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I'm okay now...long vent

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curiouswiz posted 8/19/2013 05:54 AM

When I arrived at the court house last Monday for the pretrial hearing stbx was walking out the front door. He let me know that my lawyer was going to be late and that he doesn't have to wait. He's got better things to do dontcha know. He's pissed off. While yelling at me about the delay I heard shitlicker's dog yap. The junky actually came with him and brought her dog. Well, I was surprised to see him so having her there was just frosting on the cake. She hid in the front seat, practically crawling under the dashboard so when I was leaving I drove right up to the car and said hello junky douchebag. Then drove back home to pick up real estate paperwork I had forgotten. I was glad for the extra half hour!

My attorney couldn't believe he was there either! We had made a bet in his office the week before that he wouldn't show up. He owes me a buck! ha While waiting stbx went into the clerks office 3 times to complain about his time being wasted and why can't we postpone! All up in their faces! Moron. There's an arrest warrant out for him and I had tried to get him arrested twice before in Boston! I wasn't able to because of jurisdiction problems but told him I would to try to save his life! We calmly talked about it! WTF?

When we got into the court the atty. handed us both some paperwork and he threw it back at him because he doesn't need it! When the court officer came in the atty. took him into another room to talk. When he came back I asked is he letting them know to arrest him and he nodded.

So the judge comes in and says "Well Mr. douchebag! I'm very surprised to see you!" The judge had this huge smile on his face! As though it was all so amusing! Then he looked at me and asked me if I was as surprised as he is! OMG! So sad it's hilarious! So atty. let's judge know Mr. Douchebag threw the paperwork back at him and the judge just keeps smiling. All the while the officer and another officer are chatting away when a third comes in but it's a sherrif now. There all walking around busy getting prepared. Does Mr. see this? They give him headphones to listen to the proceedings and he says he doesn't need them and throws them down on the table! Then while the judge is still smiling as though he's in a comedy he's never seen before, enjoying all of this he picks them up and puts them on! Again, WTF?

So the atty. and judge start and they don't know what to do to get him to respond in anyway that makes sense. Basically shrugging at each other. So the judge tells Mr. that he should take the paperwork because he's going to need something to read where he's going..They proceed to arrest him and Mr. starts telling the judge they might as well throw the key away because he's can't and won't do what's required. To be honest here I do think he's incapable at this time to help himself. He's stark raving mad now. Nothing he says makes much sense.

So they haul him off and the judge says he's really quite surprised and asked me if I was too and I told him yes and that I had started to take control of the finances and that it took me more than a year to figure out what to do, that I've had 6 foreclosure notices and I'm just trying to stay afloat. The judge smiled at me and was warm and said it will be okay and left the court.

That was last Monday. Yesterday I got a phone call while at the market. He's telling me to have my atty. get him released! To have the atty. go to court today and to get him out. I told him I can't and that he's pissed the court off and he says I can. Okay Mr. Then he says bring me some money so I can have phone and canteen. Do it today. He's surprised. He can't believe this is happening. He can't believe shitlicker hasn't visited him. He can't believe she isn't helping him and I better get there and help him out!

I loved leaving the court while shitlicker was waiting for him and knowing she would sit there for a long time before she knew what happened. I loved that. I didn't love him being arrested but I love that he'll get medical care. He told me that's why he has to get out! He needs to see the Dr., he needs to get his eyes examined!?? What? I haven't had an eye exam in 3 years because of this shit and need new lenses!

I thought karma would feel good. I don't want any harm to come to him because he has made himself so sickly. But karma has arrived and it's not so sweet folks. What the hell is wrong with me that I have sympathy for this bastard, still?

I will go to the jail today. I will put $20 in for his canteen and that will be painful for me to do. I will NOT get him out of jail. I will let him stay there until he's healthy and/or does what the court orders. I'm torn about visiting with him. I'm not sure any good can come out of it this early in his stay. He is incapable of getting himself out so there he'll sit.

I have to go to Boston and deal with violent tenants that are his friends and could very well kill me. I have no idea if shitlicker is living in my house there and are there other heroin junkies living there with her? I have not wanted to go there to face this. I will have to do it at some point this week and it frightens the shit out of me to just think about.

And! I had a beautiful ride on my Vespa, finally, last Friday and I rode in the mountains and I had a glorious day. Then I crashed into a stone wall 50 feet from my house! It hurts! My ribs are killing me! But that's another story altogether and this is already a novel.

Any and all feedback is appreciated kids.

Bluebird26 posted 8/19/2013 06:02 AM

Wow the karma bus has hit.

I wouldn't be doing anything for him but that's just me.

Can you get the Police to accompany you to the home?

Hope you heal quickly from your crash!

SBB posted 8/19/2013 07:16 AM

Do not do a single thing for him. That is the kindest thing to do here for him and for you.

Don't visit. Don't send money. Don't do anything.

Dude needs to hit rock bottom and you need to detach.

My head hurts just reading your post - I cannot imagine living it.

Well, I can actually. My father was a hopeless addict - booze, drugs, women, beating the shit out of my mum, what-the-fuck-ever distracted him from whatever blackness he had inside himself.

It is an illness. Very difficult to fix. Impossible if they are being enabled - especially by someone who enables as an act of love.

Walk away and do not look back. Feel your feelings and work through them. One of my favourite quotes:

"Sometimes you have to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve".

nowiknow23 posted 8/19/2013 07:24 AM

Do not do a single thing for him. That is the kindest thing to do here for him and for you.
curious - I completely agree with SBB. Do NOT do anything for him. If there's ANY hope for him to pull out of this, he has to hit rock bottom and do all the work himself. You know this. He's trying to work your guilt to soften his fall. Don't do it.

Do not go alone to deal with the tenants. Call the cops. Bring enforcements. Protect yourself.

Hope your ribs heal quickly. Gentle hugs.

k94ever posted 8/19/2013 07:39 AM

Why are you going to give him money you will never see again?

Canteen is a privilege, not a right. He doesn't need it and you giving it to him is only feeding his control issues.



hexed posted 8/19/2013 08:24 AM


you are one amazing lady.

i hope you and the vespa are OK.

a loooong time ago, i made a very similar post about Karma. it feels different for all of us.

do what feels right for you but get the renters out NOW while he's not around to help them stay. visit him/give him money only if it will be healing for you for some reason. i wouldn't give him a dime.

curiouswiz posted 8/19/2013 08:47 AM

Thanks so much for the insight I needed. I'm in a lot of pain today. For some reason my ribs feel worse than the first day. It's only day 3 but I thought it would lessen by now. The Vespa needs tlc but will be okay if I'm ever able to afford to fix it.

I don't want to give him money but felt I should at least give him a little for canteen. I am my own worst enemy at times throwing compassion where it should be held back. I know he's crashing and I know it's a hard fall for him.

I will have police there with me when I go. I'm truly scared to death of all of this and just have to go face it down I guess. I think I'll give myself at least a few days to heal more before I do. The thought of shitlicker ransacking the house makes me naseous..who is in there with her. I want to run there and at the same time I'm too exhausted to do it right now.

Thanks for the truth I couldn't see kids. Thank you.

Amazonia posted 8/19/2013 08:48 AM

Skip the canteen... if he really needs something, that's OW's responsibility now. He has clearly fired you from that job.

devistatedmom posted 8/19/2013 08:55 AM

Keep that money to fix your Vespa. He needs to realize he made this mess,and you aren't going to save him this time. Ignore his calls. You aren't his savior anymore. Be your own savior.

Heal up, and go get those idiots out of your house! That is your mission for this week.

Undefinabl3 posted 8/19/2013 08:58 AM

I agree with everyone saying don't put money on his books for him. He will not starve, and while the food that they get every day sucks, its not going to kill him either.

He is used to having you or someone else bail him out of hard situations, i think its about time that he cant have a way to get his twinkies and honey buns. Let him survive off of the shit food they feed him.

nowiknow23 posted 8/19/2013 09:10 AM

I am my own worst enemy at times throwing compassion where it should be held back.

(((((curious))))) Sweetie - feed you. Give all that compassion to yourself. That's where the focus needs to be.

curiouswiz posted 8/19/2013 09:17 AM

NIK!!! You've gone and done it again! I'm teary eyed!

I told you not to be nice to me!

alphakitte posted 8/19/2013 09:19 AM

Putting money into his canteen isn't necessarily an act of love, and here is why.

Many buy things in the canteen in order to trade them for drugs, that other inmates have access to.

Don't do this. He is getting all he needs, you may just be enabling his habits.

curiouswiz posted 8/19/2013 09:24 AM

I didn't even think of that Alpha! I was thinking he could make a phone call at least but who is going to call? big sighs here

nowiknow23 posted 8/19/2013 09:25 AM

I told you not to be nice to me!
Sorry! Let me try this again...

Knock it off, curious!

curiouswiz posted 8/19/2013 10:22 AM

It hurts when I laugh NIK!!!! WTF?? LMAO .. thanks honey, I needed that smile. I'm hugging my ribs but I really needed that smile!

nowiknow23 posted 8/19/2013 10:31 AM

Dang it! First I make you cry, and then I make you hurt.

MyReturn2Me posted 8/19/2013 10:39 AM

Yeah cw I agree with the others. If you give him canteen money you're just allowing him to continue to be an ass.

Keep your canteen money and FTG!

curiouswiz posted 8/20/2013 10:53 AM

After discussing this with you kids I went about my day and got errands run. At the post office a letter from Mr. was waiting for me. I put it aside while I finished up errands.

When I got home at the end of the day I sat down with a cocktail and read it.
Here it is:

Dear Wiz;

First I want to say I'm sorry for ruining our lives. I know I messed up. But life goes on.

I can't believe you wanted me locked up. It's hard being in here. I know you don't want to hear it.

Could you put some money into commissary/canteen so I can get personal hygene items and snacks, phone calls.

You can go to the kiosk in the lobby of the jail and use the credit or debit cards. Please do this for me!!

I'm closing now. I am tired.

Love, Mr.

I could not stop crying. I wasn't sobbing or whining but the tears just would not stop. I just could not stop the tears and I tried so hard too.

I hate crying! Especially the tears that just come without any control. Just pouring out of me. And my entire face is swollen today from it. It's so friggen sad. I never want him back in my life and I have so much to deal with and can't seem to get myself to do it. So, I feel so stupid having these sympathies for him.

Today I'm just going to hang around, putzing around the house. I'll sit in the beautiful garden and get some sun. I'll force myself into the pool. I'll be good to me today.

I haven't got any money to give him after errands yesterday. There will be a direct deposit tomorrow and I'm trying so hard to follow your advice but I'm struggling with it. I want to go give him enough to buy essentials but I don't know what that amount is. Should I ask? Should I ask atty.?

I've been reading here for a few hours today...gaining more insight every time I do. So 2x4's or suggestions are welcome.

stillstrong posted 8/20/2013 10:59 AM

CuriousWiz, I don't understand something. I junky the OW? Isn't he her problem now?

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