Dear Lucy
You did not cause the affair. You may be responsible for 50% of the problems in your marriage, but you are responsible for 0% of the affair!
Your WH owns 50% of the marriage problems and 100% of the fault for the affair.
(((gently))) How do you know that it is truly over? Of your previous posts where you stated he is trying to justify sex because he cared for her translates to me that he is still holding on.
Is he sorry for the affair or sorry he got caught?
(((extra gently))) You can certainly want to be or work towards reconciliation but you are not there yet.
It has not even been a month since Dday. You cannot fast track your healing. It is a process and if you think you can will yourself to be "over" it in a month you will only set yourself up for more hurt. Triggers will happen, are happening. This is normal. You have to feel everything you feel and then some.
It is a process and one way or another, I promise you will come out the other side.
Look up the 180 in the Healing Library. It may be a good place to start.
Sorry you find yourself here. We care and wish you well.
Deep breaths, lots of prayers and work hard for you to find your footing, set your boundaries and take back some of the power.
Healthy hugs
[This message edited by 1Faith at 3:54 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]