My partner was never really remorseful about his affair. I have been getting that gut feeling that he is back at it.
He was recently told he was being promoted to supervisor at his job, and this included some changes in his work schedule.
He worked alternating 12 hour shifts before. 7pm - 7am one month and 7am - 7pm the next.
When he started training he was to work normal 8 hour shifts. 7am - 3pm.
One day he told me he would start working over time because they were building a new furnace (he works in an aluminum plant ). He started coming home at different hours. Some days he would come home at 4 some days at 7, etc.
This leaves a bad taste in my mouth because during his affair he often told me he was going to work when he was really going to spend time with her. Once he even told me he was taking his friend's night 12 hour shift ( he was working days ) so he could spend the night with her.
About 3 months ago I found another one of her fake facebooks. Not long after I was investigating his car, and found a ripped piece of paper.I could make out the word paola. I asked him and he cussed at men and said it was from his job. He often has to write down the metals he puts inside the furnace. I didn't buy it but let it go...
Those are the only clues I have. Before he was leaving irrefutable proof everywhere. So he couldn't lie.
He has been starting dumb fights. He started an argument with me a few minutes ago because I made a frozen pizza for dinner and didn't make a pot of rice.
I can't bring anything up, because it turns in to a huge fight about me being paranoid and not letting things go...
[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:22 PM, August 19th (Monday)]
Together 6 years.
Ow: 18 at the time. Our son's "God sister"
Doomsday: November 2nd 2012. A couple of days before our sons birthday
I think I only believed we were in reconciliation for a few months, though. On July 4th, after dday, when we were supposed to be "giving it our all", he was texting her. I suspected that they had had a physical affair, but he always denied it. I finally got him to admit the truth, but in the meantime discovered he'd been visiting Craig's list looking for casual hook-ups. This all took place between the end of May when he told her it was over and the end of November when he finally confessed to screwing her.
He played the role of remorseful husband for a while, but since he really hadn't made any substantial changes (and obviously didn't plan to), the veneer wore off pretty fast, and he was back to his old tricks, showing all the same signs as before.
Sorry you find yourself here. It's definitely no fun....
My partner was never really remorseful about his affair.
May I ask why you decided to stay in the marriage then?
My gut is pretty trustworthy, and historically most BS can rely on theirs as well. As nice considerate honorable humans we want to believe we are wrong.
Sad that honorable, trustworthy partners find themselves with a person that can easily and selfishly risk everything for an affair
friends wife lasting 10 years. TT over a
year a year. Now his health is declining,
among the lack of communication.
Your H doesn't sound very remorseful to me..
Starting fights over nothing is a huge red flag. STBX did that to me all the damn time during his affair. It's like they are trying to justify their cheating by causing problems in the marriage.
Odd hours are also a big red flag. Mine was also "working late," "working early," and "going to see his mom" when he was cheating..
My STBX also took the affair underground by using the chat feature on a word game on his phone.
I would do some digging girl. You don't deserve this kind of disrespectful treatment, and something smells VERY fishy to me..
You have every right to be paranoid, and he's being a total dick by making you feel you should just "let things go." That's manipulative, wayward behavior..
Good luck to you.. Hugs..
Butterfly, I hadn't even thought about chatting on a word game - I will need to check that!
I am one who found out years later. I suspected at the time but he convinced me I was just nuts. Now I am beginning to wonder if I have become so.
We went to MC and IC. We only did MC a short while and he went to IC two or three times.
MY MC and IC said he was NPD. I didn't comprehent what that meant. I am learning. He really can't empathize with me my hurt and anger.
He confessed and did some TT for awhile. He then told me it was to painful for him to talk about it. Hell, what about my pain??
Three years later and he siad the dumbest thing a WS can say(IMHO). He said"He has no regrets in his life."
Guess what I do. I should have pushed every issue I had. Now I am not sure he can do anything to make me stay.
I believe true R is both the WS and BS working on a better and new M. I feel I have done the work and he has reaped the benefits.
Only time will tell what will happen now. I know if I continue to stay we have to rehash the past and continue from there. If I go- it really doesn't matter about him. Either way back to IC for me.