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Fishing? This will probably get long... Sorry.

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freelancer posted 8/19/2013 17:46 PM

So last night, WH got a text from a number that was not in his phone. He proceeded to have an entire conversation about where he is for work (for the next 7 weeks), how he misses a particular city and so on, assuming, without asking that it was a friend if his that lives in that same particular city. The same particular city that OW#1 lives in. I didn't know about this conversation until later.

WH got an email to his secret email (they all get forwarded automatically to me) from someone with a name I do not recognize saying "It was good talking to you, it sounds like everything is OK." I immediately contacted WH asking what that was about, especially since it went to the email address that only OWs knew about. He said, oh, maybe that text conversation wasn't with my buddy.

This person went on to text him (supposedly it was the same person) but the records indicate it is from a landline this second time and he is told that he is chatting with a person, "Victoria" and she is a known friend of OW#1. This is when I start to lose it. How do you now her? Why is she contacting you? Did she know you were married when you were f-info her friend? Apparently, when WH was screwing OW#1, her brother, B broke up with his fiancé to shack up with "Victoria" while there for work (WH and B work together, WH is actually B's boss now). So now I am finding out about this, how they all went on double dates, and all this other fun info and how obviously people other than B knew who EH was screwing. And how much more a setup this was in B's part.

I recently wrote about how B was in a motorcycle accident, and apparently "Victoria" was contacting WH to see how B was. Wouldn't "Victoria" have just asked OW#1 that instead if asking her for WH phone number and email address? And why would "Victoria" be asking things like "are you there in "work city" alone? "Any good wine and food?"

Anyway, after learning of the text conversation I logged into the secret email (I was invisible) and what do you know, OW#1 was logged in and ready to chat. She hasn't been logged in since at least May.

Am I right in believing that this is a fishing attempt? I am so overwhelmed with all of this new info at once. I have no appetite again and am unable to keep down what I can eat. I see my IC tomorrow, and I already have her blessing to talk to my PC doctor on Wednesdsy for something for anxiety. I was already having a really hard time with this trip, and then this. I feel like I am going to break.

heartache101 posted 8/19/2013 17:52 PM

Has he sent a NC letter out to OW?
That should also mean no contact with all persons that were a part of all this!
IDK? Sounds like he is fishing. I mean really he didn't know who he was texting really??? You buying that?

I am not I am sorry honey..
You have every reason to be upset about this trip. Get your finances in order and draw that line in the sand and tell him he best not cross it again and no more talking to VICTORIA! Or texting..

Jospehine85 posted 8/19/2013 17:52 PM

Maybe I am misunderstanding how you have described all of this.

But to me, it does not sound like fishing. It sounds like your WH is in contact with OW and not with Victoria. And he knows it.

Don't let him gaslight you freelancer

whattheh posted 8/19/2013 17:52 PM

Why is he still using the secret email acct? Why is she not blocked in chat?

freelancer posted 8/19/2013 17:58 PM

Oh, and I forgot to add that she (OW#1) sent him a text through some online program (her cell # is blocked) saying "I still love you". She had done the same thing in may, which is when we blocked her. I told him it is time to change his number, as I urged him to do in May.

She was sent a NC Letter after DD certified mail, and since he had told her that it was coming, she didn't go to the post office and get it. I am considering having it served to her at work now.

When I questioned him in it, he did send me screenshots is the conversation and the number of texts and times match the phone records, so I know he didn't delete. And he asked who it was after I contacted him. He said to her "oh, I thought this was my buddy". I don't think he has broken NC (intentionally) as I do watch him like a hawk. But he is also 3000 miles away for 7 weeks.

I need to throw up again.

freelancer posted 8/19/2013 18:00 PM

Whattheh, I basically control the secret email account. I could change the password on it, and I doubt WH would even know. She is blocked 99% of the time. I had unblocked her to see if she would be there when I logged on in the wake of all this. She was.

Ostrich80 posted 8/19/2013 18:05 PM

I would be on alert..just seems to have some things that don't make sense. Any friend of the ow should be treated as she is...NC with ws, because those bitches will help the ow out. I smell a rat!

freelancer posted 8/19/2013 18:09 PM

O80 - I am with you! I 90% believe that he genuinely thought it was his friend (we used to live in the city that friend and OW are in) so yes, it could happen. I made it very clear to him last night that Victoria is not a friend if the family and he is to have no interaction with her. I told him that he also needs to talk to B and tell him that his ex needs to not be contacting him. He just agreed to change his cell # and re-send a NC letter. We'll see how long all of that takes.

freelancer posted 8/19/2013 20:48 PM

Heartache, both numbers he was contacted from last night have been blocked nd we are working on getting him a new cell number. Logistically, this is difficult since he is 3000 miles from where we live and he could end up with a random number from an area we don't live in. But working on that. Another contact letter is also going out.

silverhopes posted 8/19/2013 22:24 PM

Something sounds really wrong with this situation. I can see why you're feeling sick about it. It's weird that your H just divulged all this information to someone whose number wasn't even in his phone.

So wait... recently B was in a motorcycle, your H was contacted by "Victoria" - did he tell you upfront that Victoria was contacting him, or did you find out by other means? And did he fail to mention then that she's one of OW's friends? And that she knew about their A and was even double-adultering with them? (sorry, calling it double-"dating" turns my stomach). It sounds like he's just telling you this now. And that would make me uneasy.

It's also really, really disturbing that now the OW knows that your H will be alone (in her city?) for seven weeks coming up soon. She might try to rekindle something. Count on it. Now the question is, is your H strong enough to maintain his boundaries? Does he understand how to maintain NC? Does he have a tendency to be "nice" and will he try to avoid hurting her feelings, or will he outright shut it down and protect his boundaries and your M? This is something he really needs to think about. He's now (accidentally or not) broken NC with her and she has a window into his life. How will he rectify that?

I'm so sorry this is happening, freelancer. Something just seems really wrong about this situation. How has your H's mood about this been? What does your gut say?

[This message edited by silverhopes at 10:26 PM, August 19th (Monday)]

ionlytalkedtoher posted 8/19/2013 22:25 PM

so if a number is blocked it still gets through somehow?

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