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ICouldntFixIt (original poster member #15326) posted at 10:59 PM on Monday, August 19th, 2013
feel like I belong to myself anymore. I am just not me these days. My health has gone way the hell down hill. Everyone is angry all the time. I know I need to get into counseling. I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like anything. I'm really not that into talking right now. Some days, when I'm completely alone, I bite my lips to blood to keep from screaming. I don't have anything left for anyone anymore. Not even myself. I don't go anywhere, I work from home, I don't see anyone but family. I'm sick. I fear I'm relapsing, except I won't because I'm too afraid to be without my medications. The only person I have left to talk to, I just stare at and can't say what I need to because it's scary to put into words. I'm just worn out on everything. If I say anything, the only response I get is "should I be worried". Worried about what? I don't have the desire to do anything, let alone cause anyone else pain. I don't get up and shower most days. Who is that hurting?! Just me. I don't even know myself anymore.
"Don't settle for a spark...light a fire instead."
Deeply Scared ( Administrator #2) posted at 11:02 PM on Monday, August 19th, 2013
BS's are not to start threads in the WS forum. Moving to General.
"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)
My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.
HURTAGAIN1981 ( member #35178) posted at 11:11 PM on Monday, August 19th, 2013
Are you on anti depressants? It does sound like you are extremely depressed.
heforgotme ( member #38391) posted at 11:13 PM on Monday, August 19th, 2013
I know I need to get into counseling.
You are absolutely right. Please do this. I don't know enough about mental health to comment intelligently, but there is clearly enough going on that you can't just pick yourself up by the bootstraps. Please go find help from someone who knows what they are doing.
D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry
meplusfour ( member #38958) posted at 11:19 PM on Monday, August 19th, 2013
Please go and see your family physician/primary care provider. Go to their office and tell them that you need help. Print out your message and give it to them. Or go to the emergency room. Just take this first step to finding yourself again. Don't wait, just go.
Thinking of you and sending you strength.
BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."
heartache101 ( member #26465) posted at 11:21 PM on Monday, August 19th, 2013
(((Icouldntfixit)))
Honey you need help.
You are depressed sweetie.
I also read your profile and see that you are a WS.
Honey there is a brighter tomorrow ok. You will get there. If you don't have a counselor find one. If you have a IC please call him/her. Get in there pronto!
Open the windows in the house let the sunshine in!!
Watch a funny movie. Look at your children and smile and remember your love for them!! Please keep posting..
There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing
ICouldntFixIt (original poster member #15326) posted at 11:54 PM on Monday, August 19th, 2013
I am a madhatter. He does everying. He does it all. I do nothing except be here, in this house. Some days, I don't even say thank you.
Yes, I know I need counseling. But I don't have anything to say. If I say it, it becomes just a little too real. All the bad that's been done, all the bad I've done. I can't.
"Don't settle for a spark...light a fire instead."
TheRealDeal ( member #39560) posted at 12:30 AM on Tuesday, August 20th, 2013
But I don't have anything to say. If I say it, it becomes just a little too real. All the bad that's been done, all the bad I've done. I can't
As hard as it seems you need to be able to do this for YOU. You are so worth it regardless of what has been done "to you" or "by you". The main priority is seeking someone's help; they are willing to help with no judgement over anyone's actions.
Please reach out to them.
(((Icouldn'tfixit)))
Me (BS): 47 him (Xws): 55
together 18 years
DDay1, DDay2, Dday 3: March - June 2013
Dday4 + June 2015 through January 2016
Status: done I called it quits 1-6-2016
The hardest part of letting go is realizing there wasn't much left to hold on to
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