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What the heck is going on with me?
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babbs posted 8/19/2013 19:47 PM
I have to preface this by saying that I'm not typically a hostile person. I have in recent weeks been "snapping" at random people. I was at a Jack in the Box and was asking one of the employees about my order as I was waiting for a while...The girl glared at me and walked off! I went off on her! I yelled in a restaurant at her lack of respect and called her names ugh... This is not something I had ever done. Today a guy made a turn on the road when it was my right of way (I think) he gave me a dirty look and shook his head... I told him in an animated way that it was my right of way!!! Then he threw a nickel or something at my car! I'm lucky he didnt shoot my angry ass. WTF is wrong with me I'm ready for war with anyone who tries me right now... I don't want to talk to strangers at the grocery store line and people in general. I'm so irritable, angry sad, frustrated and alone. BTW I'm on cymbalta and at the full dose... maybe I need to start taking my Xanax again;/ Anyone else flipping out?
ME WWS35
BH 33
DDAY 4/1/13
EvolvingSoul posted 8/19/2013 20:18 PM
I think sometimes we unconsciously replace feelings of shame with a different emotion that is easier to deal with, particularly one that's outward directed. Anger is one alternative that is common.
Recovering from infidelity does involve learning to deal with very uncomfortable emotional states for a pretty long time. Sometimes my feelings track BS's apparent emotional state and sometimes they come as a result of the personal work I'm slogging through.
Something I've found that helps is any amount of meditation practice. Even if it's just a few minutes its helping me develop the ability to give myself a mental break.
There are a lot of resources on the internets that are free and can help you start a meditation practice. One book that I'm learning a lot from about why meditation works from a physiological perspective is Buddha's Brain by Rick Hanson.
This is a bumpy ride so it's good idea to start assembling a tool kit of wholesome self-soothing techniques.
Strength to you from a fellow EvolvingSoul.
babbs posted 8/19/2013 21:00 PM
That sounds like solid advice. Thank you so much for your insight. Loved your quote as I too feel as if I'm riding shot-gun.
ThoughtIKnewYa posted 8/19/2013 23:25 PM
My H had a similar thing going on after d-day. I called it misdirected hostility. He was so angry with himself, but not in a place to feel that, at the time, so he took it out on other people.