If so, what happened? Are you still together? How are things between you and your spouse?
Just need some uplifting words.
Just to clarify, my husband doesn't want to give up on me or our relationship. He is just having a rough time right now and wants to give up on life.
[This message edited by FR2012 at 1:12 PM, August 20th (Tuesday)]
Even pretty recently.
We talk about it.
We look at what we are or are not doing for our healing. It is usually something we stop doing, that makes us feel like we've stalled or are moving backwards. It's as simple as starting those things up again.
I fight it. He has told me before, in not heated moments, to fight with all I've got when he wants to leave.
We take into consideration what else is going on in our lives. Outside stress that may not have anything to do with the A.
Yes we're still together.
Things between us, today, are good. Better than they have been in a long time.
Hang in there.
"Your secrets keep you sick"
Now, has she ever wanted to stomp her stiletto's in my deserving spots...um...of course!
Hang in there. JD
The weekend of July 4th was very unpleasant for us, but actually ended up being what could be the turning point in our attempt to R. We had some heated words to say the least. I had decided I would move out following our oldest DD's birthday at the end of the month. That Sunday, TCD came to me for support, because her life was crumbling, and after and in spite of all that had transpired, I was still the only person she knew to go to for comfort. It was a very sad situation. That night, don't ask how it happened, we had sex (our sex life has always been very good and never a point of contention). Afterwards, we cried in each others' arms, thinking of the things we never got to do together, sights we always wanted to see... The Northern Lights, the Great Wall of China...
TCD looked me in the eyes and said "For the first time I am looking at you and can see that you are TIRED. It's OK to say that you can't do this anymore."
I said "I AM tired... so very tired. But I don't want us to end."
We held each other some more, cried some more... But right there, right on the brink, the only way it could have been closer to done is if we were in a lawyer's office, we turned it around.
Things have not been perfect since. I have had some relapses to old behaviors, though not nearly as bad as I used to be. We have been communicating better. There is still a long road ahead of us, but the future seems to have some brightness. And considering only 6 weeks ago it didn't look like there WAS a future, that says a whole hell of a lot.
Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
2 Year Physical & Emotional Affair (Co-Worker)
"Don't give up. You're married until you're not. You never know what tomorrow will bring."
It's been an amazingly bad couple of days.
Has your BS ever wanted to give up because the pain was so bad?
If so, what happened?
We got a divorce. (Uplifting part still ahead. )
Are you still together?
After being apart for just about exactly two years, we are back together and have been reconciling for 16 months.
How are things between you and your spouse?
Things are good. Above all, things are honest. We don't talk about stuff as much as I'd like, but I knew that about him going in (that he's not a talker or even really a "feeler") so I just deal. The best part is how far I've come in terms of having realistic expectations, letting the little things go, and not turning outside the relationship for what I should be getting from inside it.
Divorced and remarried to XBH
Another thanks here! Those are some of the best words I've heard over the past few weeks!
Everyone here has expressed something I can relate to verbatim! 1sorryGDF hit the nail on the head. My poor beautiful BW has said numerous times over the past few weeks that "she's done!" She's wanted to give up on me, our relationship (I can't really say marriage because I've been a shitty excuse for a husband and I haven't given her a true marriage over the past couple of years), and even life in general (those are the most scary to me!). My BW has been extremely depressed to the point of not eating and developing an eating disorder. We've both lost a lot of weight since DDay due to our depression and coping (her 30lbs, me about 35).
My wife still has really bad days (one was Sunday night), mixed in with a few good ones. Sunday night, we were coming back from out of town for my grandmothers funeral. It was a 4 hour drive and most of it she was not happy with me. We got within a couple miles of our house when she asked me to stop for gas. She got out of the car and proceeded to walk towards home. She told me she wanted some space and exercise and that I should take our kids home. I did and eventually came back out to pick her up. That night, she had her bags packed (re-packed I guess) and was set to leave. She eventually decided to return to the house, but only after we sat in the garage talking for about 30 min. Yesterday, I went to take the baby to daycare and my wife called 5 min later. She said she felt needy and asked if I was going to work from home yesterday. I was already on my way to the office, but I promptly turned the car around and went home to be with her. We talked and had a good afternoon/evening. We discussed R again and also our postnup agreement if we R. Today has been a good day. I hope tomorrow is too! If not, I will continue to fight just as TTMU said!
Despite those problems, she confessed to me the other day that the A isn't the first thing she thinks about when she wakes up any more. A small step in the right direction, but an important one.
[This message edited by stupidgurl at 8:12 PM, August 21st (Wednesday)]
2002/3 (him) EA
Tog. 14 yrs, Marr. 13 and counting!