What do I have? A lot really. I have a house, 3 healthy and beautiful children, a vehicle, food, the ability to stay home and be the kind of mom I want to be for my kids (as an aside, remember that WH still works at the same place as OW). I have people who appreciate me and see my value. I have a college education and work skills. I don't want to write it in case it isn't true, but I guess I finally have a husband I deserve. But why do I feel like I need something amazing to happen? Why can't it (it is what we call OW) quit so I don't have to give up more? I feel bad for thinking that I'll never have a better house when people can't afford an apartment. People are out there deciding which bills won't get paid while I go to the gym 6 days a week. We just spent $200 at Costco like it was nothing and I feel like I need more. Part of me feels like I'm owed something like it getting fired. Another part of me feels like I'm owed something material. And yet another thinks that now that I have a remorseful husband, I shouldn't want anything else. Is it because so much was taken away without my permission? I don't really have an idea/answers but I know what my perfect situation is. It quits/gets fired, he stays, we move, have another child, I go back to work once everyone is in school, and he stays remorseful, empathetic, loving, and changed. Doesn't seem like much to ask after what I've been through. But why do I feel bad for wanting it?
So that's where I'm at in a nutshell. I think this has all come about because of what we have to do to get WH out of that job and not kill ourselves financially. And it will take 2 or more years. That's a lot of waiting after waiting for answers and the truth, waiting for remorse, waiting even for the miscarriage to be complete. Lots and lots of waiting.
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 1:15 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I don't think you are asking for too much. You want to feel safe in this relationship, and however you guys make that happen, it's a necessity that he gets away from the OW.
But I do think that there is more to this. Getting away from her is the first step, but there will always be other women around. TTMU needs to be learn boundaries so this doesn't happen again.
Big hugs to you..
2 things, OW still working where your husband works doesn't allow you to be at peace. I had the same issue with my FWW and OM. Until she left that job, peace set in. Yet he still continued to text until his BS found out. Then it all hit the fan and it stopped. THANK GOD! Ever since then it's been much better.
Secondly, You have been betrayed, humiliated, ....never mind I can go on forever. So you feel like there should be a prize for being the forgiving faithful wife. Some sort of justification of sorts. I feel that too. Now what? You can try to fill that void with lots of things but nothing is going to fill it. I too feel like something is missing. So my W is back and out of the fog, now what?
Don't want to get religious but the only thing that has filled my soul has been the Lord. That's about it. Now I'm starting to see how I have to have my W in the proper perspective. How the A will always be a wrong that was done to me and it will take YEARS for her to make it up to me. It won't be over night, it won't be a brand new car or a trip to Vegas. Heck, right now we are so broke it's incredible so material things can't help me now.
Maybe you're just depressed. And that's okay. I've been struggling with depression myself. Nothing pleases me like it used to. I know things will change and I have the hope. I pray to have this home restored, renewed and that love is back soon.
Hope that helps?
Butterflygirl - I don't feel safe. I have no clue how some people do it on here.
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 9:28 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
I recommend the following book:
The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
[This message edited by HardenMyHeart at 10:21 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
Read my tagline, it has helped me through so much.