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Just realised something

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Ellephantastic posted 8/19/2013 08:11 AM

I am listening to the audio book of "How Can I Ever Trust You Again?: Infidelity: From Discover to Recover in Seven Steps" by Andrew G. Marshall.

After the speaker quoted a woman from one of the case studies saying that it was easier for her WH to hurt her than it was for him to turn down his OW.

Its just made me realise that, that is how it was for my WBF. He would have rather hurt me than say no to OW and cancel on her or not reply to her.

Its bringing back a lot of pain. I was that unimportant to him

StepAside posted 8/19/2013 08:12 AM

these 'realizations' are breath taking aren't they? Staggering really. Keep breathing.

Ellephantastic posted 8/19/2013 08:19 AM

it really just sent me sideways. It doesn't help that its that TOM so I am hormonal anyway but, wow.

Heartbroken all over again.

struggling16 posted 8/19/2013 08:26 AM

This process is so painful. The constant onslaught of insights into the realities of the A are absolutely breath-taking and knee-buckling. I had that same insight when I read "How Can I Ever Trust You Again?" and the roller-coaster dipped.

I found Andrew Marshall's book immediately after Dday and ordered it. We read it together and it was helpful. I didn't feel so alone.

After almost 32 months of R, I can't believe the hell we have gone through. It does get better.

Ellephantastic posted 8/19/2013 08:36 AM

We are 7 months on from D-Day and I just discovered this book today.

I really wish I had found it sooner, I am trying to figure out where about we are in Andrew's 7 steps, I think we are at "Hope" but with the anniversary of the A coming up quickly (in just less than 2 months) I am recycling through the stage quickly. We are trying to R but it is incredibly difficult without full transparency, so I am also at the stage where the tiniest thing is making me think that something is still going on. OW is no longer in this country because she dropped out of university but the fact the entire internet makes it so easy for people to stay in touch hard to trust. He says there is NC and that he does not talk about her with anyone, but is there really?

struggling16 posted 8/19/2013 08:47 AM

I found his book after watching his videos online. I also often read his website which addresses individual concerns.

For me, the progression through the stages has been erratic. Sometimes I think we were in two stages simultaneously, depending on the day and circumstances.

Ellephantastic posted 8/19/2013 11:12 AM

I'll need to give his website a look,

Thankfully I've calmed down some what but I think this has pretty much set the mood for my day

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