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Suspected poofer isn't actually a poofer yet!

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HURTAGAIN1981 posted 8/19/2013 12:53 PM

I posted about his contact becoming a lot more sparse.

Well he has been in touch sporadically and today, he asked me if I wanted to go meet his dog sometime this week. I replied and said yes, and he suggested Thursday which is odd because that's the day I was also thinking.

But there is a problem.

I assume that he means me going to his house. I am ok with that but I have only met him once. I am not sure if it will be a little awkward. I don't think he is after just sex and that certainly isn't what I am after and will certainly not be doing anything of the sort. As you could call it a second 'date' I wouldn't even feel comfortable getting to close or even kissing. So what on earth do I do if he tries something?

I am at the stage where I am still figuring out if I like him and I won't know that until I get to know him better obviously. As I said in my previous post, I wasn't 'instantly' attracted to him, but that isn't to say that I don't find him attractive either. Whichever way I look at it, I would want to take things very slowly, so how do you get that across? I don't feel I can bring that up out of the blue because as of right now, we have only met once and have chatted a bit so he may think it's weird or a bit presumptuous of me to even suggest such a thing.

Crescita posted 8/19/2013 12:58 PM

Maybe suggest a picnic or other dog friendly date so you don't have to go to his place before you are comfortable?

Amazonia posted 8/19/2013 13:04 PM

I learned the hard (aka super awkward) way that if you don't want to have sex with someone, don't go to their home and don't invite them to yours.

Make other arrangements, like crescita said. I have no qualms about telling a guy (with a good-natured laugh) that I don't invite anyone in/ have anyone over until I know them well. I'm also very up front while dating that I don't have sex outside committed relationships.

InnerLight posted 8/19/2013 14:31 PM

I went to SOs home on the second date to see his art and he was a perfect gentleman. No attempts at kissing at all. I felt comfortable after meeting him and a month of emailing to go there. With other men I didn't feel comfortable getting in their vehicle after 2 dates. So go with your gut about safety, and a suggestion to meet the dog in the park is a good one. Especially if you are worried about being in control of your own sexuality.

In my senior years i am way more in control and secure about my sexual boundaries than i was when i was young. i would feel fine about saying no with a smile if someone ignored my cues and stepped in for touching or a kiss too soon, and i would mean it. i wouldnt be harsh in my expression but any persistence would end the date. No speeches about taking it slowly would be necessary on a second date, it seems presumptuous to me if nothing has happened yet. There is no relationship in my mind at this point.

I think a lot of it has to do with your own clarity of mind about what you want and how you project that.

Crescita posted 8/19/2013 14:42 PM

Another option if you don’t want to bring the dog on the date would be to meet at his place but make plans to head out shortly after you get there. It’s that lingering around the house, “now what?” that can lead to friskiness.

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 8/20/2013 15:16 PM

Thanks all.

It's not so much that I don't feel comfortable. I haven't gotten any bad vibes from him so I wouldn't be worried being there. It's more like if he does try something (anything at all) I won't know what to do to move away without it looking like I'm flinching.

ladies_first posted 8/20/2013 17:21 PM

he asked me if I wanted to go meet his dog sometime this week.

Dogs like to run and play ... outside.

No reason to go to his house for second date, especially if he's gone silent for a period.

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 8/20/2013 17:55 PM

I wish there was a 'like' button!

Yes, yes they do! I shall suggest the park or something if it isn't too late and is still light

InnerLight posted 8/20/2013 18:29 PM

No matter where you are, at his place or in a park, he might reach for a feel or kiss when you don't want him too. For a simple overstepping of physical boundaries (not an assault) you can put your hand up in the stop sign position, you can turn your head away. You can say no. You can step backwards and say I'm not ready for that. Anything like that would be fine. If it seems right you can do all these things gently, even with a smile.

Flinching comes from trying to repress a reaction. You don't have to please him, especially if he is not pleasing you. You don't have to stuff down your reaction. You are entitled to have a negative reaction to someone stepping into your space where they are not wanted.

His reaction to your 'no' is pretty important. If he's a jackass about it than adios. If he says, oops, sorry and steps back and you continue your conversation then it was just a moment of awkwardness and that's no big deal.

It's a great test in fact. How they handle your no. So don't be afraid to use it.

[This message edited by InnerLight at 6:33 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

HURTAGAIN1981 posted 8/20/2013 18:38 PM

That makes sense. And I didn't think of that, that the location wouldn't make any difference.

From what I know of him so far, which isn't a lot, I don't 'think' he would make a move. I bloody hope not anyway!

I will just see how it goes and possibly keep my distance, that way, unless he had an extending and retractable neck, he will have no chance

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