My H is leaving town for a week tomorrow morning. He's been out-of-town often since D-day (the first four months he traveled several days a week, every single week). But today, completely on his own and without hints from me, he set up a Facetime acount for both of us so we could communicate face to face while he's gone. Maybe I'm reading WAAAAAAY too much into that gesture, but it seemed extremely loving and trust-building to me. While we were testing it out, I couldn't stop grinning. :)
And yesterday morning, while cuddling after being intimate, we had a conversation that went a little like this:
Him: "This is wonderful. This is real."
Me: With feigned surprise, "So you're not just a figment of my imagination? Not my dream man?"
Him: "I am your dream man, but I'm in reality now."
He was DEEP in the fog after his A. Although he 'fessed up at the end of January, recommitted to me in mid-February, and has been increasingly kind ever since, our R's still felt shaky because of his SA and my inability to rebuild trust by seeing his e-mail/texts (secure work environment and equipment). Just in the last three weeks, he's really seemed to be TRYING. Does that make any sense? He'd been making progress before, but to me it felt like he was just going through the motions for the most part, like something was holding him back.
Just wanted to share in case anyone was in a similar situation. Things can and do get better. It's hard to imagine ever getting to the point where I never fear for him, for us, again, but these steps give me hope.