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Infamous poofer strikes again?? Squee alert

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She11ybeanz posted 8/19/2013 09:18 AM

SO.....Friday night...the Spanish doctor and I made concrete dinner plans for Tuesday at 7pm. He had me pick the restaurant and everything (in which I picked out a nice local cafe that I enjoy since he has never been to my city). He ended the conversation that night telling me that he would text me the next day and said "Sweet dreams pretty accent" because he says he likes my Southern Virginia accent....

So....he never texted me Saturday..... and he never texted me Sunday.....its now Monday and I'm pretty convinced that he is another POOFER! He made the time ever since we started talking last week....every day to text me a couple of times during the day to say hi or say something clever to make me smile and now crickets.

I do believe the Chapter in that book "He's just not that into you" where it says that if a guy is interested in you, he is NEVER too busy to contact you in some way. I know he was on call this past weekend.....but I still think he could have said something.

Part of me wants to text him and figure out if we are still on for tomorrow but my pride says to just go NC and move on because its not worth it.

I want a man who is thoughtful and who I don't have to question his intentions or where he stands. I hate games. I hate dating. I hate poofers.

This is bullshit. Just makes me want to throw in the dating towel for a while. It seems like every time I see any potential in a guy he poofs on me...

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:18 AM, August 19th (Monday)]

Amazonia posted 8/19/2013 09:28 AM

Wait, your date isn't even until tomorrow?

Shelly, I think you're over-investing. It's very, very normal to let communication lapse a bit before a first date. The goal of the initial communication is often simply to get to the date.

Let the date happen before you declare him gone.

This is why you have been encouraged to focus on "just" a phone call, "just" a date, etc.

EvenKeel posted 8/19/2013 09:28 AM

I think it is too soon to deem him a poofer.

I know some ppl ease up on texting right before a date (because they are going to see you soon).

I would definitely just a short text today to say "Just confirming we are still on for tomorrow?"

I would not write him off until he truly poofed on your Tuesday plans.

Williesmom posted 8/19/2013 09:29 AM

I have family in the medical field, and there are times that I don't hear from them for days.

Give the guy a break. He made plans for Tuesday, so expect him to be there.

You haven't even met him yet, and you expect him to text every day. I think that's expecting a lot.

I predict that you'll hear from him this evening or tomorrow to confirm.

When you meet him, ask him to prescribe you a chill pill!!!

kwash posted 8/19/2013 10:01 AM

He may not be a poofer - but at the very least he is being rude - telling you he will be in contact and then not doing so. I would contact him confirming you are still on for tomorrow since you haven't heard form him. If you are still on and the evening goes well I'd be willing to let this slide, but if he keeps syaing he'll contact you and doesn't I say it's fair to raise it as an issue early on.

c6284x posted 8/19/2013 10:15 AM

While he may still show up for the date, I doubt you will ever be compatible with him. Some people just don't get it when it comes to common courtesy.

I absolutely hate when my texts don't get returned the same day, when I know you are on your phone 24/7. It would have taken you 30 seconds to return it but it wasn't important to you.

He may be a serial dater and you are not on the schedule until Tuesday.

Sorry to be so negative but I have no room in my life for rude people.

She11ybeanz posted 8/19/2013 11:53 AM

Well....I agree. I probably do need a chill pill prescribed!
He texted me about an hour after I posted this. He said he was busier this weekend than expected since he was on call...

I do need to chill out.

better4me posted 8/19/2013 12:42 PM

Your worries and "what if's" are something I've been working on too, Shell. What is helping me right now is something my therapist friend said to me. Believe that nothing has changed in someone's opinion or feelings about me unless they confirm that things have changed. When someone says "I'm looking forward to meeting you" or "I'm interested" or whatever and then doesn't text me or contact me, I work at assuming that what they said is still true and that nothing has changed just because I haven't heard from them. My mind still goes "maybe this" and "maybe that" but when it does I pull it back to nothing has changed unless I hear that it has changed.

I've had poofers too...that will happen with this dating stuff...but I think they are rare--chicken shits, but rare...

Breathe Sweetie, just breathe!

She11ybeanz posted 8/19/2013 21:10 PM I went from thinking he had poofed on me to having another great phone conversation with him tonight!

It seems like we can talk and talk and talk and never run out of things to talk about. (I love listening to him talk too.....loving the accent! )

I'm getting nervous about the date now....I still don't really know what I want to wear.... but I ended up running 10 miles at the gym tonight on the treadmill to ease some jitters (and because I missed my marathon training long-run yesterday and needed to make it up....but that's besides the point....)

I'm excited and nervous! We seem to really get along well... and I'm hoping for a fun evening! 1st impressions are always so nerve wrecking....but I feel like I've known him forever already.... so here goes nothing!!!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 9:11 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

She11ybeanz posted 8/20/2013 13:37 PM

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I'm so nervous and excited about my date tonight! I feel like a giddy schoolgirl who has never been on a date before! This will be only my 3rd "official" date in a year and a half......

Just hoping to have a good time!

clralb posted 8/20/2013 21:42 PM

Keep us updated, Shelly! I'm excited to hear how it goes.

She11ybeanz posted 8/21/2013 08:47 AM

Okay....I am going to say this really loud from my proverbial rooftop.... SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I had my 1st date last night with the Spanish Doctor... and OMGosh..... it went so much better than expected...dare I say perfect?

He picked me up around 7:20....and when he walked up.....OMGosh....GORGEOUS...I mean....seriously...his pictures did not do him justice AT ALL.... and I don't know if I found him so attractive because we had so many great phone conversations beforehand and had already connected on a personal level that way..... or if it was truly the fact that he was this very well-put-together Spanish Adonis with dark wavy hair and piercing big brown eyes.... ::shiver::

We decided on this local Cajun restaurant that I haven't even been to (that my bestie recommended) and I got the shrimp and grits and he to the salmon and picked us out a nice bottle of red argentine wine to share.... we talked for a couple of the point where he didn't even notice the waitress when she dropped of the check because we were so lost in conversation and laughing.....

He paid....but he also did other sweet things....opening the doors (car and restaurant) for me...and pulling out my chair at dinner....things I heard tales about and thought were lost with men in the dinosaur era

Since he has never been to my town before, I took him up our local mountain to our big man-made star and overlook (which was crowded) but GORGEOUS night to see the view! He was highly impressed! We talked and walked a bit..... and I knocked a spider off of his shoulder and he thanked me for saving his life (in that sexy accent of his.... OMGosh.... )

He drove me home around 11:15 and we drove through downtown and I pointed out all of the other neat places we have to eat and places of interest and he said...Okay...we will go there next time....(speaking of a little Italian place I mentioned...) and I said..."Oh...we don't have to do that...that place is pretty fancy!" And, he said...."You don't like it there?" And, I said...."No, I do...but" And, he said..."Okay....then let's go there!"

When he dropped me off he reiterated that he had a great time and wanted to see me again.....I (Of course) agreed..... and he walked me to my door....and we hugged goodbye. No kiss. Sorry ladies.... I was hoping... but I'm also hoping that he might be taking things slow because he is more serious and wants to see where things could lead....

He says he hasn't been on a date in 8 LONG months... he has been too busy with work and when he was in Texas worked like 170 hours in 2 weeks.... YIPES.... I'm hoping that God purposely kept him busy so he could come to Virginia and meet the Southern redheaded belle of his dreams.... (namely me...)

I will admit.... I am swooning a bit.... and I understand the whole feeling "lighter" or up on cloud 9 feeling......

BUT....I digress. I'm trying to stay grounded. I haven't texted him...I'm trying to let him make the next move and not seem too excited. The whole "let him pursue me" bit..... even though I really want to text him and tell him I had a great time....but I DID tell him last night I did and thanked him for dinner!

I'm not used to this kind of treatment....and its extremely humbling... I love that he wants to wine and dine me but I honestly think we could have fun doing whatever!

If nothing else....I can say I had the BEST 1st date experience ever....even without a kiss.... and I really hope that I get to see him again!

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:54 AM, August 21st (Wednesday)]

EvenKeel posted 8/21/2013 09:02 AM

What a nice update. Sounds like you had a fun evening!

I see nothing wrong with sending him a 'thank you' text (even if you did already text him). That to me doesn't sound needy at all - just so it is casual and sincere (ie thank you again for dinner - I had a wonderful time).

Good thing about texting is....they can't hear quivers or swoons in your voice.

Amazonia posted 8/21/2013 09:04 AM

Aww, yay for good first dates!

Staying grounded will be important - this thread is swinging from one end of the pendulum to the other, and you want that nice sweet spot in the middle.

After a good date, I would usually send a short, succinct, "I had a nice time last night" text the next day around lunch just to let the guy know I wasn't just being polite. No questions, no conversation, just short and to the point. Your call if you feel it's appropriate or not.

She11ybeanz posted 8/21/2013 09:21 AM

Well that's TWO lovely intelligent SI ladies telling me I should send a thank you text......and I think that's all the reassurance I need!

I will take that sweet spot in the middle.... that would be good!

Good thing about texting is....they can't hear quivers or swoons in your voice.

GOOD Thing!!!

She11ybeanz posted 8/21/2013 09:47 AM I sent the text just saying, "I just wanted to thank you again for dinner last night. I had a wonderful time and it was nice to finally meet you!" :-)

NOW....I have been reading conflicting things on whether or not guys like it if you text them after a date. Some articles say not to because the guy wants to "chase you" and if you text them they don't feel like they are pursuing you anymore.... and lose interest. Other guys say they like a woman to be thoughtful and send a follow-up text.....


lostmommy posted 8/22/2013 14:59 PM

I always text after if I've had a good time. If I haven't... well...

Brandon808 posted 8/22/2013 15:05 PM


I think the 'Thank you' text is a good idea. I know I would appreciate it.

She11ybeanz posted 8/22/2013 15:08 PM I have been googling articles about etiquette after the 1st date and how its "supposed" to work if a guy likes you and will ask for that all too important 2nd date.... he did text me back yesterday and said he had a great time too and made a joke about how I was right about his puppy being confused when he got home (because he is normally home in the evenings and not out...)

BUT.... that was the last time I heard from him..... so its been over 24 hours now. Before our date, he pretty much texted me every single day several times throughout the day...except over the weekend cause he was on-call...

I'm having a paranoid....slightly insecure moment....where I'm questioning everything about the date and wondering if I will hear back from him. BUT...I know I will not text him back until he contacts me 1st..... I don't want to come across as desperate... I just really had a good time and hope to see him again....

Amazonia posted 8/22/2013 15:23 PM

Did you respond to his last text? Was there anything to respond to, or was it just short?

Dating is complicated There is a fine line between letting someone lead and letting them feel ignored.

ETA: On the other hand, it doesn't sound like he is much of a texter; he didn't text you once the first date was set up, so I wouldn't give up on him for a few days. It's too late to plan for this weekend, and too early to plan for next weekend. Hopefully he'll call or text to set something up around Sunday or Monday.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 3:24 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

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