SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

My WH is back and he is a bigger leach than ever! I need perspective, please!

My WH has been caught 3 times soliciting multiple prostitutes this year, one at least every Sunday. This has been going on since at least 2010.

I kicked him out. He went to live with his friend. His friend said rent was $500. A week after the beginning of August, he still hasn't paid his friend rent, so his friend kicks him out and now they are no longer friends bc of it.

WH calls me crying with no place to go. I let him stay with me. A couple days later, he gets a hotel room (one of his faves with the hookers).

While he was here, found a text message to his friend talking about pay him or get out followed by WH response saying "baby is bleeding to death. Life fighting her to hospital". This NEVER happened and I see it as a ploy for pity from his friend. His friend then respond 4 days later about how the baby is doing. WH responds that we were checking out of the hospital when in fact, we were at county fair.

Another text the day before, to a female friend of his stating that he adopted our baby bc he wanted baby to have a daddy. This implying to female friend that I was the unfaithful one and he is poor soul just trying to be a good guy. This then followed with a "I loved you so much and you just be never let me come see you!" mope-mope-mope...followed by her response of "dude, you are married. Why would I hang out with you?"

Now, he got a guy from work to let him stay with him, but has been at my house and ISN'T LEAVING!

My IC says I need to set boundaries with him. My birthdays tomorrow and he told me tonight he is going to take me to a restaraunt and he has a sitter for the kids.

He isn't paying me any child support, he isn't paying anyone any rent. He's just living for free. Wouldn't that be nice?

He's a leach. He latches on and he won't leave. I keep thinking "maybe one of your hookers will take you in".

Why is this my problem? Why does he lie to everyone, not just me? He makes up lies to get pity. What's really bad is that he's making up lies to get this female friend to feel pity. This lady just lost her son in June. He killed himself. She's incredibly depressed and my WH has the nerve to try and get pity from her with complete made up crap!

The devil is a tempter. He uses lies and pretty words to trick people. He uses confusion against people. Once he gets them confused, the person doesn't know what's true, what's not true, the person questions everything.

I don't know what's right anymore. I don't k ow if I'm a good person or if I'm evil. I don't know if I make good choices (which I'm not with the devil), or if I'm being judgemental. I don't know the right direction.

He's a leach and he needs to get the hell away from me. And I can kind of see through my own fog that he is tricking me and confusing me and using his lies to deceive me so that he can continue to live for free.

I need to sit down with him and give him a set of rules and boundaries. I'm afraid but I must be strong. The devil must not be a part of me. I can only pray that the devil will be good to his kids since he spawned them.

I think I must right down who I am and what I stand for and why it's ok to me and that I am good person. I've made mistakes, but thats ok, because I learn from them.

Where the devil makes mistakes but does not learn from them, I learn and grow. I change as needed. He changes on how to deceive people.

Let it be understood, that i am confused that I am not doing the right thing because Christians are supposed to believe in forgiveness and to not be bitter.

Can I be forgiving but not stupid? Forgive so that this doesn't eat at my soul? Forgive but remember who is and what he is? The devil in disguise.

He lies! He just lies without any remorse! He doesn't think prostitution is a bad thing. He has zero remorse. He thinks it's ok to damage my name and my reputation so that he gain sympathy from those who love him-family and friends.

He doesn't care who he hurts so long as he gets some kind of pity. he doesn't want to be responsible for anything, himself, bills, kids, marriage or anything.

he shifts blame and makes others feel worthless and stupid. He manipulates me by yelling and screaming at me - screaming - and then 5 minutes later he is hugging me and telling me how much he loves me.

Hes looked me in the eyes - into my soul - dead square in the eyes and told me how much he loves he loves me and how exquisitely happy he is with me and our relationship no more than an hour after he paid a woman $225 to have sex with him. How can someone do that?

So am I the evil one for judging him as a devil? How can I look at him with forgiveness and humility?

How can I be a Christian and deal with this man - this devil?

What am I supposed to do with him? How do I be a good Christian, loving and forgiving, but not down right stupid?

The Bible instructs that we must be wise as serpents. As Christians we are called upon to forgive. Nowhere are we called upon to allow others to walk all over us & take advantage of us. Forgiveness does not equate no consequences. If God sees fit to let us live with our consequences that arise from our choices, then we should feel free to allow others to live with their consequences. The Bible instructs us to love one another as we love ourselves. Part of loving yourself includes setting appropriate boundaries on how you should be treated.

I think you should contact that friend and let him know your baby is perfectly fine & healthy.

I think you should NOT let him move back in with you. How does enabling this devil help him in any way? It doesn't. Furthermore, it hurts you.

Do not go out to a birthday dinner with this guy. It's only going to turn into a birthday romp between the sheets. You do not need to screw this man, you do not need to let him touch you. You do not need him to celebrate your birthday.

I think you should contact his female friend & tell her about your husband. She is very vulnerable right now. She needs to protect herself.

I think you need to consider asking the police to escort this devil out of your home & out of your life.

Do not twist Christianity into something it isn't. Being a Christian does not obligate you to let others abuse you. Making an informed judgment about someone (this guy is an abusive, manipulative person who is dangerous for my mental health) does not make you the kind of judgmental person the Bible warns against. Do not confuse making a judgment with being judgmental. God allows us to observe people & use discernment.

Wow Athena, you must be out of other cheeks to turn by now!

To make up a story about your child almost dying to get out of financial obligations is beyond the beyond. Someone help me pick my jaw up off the floor.

I don't think God expects you to tolerate abuse. God wants you to protect yourself and your precious baby from this unrepentant liar and snake. He may not be the devil incarnate, but he sure is a grade A jerk who does not deserve your kindness.

You need a lawyer and you really need to get him out of the house and out of your face so you can start to heal from all the pain he has inflicted and continues to inflict on you.

Him crying that he has no place to go is NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE. He fired you from the job of caring about his sorry behind the minute he decided it was okay to sleep with strangers.

Is his name on the lease? Could you be the one to leave if he won't go?

A man who lies so compulsively is beyond hope. I am so sorry for your pain. Take control....you don't have to put up with this.

((((((athena))))))))))

What Nature_Girl said - EXACTLY!

Jesus forgave the adulterer. But He didn't say to hang out at His place. He said, "Go and sin no more!"

Christianity is about love. You can love and forgive, and yet not be abused.

I agree with setting him down and telling him that you forgave him, and that you want to do what is right, but that you have boundaries: 1...2...3...etc.

Wipe the dust of abuse from your feet.

Avoid the evil that keeps trying to appear in your life.

NG & Bravenew have nailed it.

Make a plan.

Leave this abuse.

Your post reads as you're waiting for him to make the right choices, he's not going to do that.

He lies to everyone he comes across, there are no set rules or boundaries that he will listen to or abide by.

Stop wasting your time with him, he has fallen so far and not taking any responsibility of his actions or the consequences.

He stiffs a friend out of rent by lying to him about your kid, he tries to get with the female friend knowing that she just lost her son.

Face this fact that he doesn't care about anyone or anything but his agenda : himself.

Instead of setting boundaries you need to see a lawyer and divorce this sick pervert.

You can forgive him and move on from him he is not repentant nor does he want your forgiveness, he just wants a place to stay until he moves on again.

Please think of your kids and the bad behaviors they will see and think of it as ok because you stayed with him.

Yes - you can forgive him. That does not mean you have to continue to be his doormat or part of his lies.

My X is a compulsive liar. I remember the very first time I witnessed him lying to his best friend. What a HUGE red flag and I should of ran like heck then!!

You know what you WH is. He is making it clear that he is not addressing his issue and continues to lie to all.

WHY would you go out to a birthday dinner with him and pretend all is well? This just affirms to him that he can do what he wants and not pay the consequences.

I don't know what's right anymore.

Yes you do....dig deep girlfriend. You have strength beyond what you believe you are capable of. Get him out of there. This is NOT an example you want your children to see as acceptable.

You can do it!!!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 7:26 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]