It has been a long day and I am exhausted. I just finished packing for a week away at a large event and I am feeling completely over whelmed tonight. I used to be so incredibly organized, almost bordering on OCD about it. I could multitask like the best of them and now, well now if I get more then 3 things on a list I seem to simply implode. For those of you who are beyond 1 year past Dday is there a time when you started to feel more like yourself??? I am so tired of feeling like I am trapped in someone else's useless body. I just want to get some of my old abilities back!
Through thick and thin we will survive but he gets only one shot at it!
You know I'm only 6 months in and have no inkling when we will finally get our faculties back...
But just wanted to say, hang in there! You're doing the hard work and the rewards are coming. Be gentle with yourself and keep telling yourself that "I'm doing the best I can and that's pretty darn good considering everything I've been dealing with this past year!" Forgive yourself for not being able to be super-woman. You are wonderful the way you are.
Enjoy the week. I hope it all goes well!!!!
It's just rediculious though, when I try to whip out my 10x10" daytimer and all of the bloody notes fall out of it. Let alone the multi-colored highlighting IN the daytimer itself!
D-Day, June 10, 2012
I have learnt since D-Day that I HAVE to make lists, I have to be super-organised, I have to plan, I need to write down what I need to achieve each day and tick it off as the day goes by. I can't rely on my memory, I can't let myself be in stressful situations if at all possible, I can't "wing-it", I can't overload myself with work or activities. I'm SO not the person I was 13 months ago!!
No seriously on days that I feel like I can't handle it I usually do only what really needs to get done. The rest gets done when I get to it.
It's part of the work I need to do to become a more whole person, and it's a weird gift that comes from this incredible devastation. I never would have said I wanted to lose competence, but it's good for me. And it has come back since the first days out, just not as much as it used to be.