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Thefly559 posted 8/19/2013 19:58 PM

Hello all , my first time posting on divorce thread ,guess I moved up or down the line from just found out. Some of you know my story , it is the same as yours . Wife cheated with no closure, no sorrow , no tear, no closure at all even after catching her in a hotel ! So to make long story short I am in middle of a nasty divorce . Of course the judge in my liberal state sides with her most of the time and the fact that she lied cheated stole and has a full time boyfriend means absolutely nothing. I am ordered to pay 95% of court costs! Did I mention she has a job and collects unemployment from our company! my lawyer did his best so I can't blame him . Anyway for some reason ? The court and judge and lawyers think because she is beautiful and innocent looking and well spoken that she is an angel .She cries in court all the time and she is the one who caused this mess ? Today I text her about some bill she wants to try to get me to pay and my anger comes out and I throw a dig about her new man ! So she responds with a sad face picture and says "awe you still miss me" dam that fucking hurt! But I told her she was used and trash instead of saying yes. My point is how can she fool so many people? I guess the same way she fooled me for 19 years?she wanted a divorce she is getting it ,she wanted the house and me out she got it, she wants to move on with her new man , she is . So why continue to try to hurt me ? She is the devil !!!! But looks like an angel!

Holly-Isis posted 8/19/2013 20:16 PM

I know that it hurts. I know that she's screwing with your had and heart.

You need to keep it business. No personal comments She can use these against you in court and make you look worse and make her look more like an angel.

Read in the Healing Library. BS FAQs #11. It's called the 180 and it will help you detach by removing your focus for her and turning it on to yourself.

woundedby2 posted 8/20/2013 01:51 AM

Sorry you've found yourself in the middle of a nasty divorce that you never wanted to begin with.

I'm sure most here would agree that the courts suck. It is very frustrating to be in a no-fault state where it doesn't matter a lick if our STBXs have had 17 affairs. The courts don't care.

As far as her still wanting to hurt you? She does it because she can. And she gets a rise out of it. Like it's a game.

No Contact is your best friend right now. Do not engage her for anything other than the business of your divorce or matters involving your children (if you have any). Try to limit your communications to email. These can be used in court, and you can take time to think about your responses and remove the emotions before you hit send.

Strength to you. (((fly)))

Nature_Girl posted 8/20/2013 02:44 AM

Is she a narcissist?

Thefly559 posted 8/20/2013 03:09 AM

Who knows who she is anymore. She isn't the person I married that is for sure. She told me that I am in a midlife crisis? She had an affair destroyed her family and all we saved 19 yrs for she lost 25 lbs , has a full time boyfriend , new career and is getting breast implants. And she says I am in midlife? ????Thanks for the support.

Nature_Girl posted 8/20/2013 03:42 AM

I asked because of the way you indicated she's been able to manipulate the judge. Even though my STBX is a troglodyte, he, too, has been able to lie with impunity and manipulate the legal system. He is a narcissist. It helped me when I was finally able to identify what the hell was wrong with him so I could better understand how to divorce him. So I'm wondering if there's an underlying disorder for your WW that might help you & your attorney manipulate her back.

SBB posted 8/20/2013 03:52 AM

^^ what everyone said especially NG.

That there is NOT normal behaviour and it is designed to make you look like the crazy one.

Stop the contact immediately. This is the first, most important and surest way to protect yourself.

Everything through lawyers - do not give her a single bit of your emotion beause she is an emotional vampire.

I don't know about your court system but here they don't care who is a scumbag or angel/devil - they just have a standard formula to follow and follow the same formula for everyone - thy dont give a rats arse who did what or who deserves what or even justice for that matter.

Please protect yourself and read up about NPD to arm yourself with tools to extract this parasite from your life.

Thefly559 posted 8/20/2013 03:59 AM

Yes she is beyond narcissist she is sociopathic bordering psychopath . I used to feel like for years she would push every button to get me to react and when I did she would say look he is nuts as she smiled and looked all innocent. Like when she spent 15,000 on credit card without asking or telling me. On one charge and after I confront her nicely without aggression she would say it is what she wanted to do. So I would react and her story to family and friends was always that I went nuts and yelled at her. But she always left out the reason. This is narcissistic? I felt like I was being hit while the teacher was facing the blackboard , and I would yell ouch! And when the teacher turned around and saw everyone sitting nice except me, the teacher yelled at me. Did you get that feeling?

Nature_Girl posted 8/20/2013 04:19 AM

Yes, that is classic abuse by someone who has a personality disorder. Here, I want you to spend some time reading at this website, okay?

Thefly559 posted 8/20/2013 04:25 AM

Ok thank you. Ill let you know how it goes. Thanks sooooo much

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