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Newest Member: Leopard1 (57982)

User Topic: How is this my life?
lucy17
♀ 40187
Member # 40187
Default  Posted: 10:30 PM, August 19th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's all I have to say. Also, does it get better? Do I start to forget, to stop blaming myself...
What if it doesn't get better?
We went on a couple of dates ourselves during his affair. I was happy. Oblivious, happy, and stupid. Now I check his phone every night and plan on checking his work e-mail this weekend. I'm scared what I will find out. Two months ago I thought I was happily married. Now I think I am in reconciliation. It's like I'm in a movie where everyone knows the plot but me.


The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." Hemingway
Me- BS 36
Him- WS 41
1 child- 10 years old
together 18 years, legally married 15
Dday1- 7/7/13
Dday2- 8/12/13
The rollercoaster of R

Posts: 151 | Registered: Aug 2013
TxsT
♀ 39996
Member # 39996
Default  Posted: 1:22 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It gets better but not until you do an awful lot of hard work. Once the work is done you will know it is time to put it in the past and move on. Some people do the work quicker then others and some never get all the work done and move on.

Your story is your own and only you will know when it is time to feel better.


Me: BS 50
Hubby: WH 53
Together: 32 years
Married: 25 years 09/10/2013
2 boys: 23&21
Dday: 09/11/2012
A length: 4+ years (yes years)
status: Ongoing Reconciliation :o)

Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!


Posts: 605 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: CDN
summerain
♀ 37439
Member # 37439
Default  Posted: 3:27 AM, August 20th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lucy,

I read your post about DDAY2,

I was horrified for you. You won't start healing until you are in reconciliation

1) You are not in reconciliation yet
2) I will let you on a secret that took me a long time to figure out: The happy times during the affair was not a lie. He was able to compartmentalize... that's why you were happy. It's hard to explain
3)

I confronted him last night and he denied, denied, denied. Until I left, then came back and printed out phone records.
cue

There is no movie plot, I wish I could tell you what is going to happen. But I can point out and yell out what has already happened.

You need to figure if reconciliation is truly what you want. But not a
Q: 'is reconcilliation what I want?'
A: 'Yes' conversation

Write a list with pros and cons, figure out what you need and if you are recieving it

Figure out why you would stay and if that would be enough

I am in R, but it is a hard hard battle, and a loosing one when you are with a liar


Please, I am not being harsh to be mean. I'm being harsh because I care


OW1 inadvertently let me know WH loves English breakfast tea. Never ever saw him drink it. And I never will.

Posts: 818 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Australia
1Faith
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Frustrated  Posted: 3:54 PM, August 21st (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Lucy

You did not cause the affair. You may be responsible for 50% of the problems in your marriage, but you are responsible for 0% of the affair!

Your WH owns 50% of the marriage problems and 100% of the fault for the affair.

(((gently))) How do you know that it is truly over? Of your previous posts where you stated he is trying to justify sex because he cared for her translates to me that he is still holding on.

Is he sorry for the affair or sorry he got caught?

(((extra gently))) You can certainly want to be or work towards reconciliation but you are not there yet.

It has not even been a month since Dday. You cannot fast track your healing. It is a process and if you think you can will yourself to be "over" it in a month you will only set yourself up for more hurt. Triggers will happen, are happening. This is normal. You have to feel everything you feel and then some.

It is a process and one way or another, I promise you will come out the other side.

Look up the 180 in the Healing Library. It may be a good place to start.

Sorry you find yourself here. We care and wish you well.

Deep breaths, lots of prayers and work hard for you to find your footing, set your boundaries and take back some of the power.

Healthy hugs

[This message edited by 1Faith at 3:54 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 2550 | Registered: Apr 2013
Broken6
♀ 40347
Member # 40347
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, September 8th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't we all wish we were dreaming and would wake up and realize that this was all just a nightmare. I think we are trying to R, but there are triggers, and it sets me back. It is like 1 step forward, and somedays 3 steps back. I am still trying to make sense of this surreal experience. My main focus is to try and not think about it ALL day long which is what I did in the beginning. I am numb now, I can't even cry much anymore. All cried out right now. They don't even know the depth of the pain they cause. I am sorry for your having to be here, but hope you find peace and support here. I have. Hugs.


The grass isn't greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.

Posts: 58 | Registered: Aug 2013
movingbackwards
♀ 40612
Member # 40612
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, September 11th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's like I'm in a movie where everyone knows the plot but me.


This. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I, too, am wondering when I will find out more. Hugs.


You can crawl back home, say you were wrong
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long
Go ahead and water the lawn
My give a damn's busted!

Posts: 85 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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