H's advances.

One situation that has always bothered me, even this many years later is this:
A roommate that lived with me in my early 20's had a boyfriend that actually cornered me, pushed me up against a wall, and was all over me. I pushed him off and read him the riot act, and he kept on badgering me, telling me that she would never know, and my boyfriend would never know, and I was actually dumbstruck with his words of betrayal. I told him he was nuts, that I would never betray my boyfriend, or my roommate, and to get the fuck away from me. He actually looked at me like I was crazy. I'll never forget it, he was so insistent.

Well, a few years later, she married someone else, and then divorced after a few more years. Then she began a long-term A with her boss. The guy was in construction, and he actually built a house for her, at little to no cost to her. She hung out with his family, fooling the wife for years. I knew about it, told her I didn't approve, but I never even considered outing the A to the wife at the time. Looking back, I certainly wish I had. After several years, I slowly backed away from the friendship.

The irony of it all was that I had been so fiercely loyal to her when her boyfriend was coming on to me years before, yet she clearly had no qualms about screwing another woman's H for years.
Disgusting to me. If there is a girl club, I think I must be the only member.

silverhopes posted 8/18/2013 23:12 PM

Yes. I believe in the Girl Code - or rather, in the Fidelity Code in general. I don't expect other people to follow it necessarily, after seeing some folks make poor choices in my own family ...I don't take other people's boundaries for granted anymore. But as for how to act around other people, whether in relationships or not but ESPECIALLY in relationships... If I know a married couple, even if I was friends with the guy first, I'm making it a point to mostly if not only talk to the girl. It feels more respectful that way.

RidingHealingRd posted 8/18/2013 23:24 PM

I never termed it "girl code" ~ for me I termed it: right vs wrong.

When presented with the choice to cheat with a married man, without hesitation I immediately chose to do the right thing. Then followed that with a lecture to the dick head about how wrong that was to step out on his wife.

Too bad I was not extended the same courtesy by the POS MOW that chose to engage in an A with my WH.

I will continue to choose to do the right thing...everyone should.

married2stranger posted 8/18/2013 23:37 PM

I hate you because you broke the unwritten rule among women. Women support each other. We know how difficult it is being a wife, mother and career women, and when a man comes to you complaining about his wife you should support the woman. You tell him “Of course your wife falls asleep on the couch. Think about what she does all day.” Why don’t you ask him what he is doing to make her life easier? You don’t use that as an opportunity to move in for the kill.

This is from another affair site where the BS wrote a letter to AP (never sent) but the best reference to the "girl code" I have found! I also feel WH's AP broke a "girl code"!!!!!1

HardenMyHeart posted 8/18/2013 23:37 PM

I am guessing there is a male equivalent. A bro code?

Definitely part of the unwritten guy code. Never mess with another man's woman. To do so is considered dishonorable.

[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 11:44 PM, August 18th (Sunday)]

Nature_Girl posted 8/19/2013 01:12 AM

I never heard of the girl code. Maybe 'cuz I'm an old person? LOL But I do know right from wrong.

Betrayed07 posted 8/19/2013 07:11 AM

This hits home with me and I posted something about it before, too. Also about coworkers. I stupidly thought there was a "girl code", too.

I am so jaded and bitter now that every woman is a potential whore to me. I turn on bitch mode with everyone - cashiers, waitresses, random people who talk to my husband. Call me crazy, but I don't even have any interest in making any female friends either. Like I said, they are all potential whores in my eyes now. Sorry to be so negative. I just don't understand how a woman with her own husband and children could do that to another woman. She could have easily put herself in my shoes and thought about it for a second! But the bitch didn't.

Tripletrouble posted 8/19/2013 15:17 PM

Perfect quote M2S! We should be lifting each other up, not looking for a crack to slip into! And b07 - I have the same issue. Every time I'm in public I look at other women and wonder "was she one of them?". I struggle not to hate all other women because I can never know who they were. And speaking of bro code, I asked WH if it bothered him that some of the other women would have been other men's wives. He asked what made me think any of them were married. Really???!!!??? It was a hook up site!! Duh!!

hobbeskat posted 8/19/2013 16:03 PM

Me, completely, and in always supporting your female friends. The OW was my best female friend, she clearly didn't believe in it. I stupidly thought most women did and trusted them. Now I don't, which is horrible as a feminist.

Kierst13 posted 8/19/2013 16:10 PM

I don't believe in a girl code or a guy code, I believe in being an honorable person with integrity.

Holly-Isis posted 8/19/2013 16:15 PM

I believed in it.

When I was in HS, I found out my crush had a thing for me too. We were on a field trip and spent the bus ride home holding hands and talking. His XGF (who had cheated on him BTW) saw and decided she wanted him again. I backed the heck off. Didn't want a part in a guy that might be interested in another girl.

History repeated itself when I got to college. MrH had a GF but walked in on her and his friend doing it doggy-style. Yeah, he was the BBF back then. He was acting all heart-broken and listening to sad love songs so I refused to have anything to do with him. What if they decided to get back together?

It was only after him trying to pique my interest by acting lovelorn and me walking the other way that he dropped the act and started pursuing me. Like my IC said, he's always been pursued, except by me. He's never had to put effort in, except with me. Guess he got tired of it.

No, in my mind not only do you go for another girl's guy, but if he is interested in her, you stay the hell away. No need for drama and heartbreak.

Then I M drama and heartbreak.

I tried to be so smart, yet I was so stupid.

catlover50 posted 8/19/2013 16:23 PM

I was just thinking this today.

My H has to own his shit, and turns out there is a lot to own. But why are there so many women (professional women who know me, know he is married) that are willing to pounce? Apparently he has to fend them off all the time (according to independent sources). With his history (CSA) I'm frankly amazed he's done as well as he has.(trust me, he gets no points for this!!!). Why would you want to go after a man, or, to be generous, encourage the advances of a man, who would have to be broken to sleep with you? Someone who doesn't even pretend to be unhappy with his marriage? What is wrong with these women?

I have taken to going by his work more, getting to know all the women (and they are all women). He posts pictures of us doing fun things on his FB and talks about me all the time. This may only help because it makes it harder for him to compartmentalize, but sometimes I feel like I'm marking my territory. And I really wish that I could count on sisterhood instead. Nope. Instead I have to hope for the best from a man who has already shown himself to be seriously flawed.

BeyondBreaking posted 8/19/2013 16:42 PM

I believe very strongly in girl code- or whatever you want to call it. I would never intentionally mess around with anybody who was in a relationship, and what's more, the one time I did by accident, I let her know immediately when I found out (none of that..."at first I didn't know and then I found out but I loved him" bullsh*t).

I simply don't understand what can possibly be so appealing about a man (or woman) that is lying to their partner. Disgusting.

Lionne posted 8/19/2013 16:53 PM

Growing up in the '70s I strongly believed in the women's movement, one that supported the rights of ALL people. Women still have unique challenges in the world.

We should be lifting each other up, not looking for a crack to slip into!

It still is shocking to me to think that some women choose to use sexual favors to get money, etc. from married men instead of trying to stand on their own two feet. The realization of the lack of self esteem of these cretins amazes me.

EasyDoesIt posted 8/19/2013 19:15 PM

If there is a bro code, my ex blew it by screwing his best friend's wife while the friend was deployed.

nestlee posted 8/19/2013 19:38 PM

I have always followed the girl code. Even had a dam hand shake to go with it.

TemporalReset posted 8/19/2013 21:14 PM

Not a girl. But sorry, it's a general lack of morality.

Welcome to the "Me World".

Tripletrouble posted 8/19/2013 21:34 PM

I certainly agree with all who posted it isn't so much code but rather a functioning moral compass that should keep us from cheating. For me though it's more than right and wrong, it's also a mentality of looking out for your sisters in life. Watch her back, not watch her man!
And a man that will sleep with a military wife while the husband is deployed, well that takes a special POS.