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IsSheCheating posted 8/19/2013 17:55 PM

So a little about us. Been married 15+years, 40+ years old, 2 young kids. My wife had an affair back in 2001 before kids. It was horrible, but we survived got back together. Since then, we've had two kids and I've become a stay at home dad as my wife has a pretty crazy work schedule and makes good money.

For the last couple of years, I've felt like things are a little stressed. She wasn't as receptive to more than quickie sex and her work got way busier (most likely linked I know). She also has been pretty sharp w/ me many times.

So given our history, I occasionally wonder if it's due to a new affair. So occasionally, I have skimmed through her text messages. I'm not proud of this, but I found out about the previous affair by being suspicious and checking email.

We have a new ipad and it shows her text messages to other iphones. Today I found this:

My wife: Here is one "I want you to f*** me until I cum all over your hard fat c***."

response: :)

That's all there is. And the quotation marks were in the text. Clearly there's more to the conversation. The name that she's messaging is a female name that I don't know.

I don't know what to think. I can think of several plausible explanations. My wife is not shy and could be talking about good naughty things to say to a husband, but it just seems weird to say that to someone that I've never heard of. Also seems weird that there isn't more kind of like part of the thread was deleted, but she forgot the last bit. Or I don't know.

I'm not going to say anything right now, but will keep my eyes open.

I just wanted to hear if I was being totally paranoid and making trouble out of nothing.

Thanks for listening.

Brandon808 posted 8/19/2013 18:02 PM

I agree you need more information. Go into stealth mode and carefully start finding what you can. If she is cheating then any of those "plausible explanations" would be thrown at you so fast it would make your head spin.

alphakitte posted 8/19/2013 18:03 PM

No matter to whom the text was sent, it isn't appropriate.

As to it going to a female? Perhaps the # is listed to a female, versus a male, to throw you off. Not an uncommon tactic.

shiloe posted 8/19/2013 18:05 PM

Don't let her know you looked in her phone. Act like every thing is fine. Go into stealth investigation mode. If she has a history of cheating, she may be at it again. I would not give her the benefit of the doubt because she has done it in the past.

confused615 posted 8/19/2013 18:09 PM

She is texting a man..but has put him under a woman's name on her phone. It happens all the WH did the same thing.

Im sorry.

Don't say anything. Put a keylogger on her computer,a VAR in her car,and spyware on her phone.

IsSheCheating posted 8/19/2013 18:18 PM

Thanks. Stealth mode is the answer regardless.

I just feel sick though. I'm trying to cook for the kids because she's at a late meeting and it's hard to not dwell on this crap... which of course brings up all the dirt from years ago.


tushnurse posted 8/19/2013 18:45 PM

Wow that sucks. Sure you are overwhelmed right now.
Please focus on you and go into stealth mode. My H had his ap under a friends name in his phone.
So definitely get the password to her cloud acct and learn how to be blind copied on her activities. I think there is a way to do this but not sure how. Spyware on phone computer etc. and lastly a voice activated recorder (var ) in her car.

When you reconciled did she do the hard work of fixing herself or was it rugswept ? If she never really got it and did the hard work of self realization and fixing it then the chance of a repeat a is much higher.
Take care of you focus on that and taking care of the kids. I would also recommend seeing an attorney now. Prepare for the worst possible outcome, that way anything less will be a breeze.
Keep posting here you will find lots of great advice and support.

(((and strength)))

sunshine226 posted 8/19/2013 18:50 PM

My WH did the same thing, listed OW under a man's name

It is a totally inappropriate text IMO

IsSheCheating posted 8/19/2013 18:55 PM

We did a few sessions w/ a shrink, but it didn't really go anywhere.

It was an emotional affair that included sex. The guy had a pregnant wife. Such class.

We separated, got back together for a few months and then separated for the summer. She appealed to me both times to get back together.

Was it rugswept? I don't really think so. She learned about the dangers of friendship turning into more... and I don't know. My head is cloudy. Sorry.

I'll post more later. I need to do the father thing.

EasyDoesIt posted 8/19/2013 19:12 PM

Yours wouldn't be the first to use a fake name for an illicit contact, particularly one of the same sex. Call the number from a pay phone if you can find one, or from a hospital emergency room. People will usually pick up for those calls.

mandan66 posted 8/19/2013 19:26 PM

Sorry bro---you are in stress city until you find out the truth. And, like some of the others have posted, my XWW did the same thing. She used an old girlfriends name that she hadn't spoken to in years for her fake #. Hang in there!

Scubachick posted 8/19/2013 22:05 PM

I agree with the others...go in stealth mode. My husband listed the OW as security and she didn't even work in that department. Get the number from your ipad. Call it and see who answers.

IsSheCheating posted 8/19/2013 22:48 PM

Okay, I just found spydialer. It will let you listen to the outgoing voicemail message for a cell number.

Well, the answering message was a woman with the name on my wife's text.

I also googled the woman's name. She's in a similar profession as my wife so I found a picture.

I've never heard of her.

Hell, I don't know what to think.

I ordered something to check out her phone. Should be here Wed. Maybe that will shed some light.

BFForever posted 8/20/2013 13:27 PM

Since it was written with quotation marks, couldn't it be that she's giving "lines" to her friend to use? It says "here's another one". I mean, maybe her friend is not good at sexting! ???

GabyBaby posted 8/20/2013 13:32 PM

Since it was written with quotation marks, couldn't it be that she's giving "lines" to her friend to use? It says "here's another one". I mean, maybe her friend is not good at sexting! ???

The flip side of this is that she could be sharing texts she's received from OM with her female friend.

ETA: To clarify, I meant maybe the texts were ones she's used with OM and were sharing with a female friend.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 5:49 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

cissi posted 8/20/2013 13:34 PM

I completely agree with BFForever.

NeverAgain2013 posted 8/20/2013 13:53 PM

I agree with BFForever, as well.

If it's indeed a woman she's texting (and SpyDialer says it is) and the dirty line had quotes around it, then it would appear she's giving this woman 'hot' things to possibly text to some guy that she's trying to entice (or spicing things up with her hubby, etc. etc.)

She can't be sharing texts she received from some OM because what man would have sent your wife a text claiming that he wants to cum all over her 'fat c*ck?' That scenario doesn't make sense.

IsSheCheating posted 8/20/2013 14:52 PM

It's the dang quotes that are throwing me off too. Hopefully, you guys are right. Hopefully, I'm just being foolish.

Still, it's hard not to dwell on this.

I did some email digging on the name. 3 years ago, there was a dinner with this woman and some of my wife's partners, but not much since. And again, I don't think my wife has ever talked about this woman. Did she mention her 3 years ago? I don't think so, but who knows?

I guess I was trying to see if there was a friendship between my wife and this friend of the level of that sort of "girltalk."

Hopefully, I'll know more tomorrow night if I get access to her phone.

niaveone posted 8/20/2013 15:14 PM

Or maybe your wife is reading one of the newer trilogies and the woman she is texting is too? The first thing I thought of when I read it was that it sounded like it was straight out of one of the Crossfire books I've been reading. Really naughty stuff in there!

They could be just quoting their fav cheesy line of the day to each other as stupid fun too. ? I hope that's what is happening.

BeyondBreaking posted 8/20/2013 15:16 PM

I don't see any good explaination for why she would be saying this to a woman. I can't imagine that she was talking to a woman about wanting to c** on her c***. That doesn't make sense to me.

I would poke around and see what else you can find and then confront.

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