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Hi everyone, I need some help. For the last several days, I have been feeling really triggery. Medical procedures that were performed over the summer haven't worked and I want to contact my AP to escape. BH also spent the weekend with AP for a work trip (as you see in my profile I had an EA with my husband's former boss). So I have been thinking about AP a lot recently. I want to escape my sadness about another failed procedure and see/contact my AP. I want my fix. I haven't felt this way since D-day. I know that I'm trying to escape sadness, pain and loss in a very unhealthy way. I saw my IC last week and I see her again next week. BH knows that I'm sad and that I want to escape. He's the eternal optimist saying that we are on a path, we have a plan, everything will be okay. But today, I just don't feel that way. Thanks for letting me vent and please hit me with 2 x 4s, maybe it will snap me out of this.

Broken1213 -

We don't encourage 2x4's because it makes it impossible for us to moderate. Thank you.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:53 AM, August 20th (Tuesday)]

BS here...hope it's ok to post. Kudos for recognizing the reasons you are triggering and wanting to reach out to your AP. That's a big healthy step.

Can you talk through it with your BS? I would let him know first and foremost that it isn't your AP that you are missing or interested in talking to, but that there is an uneasy feeling inside of you that is making you want to do something that you don't really want to do. I think sharing this with your BH might start a good dialogue.

Can you move your IC up by a week? I think when you are going through something like this you need to arm yourself with all of the support/resources you have so you can get through this.

I'm sure some other WS' will come in with some better advice, but just know that recognizing the triggers is a big step and posting here when you have the trigger is another healthy decision.

Thanks NewMom for the advice. I'll see if I can move up my counseling date. I'm sorry jo2love about the 2 x 4 comment. I can edit my post if you would like.

Thank you, but you don't need to edit it. Members will know not to throw 2x4's.

Chin up... Already you are recognizing what makes you want to contact AP and you didn't do it. Instead you are here discussing it. IDK that I would tell BS that you are in this state. Is there anything you can ask him to do instead in order to fill that space you are feeling. IE: BS I'm feeling really vulnerable and lonely today I'd like to spend time with you just us where we can feel connected maybe we can take a walk or go to dinner etc. You will then take responsibility for yourself and not put it on your husband to figure out what to do with you when you are sad. KWIM. Consider how far you and H have come and how one bad day and another bad choice could set you back. It won't be worth it, Im sure in your heart you know that.

Be well

Thanks Babbs, that's a great idea. I told BH that I'm feeling this way and rescheduled my IC appt for tomorrow instead of next week. I like your idea of me suggesting for us to do something together. I'm such a scheduled/routine person. I need to remember to take care of me on days that I'm feeling this way.