Are you asking for a thread / article that will help her to own her infidelity and wayward behaviour patterns (like compartmentalisation)?
there are a number in the healing library under confrontation / discovery.
Really you can give her all of these resources and at the end of the day she will need to make a choice. That she wishes to be a whole and authentic human being. And then even on the other side of that is another choice - to love you and be true to herself.
I really encourage you to have a look at some of the reading that will help you. some of the material in confrontation in the healing library will really help.
I am glad you are feeling stronger and calmer and more aware of her games.
I am not sure from all of your posts if have clearly expressed your own boundaries in terms of her behaviours and thought processes.
TR - you can't change her, you can't do any work for her. It is absolutely worth the effort to put the material in front of her. But at the end of the day the only person who can protect you is YOU. It is critical that you have a list of conditions and contributions that will build an evironment you can heal in. If that environment can't be established in your marriage - you will not be able to heal there. And if you can't heal there you can't reconcile there either.
I might be on the wrong track. I offer all of this gently. But just want to encourage you to take balanced steps. Put those things in front of her - but before you do get clear in your head what you need, what you will NOT accept - and mean it.
I don't want to burden you with stories about our early weeks and months. But will say in the first 6 weeks I made such a mess. I showed him every weakness. And although he felt care and love towards me and we were 'bonding' every chance we got. he lied and drip fed me the truth.
And then I found my limit. Stepped up and turned away from him. He had my 'list' for weeks - but was still gas lighting and minimising that he had been unfaithful at all.
Only when he hit the edge of the cliff did he turn back and begin unravelling his lies and deception.
I feel sick thinking about that time.
If she isn't going to take those first steps - it will be impossible for her to get to the next ones. I am glad you can see how very early in this process she is - I have to ask you though ... Is she in it at all?
Blessings always to you TR.